AIBU not to do the bastard's washing anymore?

[SnapYap]

DH works FT, i work 3 days a week. I came home from work last night and cleaned floors, kitchen, cooked dinner, cleaned bathroom and then began putting away some clean washing that I'd left in a pile to go away the day before (I hadn't had time to put it away on the day). As I was putting away the washing, DS (2) was playing with a toy on the bedroom floor. DH was lay on the bed playing with his phone. They toy rolled under the bed and DS started shouting and yelling and asking for help to get it back. As I was busy and DH wasn't helping, I asked him to get the toy back for DS. DH replied, 'Why can't you do it? I'm sick of you asking everyone else to do your jobs!' I said, 'Actually I'm putting your washing away,' as it was his clothes I was sorting out at the time. He said, 'Well I didnt ASK you to sort out my clothes. I'll hang it up when I am ready!'

So WIBU not to wash his clothes this weekend, as he hasn't ASKED me to?

For background, MIL has been making sly comments lately about how little housework I do, which has caused lots of bad feeling. It's unclear whether this is a conclusion she's come to by herself, or whether it's been DH telling her I don't do enough.

Because we are married, I think it's fairly normal to do your partners washing is it not?

My husband does probably 90% of the washing for the whole family. And he works full time.

We both work, why on earth should all the housework be my job just because I'm a woman?

We has a similar discussion about washing/folding/ironing. DH now does all of his. If I am in a good mood and he is running late in may occasionally iron a shirt for him (and mention that he should do them at the weekend instead). He regrets this now, but I do not, so it's continuing.

@Mommagee He works longer so should do less house work.

Many many years ago we had a row about washing. All the clothes were folded neatly and he took one of his items in such away that everything else got creased.

I stopped doing his washing and ironing from then on. He is one of those people, who, when he does a job, he is very precise. Consequently it takes him forever. So every Sunday morning he would spend about 2 hours doing his ironing. After a couple of months he decided we needed an ironing lady. Best result from a row ever.

Definitely stop doing it.

Tell him if he persists in living in the Neolithic, you expect him to do his job and bring home a fresh supply of meat killed by his own hand and that meals will only consist of foraged materials until he does.

@MrHussain, no he doesn't by the sounds of it OP has 24 hour responsibility for their child at home and works outside the house, so she works more hours.

My 11 year old does most of his own washing.

'it's hardly taxing. Why wouldn't an adult expect to do most of their own washing?

I mean it's not like you have to take it down to the nearest river and bash it against a rock with some homemade soap.

spear that post totally rocks,and imo should be force fed to so
called men, so they get the message.
my first exh always expected thanks for doing anything, funny enough we soon divorced something he didn't want because it meant the hired help had rebelled and grown a spine -so empowering.

FastAbsorbingCake Raising a child is not working.

Really???

Hahahaha

Raising a child is not working

You are supposed to save the blatant goady remarks like that until a bit further on in the thread. We all know what you are now and it's a bit disappointing this early on

I've reported the job. I'm going to stop doing his washing. I can't decide whether to talk to him about what he said or not

Troll! Not job

MrHussain

@Mommagee He works longer so should do less house work

Raising a child is not working

So looking after a child isn't work but fetching a toy from under a bed is housework?

@ThymeLord What am i

@MommaGee Raising a child is a responsibility you take on when you bring a child into the world. It is not work.

Dont understand why im being called a troll just for giving my opinion and im certainly not goading anyone.

@MrHussain raising a child is a joint responsibility, so no matter how the task is phrased the Ops husband is not fulfilling his responsibilities.

@DoloresTheRunawayTrain I agree, it is a joint responsibility. My point is if the husband works more then he should do less housework.

@MrHussain the situation came to a head because the husband was not fulfilling his joint parenting responsibilities. He complains about the amount of housework the OP does and suggests with his manner and lack of contribution to parenting that his contribution should be nil as he works more hours. A fair division of labour is not on the table here as far as the husband is concerned.

OP I have to say I am similarly irked this morning.

I do all washing and cooking here as I'm a SAHM (3young DC). In the evenings, DH is quite happy to sit "working" while I literally run round like a blue fly - getting him and 3 DC dinner, baths, homework, getting them all to bed and so in. He would never think to even put his own dishes in the dishwasher. It's sounds ridiculous, I know, but he gives off a certain vibe that he's too busy or "don't even ask me". It's hard to explain unless you're there. To be fair, a lot of the time he is working, but I also know he's probably looking at stuff related to hobbies too, or doing work that could actually wait. Priorities!

Last night I was really struggling and I asked him to look for a hairbrush for DD. He look quite put out and said could we have a "serious conversation about getting a housekeeper".

I said there would be no need for a housekeeper if everyone - including him - just helped a bit. He did acknowledge that I'm flying around all evening, but can't seem to make the link that him just getting involved a bit would be the obvious solution. Housekeepers don't generally come in the evening anyway, so what's the point of that? Unless he means someone live in, which is ridiculous.

The thing is OP, 90% of what you do he will not be aware of at all because he's never done it, so this is the problem.

MrHussain OP's lodger can't be bothered to get off his phone and pick up a toy for his own child.

And raising a child might not be a job but it taker alto of work to do so. They need meals preparing, feeding to them bathing, walking, teaching. You can't just sot and stare and them and hey presto there raised. That's why Nanny and Au Pair and Childminder are all jobs - because looking after a child requires active input of tome and energy, often to the exclusion of much else

Raising a child is bloody hard work especially when you are also working. Add in an entitled lazy arse who cant even get actor from undervtge bed for his own child especially when he is lying in his back and his oh is busy with and has been doing jobs non stop since she walked through the door from her own job?

There is a poem somewhere op that illustrates what happens when you dont do everthing you usually do all day but can't get it on my phone will try later on pc. Very useful for people who think you do feck all all day😀

Go on strike and just keep repeating "you never asked me to make you something to eat /wash your clothes/ tidy up/ clean the bath etc" but get the point. And take off for the day at the weekend and leave him with the kids, leave him a list of chores you usually do. Go window shopping, go for coffee, lunch,art gallery whatever and do not rush back when he gets driven mad trying to do everything with kids in tow.

What an eejit.

Get a toy from under his bed!!

Update; he's come home today and obviously realised why I've been unable to talk to him properly since. He's apologised for being 'a prick' and I've told him I'm not doing his washing anymore and he's not pleased