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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

That Dd2 work placement would give her the day off for dd1 graduation.

55 replies

livedtotellthetale · 21/06/2017 16:14

Dd1 is graduating in July in her University town. The plan was for me and Dd2 to go they are no contact with their dad. I booked a hotel for the night a nice meal after the ceremony. Dd2 is in her second year at University she found our last week that she has got a high sort after paid placement doing something which is very connected to her degree for two months over the summer. She emailed asking for the day off for her Dsis graduation explain that it's just me and her going. They have said no as the nature of the placement. She is devasted so is Dd1. She was only asking for the one day and wouldn't even stay overnight in the hotel. She is away with the placement from Mon to Friday for the two months but could have got to the graduation in the day. My Dm is now going to come but as it's just been me and dds for 10 years and are close it was something they wanted to share with each other and me.

OP posts:
EssieTregowan · 21/06/2017 16:15

Don't be ridiculous. It's a graduation, not a wedding. Dh didn't even go to his own one.

caffeinestream · 21/06/2017 16:16

YABU.

Graduations are long and boring - she doesn't need to be there.

EssieTregowan · 21/06/2017 16:17

Sorry, that was a bit snappy. But really. This is not a problem. Dd2's work placement is vastly more important than a graduation ceremony. Dd1 will have already graduated and you can celebrate it in a different way. Honestly, don't let this upset you.

RainyDayBear · 21/06/2017 16:17

YANBU, since she can't book annual leave (which presumably she would do in a paid role) that's a shame they're not prepared to be more flexible.

Sirzy · 21/06/2017 16:18

Yabu.

Have a nice meal when she is home to celebrate instead.

TheOnlyLivingBoyInNewCross · 21/06/2017 16:19

if it's a highly sought after placement which is very connected to her degree, I would have thought she'd be too busy thanking her lucky stars she got it to be worrying about missing a graduation that isn't even her own.

KoalaDownUnder · 21/06/2017 16:19

YABU. I don't think she should even have asked them, to be honest.

gleam · 21/06/2017 16:21

It's a shame, but tbh the placement is more important than her sister's graduation.

I didn't bother attending my own graduation.

IfYouGoDownToTheWoodsToday · 21/06/2017 16:21

Yanbu

They are being very mean to not let her have the day off.

Ameliablue · 21/06/2017 16:23

It's unfortunate but presumably the placement had good reason.

user1495522824 · 21/06/2017 16:24

YABU. The phrase "the nature of the placement" should tell you why they won't let her go - and why it's probably better she doesn't miss a day.

Plus graduations are really over-hyped IMO. It's impersonal, over in ten seconds and you don't actually have to go. Mine was nice but hardly enhanced by my (very dear to me) parents attending and DCousin refused to go to his and the sky hasn't fallen in on him yet. Just have a special celebratory meal with your Dds when you can be together. Much more special and personal.

MrsTerryPratchett · 21/06/2017 16:24

It's highly sought after. It's only two months. YABU.

Pickerel · 21/06/2017 16:29

YANBU to be upset, but that's life I'm afraid. Hope you have a lovely day with DD1.

WeAllHaveWings · 21/06/2017 16:29

She asked, it's not possible for good reasons.

It's only a graduation, yanbu to be a bit disappointed.

EdmundCleverClogs · 21/06/2017 16:29

I can understand this is important to you as a family, however it's not the end of the world. Could you not arrange a similar family celebration for another time, record the ceremony and watch it together? In all honesty the graduation day is all rather underwhelming, long boring day when the individual person's part of getting the degree is over within 20 seconds. It sounds like your second daughter's placement is very important, and therefore should be treated as such. A graduation doesn't cut the mustard in terms of 'must have' time off unfortunately.

Original poster
livedtotellthetale · 21/06/2017 16:30

I think it feels more important that Dd2 was going to be there because they went no contact with there dad. My Dm is happy to go.

OP posts:
LRDtheFeministDragon · 21/06/2017 16:32

I don't think it was unreasonable of her to ask, but it wasn't unreasonable of her placement to say no, either. She's there for a very short amount of time.

Original poster
livedtotellthetale · 21/06/2017 16:35

Thankyou for putting it in perspective we will arange a nice meal at the weekend after.

OP posts:
FlyingElbows · 21/06/2017 16:36

It's a shame because she would like to have gone but honestly they're soooooo boring. Maybe you could all go out for a nice dinner or a special day out or something when she's free? The most important thing is that you'll be there.

Migraleve · 21/06/2017 16:36

They are both devastated Hmm

Is your family prone to over reacting?

Why is the daughter with the highly sought after placement not really pleased about it? Why is your daughter who is graduating not happy for her sister? Are you generally a negative bunch?

lanouvelleheloise · 21/06/2017 16:40

I think this is a little bit mean, but I do think other posters are right that you should prioritise the placement. It sounds like your DD did really well to get it - congratulations!

DSHathawayGivesMeFannyGallops · 21/06/2017 16:41

Does the uni in question livestream? Mine did and my then bf watched that as he couldn't get a ticket. I then watched his the same way. Any chance Dd2 could watch from work or take a break and make time up? Then she has watched the graduation and shared the moment but is still at work.

Original poster
livedtotellthetale · 21/06/2017 16:44

Migrraleve were did I say that Dd2 is not happy about the placement and dd1 is proud and pleased that her Dsis got it. Just as Dd2 is proud of her Dsis graduating and would love to have spent that day with her. We are not negative actuallt the oppisite

OP posts:
harderandharder2breathe · 21/06/2017 16:50

YABU

In almost every job, annual leave can be refused for business reasons

My employer is pretty flexible and has no restrictions except over Christmas (everyone requests their Christmas leave at the same time) but only X number of people can be off at the same time, popular days/weeks get booked up early in the year. Other jobs will restrict time off in school holidays or in term time.

AyeAyeFishyPie · 21/06/2017 16:52

Devestated? Really? My employee wouldn't let me go to my own graduation. Seriously - worse things happen at sea.