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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU not to do the bastard's washing anymore?

96 replies

SnapYap · 23/06/2017 10:41

DH works FT, i work 3 days a week. I came home from work last night and cleaned floors, kitchen, cooked dinner, cleaned bathroom and then began putting away some clean washing that I'd left in a pile to go away the day before (I hadn't had time to put it away on the day). As I was putting away the washing, DS (2) was playing with a toy on the bedroom floor. DH was lay on the bed playing with his phone. They toy rolled under the bed and DS started shouting and yelling and asking for help to get it back. As I was busy and DH wasn't helping, I asked him to get the toy back for DS. DH replied, 'Why can't you do it? I'm sick of you asking everyone else to do your jobs!' I said, 'Actually I'm putting your washing away,' as it was his clothes I was sorting out at the time. He said, 'Well I didnt ASK you to sort out my clothes. I'll hang it up when I am ready!'

So WIBU not to wash his clothes this weekend, as he hasn't ASKED me to?

For background, MIL has been making sly comments lately about how little housework I do, which has caused lots of bad feeling. It's unclear whether this is a conclusion she's come to by herself, or whether it's been DH telling her I don't do enough.

OP posts:

MommaGee · 23/06/2017 11:29

He's never had a full day on his own with him actually well that would change quickly. Might even need an overnight stay somewhere. ..

Original poster

Snapyap · 23/06/2017 11:29

Don't get me started on the loo - I banned toilet brushes til recently and went through how to 'properly' use it (remove poo with loo roll first so you don't get big chunks of it on the loo brush). This morning DS decided to pick up the loo brush and flick it all around my newly cleaned bathroom, while I was in the shower. Turns out it was FULL of shit and there was shit all over the bathroom. Can only have been one person who covered it in shit...

OP posts:

Original poster

Snapyap · 23/06/2017 11:30

Sorry if this is seen as a drip feed but I did have a thread on here recently under a different name because I can't trust DH with DS :(

OP posts:

dustarr73 · 23/06/2017 11:32

Ye i got this the other day,so he came home yesterday to no dinner cooked.He had to do it himself.He does housework and does alot with the kids.But that really annoyed me.

so hes cooking his own dinner today as well.

northernruth · 23/06/2017 11:32

When you say you work 3 days a week, what happens on the other two days? Do you look after your son? If so, that's work too.

I had a sabbatical the year before my DD started school. At that time, she went to pre school 4 mornings a week. I worked out that I "worked" the same hours as my DH, given that I had sole responsibility for childcare from 8am to 6 or 6.30 each day, with 12 hours while she was at preschool. So 38 hours. Looking after your child is a job.

Also, agree with the PPs about his response to your son. Fetching a toy is not "your" job. I'd be arranging for him to spend some quality time with his child while you go to the pub give them some space

sassylocks · 23/06/2017 11:34

Don't do it OP...Let him realise how much you do. He'll get a shock when the magic fairy hasn't replenished his drawers!!! It won't take long for him to realise I had a similar situation with DH over leaving all the runnings of the household to me. I was fed up of being the only one to make lists, pay bills on time etc etc. DH felt awful and didn't realise how much he was leaving for me... came home with a note book specifically for tasks that need to be done and so far so good!!!! good luck!

angstybaby · 23/06/2017 11:38

'your jobs'?! oh dear lord.

clear division of labour is needed, written down so that he doesn't weasel out of it. most men seem to think that domestic labour has nothing to do with them so default to doing bugger all. my DH is supposed to clean the kitchen every night but needs to reminded constantly. having clear division of jobs will help minimise conflict. allegedly

ChasedByBees · 23/06/2017 11:39

I would ask him if he doesn't think your son is his and point out there would be no other reason for a man to assume that anything to do with your child is solely your job.

Groupie123 · 23/06/2017 11:41

Don't cook for him, don't clean for him, don't do a single thing for him until he shows you some respect. He'll soon realise just how much work you actually do around the house. Also if your mil makes another comment, give her a list of all the terrible things her son has done (including this example).

DJBaggySmalls · 23/06/2017 11:41

I'm sick of you asking everyone else to do your jobs!'
I think between him and his mother, you and your marriage dont stand a chance. Sorry, I wish I had some helpful uplifting advice.

Ilovemybabygirls · 23/06/2017 11:42

A strike is needed, and then some. MIL can come in and clean if she wants but I would not be washing a thing from now on...

pallasathena · 23/06/2017 11:43

He sounds like his mother. Maybe he should move back in with her and then you could find yourself a real man.
I've heard that there are a few around...

PatriciaHolm · 23/06/2017 11:43

If you can't trust him with DS, there are clearly much bigger issues at play than him just being a lazy male chauvinist pig about housework.

Does he actually give a toss about his child?

aurynne · 23/06/2017 11:46

Why were you doing his laundry to start with? And why are you "considering" not doing it anymore instead of just stopping this very minute?

Original poster

Snapyap · 23/06/2017 11:48

Because we are married, I think it's fairly normal to do your partners washing is it not? Due to the weather I got all the family washing done and dried at the start of the week.

OP posts:

luckylucky24 · 23/06/2017 11:51

Snayap, why can't you trust him with your son? Did you post a few weeks ago saying you couldn't leave him because you wouldn't want him to have access without you?

twattymctwatterson · 23/06/2017 11:55

Is this the guy who shouts at your DS and calls him names? He's a prick, seriously

VestalVirgin · 23/06/2017 12:00

Because we are married, I think it's fairly normal to do your partners washing is it not?

Does he do your washing? No? Then you have your answer. It is not normal to do your spouses washing.
Roughly 50% of the population don't do it, so, no, not normal.

You don't trust him with the child?

I advise you to not have any more children with this dude. Not one single child more.
Also, you should probably get a divorce, but I can understand if you don't want to do that immediately. Just ... don't have any more children with a man you can't trust with the child you have.

user1493059174 · 23/06/2017 12:00

I don't do washing for mine either any longer (husband, daughters 16 and 18) then it is only them responsible when something they need is still sitting in the bottom of the wash basket. I no longer have that oh my god I have forgotten to put a wash on for school/work clothes on a Sunday evening. And I think your husband needs to spend some serious time with your child, enough time for the clean clothes to run out, cupboards re-stocking, etc etc etc etc etc etc! Leaving them for just an hour here and an hour there doesn't really give them the full picture (nice little vomiting bug thrown in aswell) could be good - then he also has to function on very little sleep (or worse he could have it aswell) and STILL have to carry on! There are so many "invisible" jobs to running a home and I was foolish enough just to get on and do them. Clearly he thinks running a home is a breeze. I have had some pretty demanding jobs B/C and nothing, but nothing has been as demanding as running a home and children. The best job ever, but very tough when you don't have partners support. Leave that washing in the basket!

MommaGee · 23/06/2017 12:04

Do people really separate it thevwashing and soy do their own? Do you alternate you does the minors? Admittedly DH is my partner so will also put mine and DS's clothes in so it evens out but I can't imagine refusing to let his clothes into MY wash.

Op it sounds like you really do need to think long and hard about making a happy life for you and your son an whether dp fits in that

MrHussain · 23/06/2017 12:05

Yabu

Alittlepotofrosie · 23/06/2017 12:05

What sort of environment is this for your poor child to grow up in?!

quizqueen · 23/06/2017 12:06

YOU have allowed this situation to continue so you have a choice.

put up with it and don't complain.
As he works 5 days to your 3, you can agree to do all the housework on those two days you are at home during the hours he is at work.

Make it clear that all housework outside work times are to be shared 50/50.

4.Childcare should always be 50/50.

Deathraystare · 23/06/2017 12:06

"well I didn't ASK you to be an arsehole but you're doing that..."

Brilliant!

There are a lot of totally pointless partners out there it seems. I mean what is the point of them, really?

MommaGee · 23/06/2017 12:06

*MrHussain

Yabu*
Explain

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