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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

That Dd2 work placement would give her the day off for dd1 graduation.

55 replies

livedtotellthetale · 21/06/2017 16:14

Dd1 is graduating in July in her University town. The plan was for me and Dd2 to go they are no contact with their dad. I booked a hotel for the night a nice meal after the ceremony. Dd2 is in her second year at University she found our last week that she has got a high sort after paid placement doing something which is very connected to her degree for two months over the summer. She emailed asking for the day off for her Dsis graduation explain that it's just me and her going. They have said no as the nature of the placement. She is devasted so is Dd1. She was only asking for the one day and wouldn't even stay overnight in the hotel. She is away with the placement from Mon to Friday for the two months but could have got to the graduation in the day. My Dm is now going to come but as it's just been me and dds for 10 years and are close it was something they wanted to share with each other and me.

OP posts:
AyeAyeFishyPie · 21/06/2017 16:52

*devastated

UrsulaPandress · 21/06/2017 16:54

Trying to remember if my db came to mine.

Nope, he didn't.

WarriorsDance · 21/06/2017 16:56

It might seem like 'just' one day but it's only a 2 month placement, so approx. 42 days of work? I'm not surprised they said no and may now be questioning her commitment to the placement, especially as it's so sought after.

My eldest didn't even want to go to his own graduation but I talked him into it as his Dad was terminally ill and attending the ceremony was really important to him.

Fuck me, it was boring though ... I can see why my son didn't want to go!

ICanTuckMyBoobsInMyPockets · 21/06/2017 16:59

Graduations are boring as hell.
Even worse when you're not the one graduating.

tava63 · 21/06/2017 17:00

I think it was lovely that your Dd2 asked to attend and your Dd1 will appreciate that she wanted to attend but couldn't. I think you've come up with a good compromise plan to celebrate at the weekend. It is lovely to mark these moments together where possible but the world of work can be very unobliging.

NoLoveofMine · 21/06/2017 17:03

I think it's lovely you're all so close.

As has been said and I think you've also agreed, there's no reason for a work placement to give anyone on them time off for something like this. It's very nice she wanted to share it with her sister and you but hopefully you'll be able to arrange a meal together to celebrate it when she can make it, and I think she'll appreciate every day spent on her work placement which will be useful for her future.

Congratulations to both your daughters, on your eldest for graduating and her sister for securing the work placement she's on. She did excellently to get it.

Syc4moreTrees · 21/06/2017 17:07

Like others I didn't even go to mine. My parents where both dead, but I went for dinner with my Brother on the weekend.

Maybe have a nice family meal on the Saturday after?

onceandneveragain · 21/06/2017 17:07

I'm surprised they wouldn't let her - as a PP said, she would be allowed to book AL in a normal role, so strange they are being less lenient for someone who presumably is not even being paid. If she is being paid that is even more concerning, as she should legally be entitled to paid time off - 1/6th of a full time minimal annual leave entitlement is approx 4 days.

However - yes graduations are almost always very boring, lots of people don't even go to their own (either out of choice or because it's impracticable), let alone siblings, and as tickets are limited the vast majority of siblings won't get to go even if they wanted, so it isn't really a huge disaster.

InLovewithaGermanFilmStar · 21/06/2017 17:09

If she can travel, why not have her leave the work placement as early as she reasonably can, dash to the University town, have a nice meal with you, and depending on transport (trains etc) stay over & get back to her work placement on a very early train the next day?

I sit through at least 2 graduations a year - I am very proud of my students going through, but than can be quite long, and a tad tedious (the German langweilig is the best word to describe them).

reallynearlythere · 21/06/2017 17:12

Other posters are right, ceremonies are very boring. I would follow the example of a friend's daughter who hired her gown for an extra couple of days so she could have a family/friends celebration in her home town. Other friends also extended the hire of their gowns so they could have photos together.

NoLoveofMine · 21/06/2017 17:17

I would think they don't want her to have unnecessary time off from the role because it's a work placement for a limited time; they probably deem all the work to be done on it important and have allocated the time necessary to gain the skills important in that particular field of work. As it's highly sought after it's understandable they'd expect those selected for it to attend every day as far as is possible.

Original poster
livedtotellthetale · 21/06/2017 17:20

Thank you will be prepared for long boring ceremony. Dd2 done so good to get the paid placement she wouldn't jepodise it and am proud of both the dds. We will celabrate after.

OP posts:
Mulledwine1 · 21/06/2017 17:22

I'm not surprised they said no and may now be questioning her commitment to the placement, especially as it's so sought after

It's a family event. Why would she not ask to attend?

They can say no but they won't think any worse of her for asking.

And if they do - well they are not the sort of employer I'd want to work for.

WarriorsDance · 21/06/2017 17:25

@onceandneveragain It says in the OP that it's a paid placement. An employer has the right to refuse A/L requests if they will have an adverse effect on the 'business' for that period.

IfYouGoDownToTheWoodsToday · 21/06/2017 17:25

Graduation aren't boring OP, don't listen to the party poopersWink

I loved DDs1 graduation 3 years ago and am really looking forward to DD2s graduation in a couple of weeks. It's such a proud moment and lovley to meet all their friends, tutors, lecturers etc. (They usually have a drinks reception afterwards) Enjoys yourself OP!

VintagePerfumista · 21/06/2017 17:28

Migraleve: ODFOD. Hmm

OP- in my job we have about 40 summer workers, usually students, and it's an absolute nightmare when, the week before we begin, we start to get the "Can I have X day off for Y".

Do parents really meet the lecturers and whatnot these days? Blimey, it really has become like school. So glad I'm old.

WarriorsDance · 21/06/2017 17:31

@MulledWine Because she's already asking for a day off even before she's started and her employers obviously don't feel her sister's graduation is important enough an occasion to warrant A/L.

It can be very dog eat dog out there so yes, there's a possibility they will question her commitment.

Beeziekn33ze · 21/06/2017 17:42

IfYou
They vary enormously, at some you meet only a few of DC's friends, maybe their DPs, no university staff at all. No reception either.
Then there's that ridiculous mortar board throwing bit we've let seep in from America. A local nursery does it for their tiny 'graduates' who have no idea what's going on. The proud mommies then put the 'ceremony' on FB, of course.

melj1213 · 21/06/2017 18:53

I'm surprised they wouldn't let her - as a PP said, she would be allowed to book AL in a normal role, so strange they are being less lenient for someone who presumably is not even being paid. If she is being paid that is even more concerning, as she should legally be entitled to paid time off - 1/6th of a full time minimal annual leave entitlement is approx 4 days.

She might be entitled to pro rata time off but being entitled to it and being able to actually book it is a different story. Even on a full time contract if there is a business need or it just isn't logistically possible due to other staff holidays then holidays will be refused.

I work in a multi national supermarket and our holiday year runs April to April ... I am going away for two weeks in July, a long weekend at the end of August and 4 days next February and I had to submit holiday forms in February to guarantee my holidays were approved, and that's with two of my trips falling within the summer when we get seasonal colleagues (usually uni students home for the summer) in into the store to cover for the regular staff going on holiday. In our company you can apply for as many holidays as you like, but until the holiday form is signed and returned to you by your line manager it is not authorised.

I can take my holidays any time I like, except for Christmas where there is an embargo on holidays between the last week in November to the second week in January except for those with extenuating circumstances/emergencies because there is a "business need" for a full bank of staff. So if your child was getting married, you'd be authorised a day off to attend but if your PFB was in the primary school play and you wanted the day off to attend, you'd be shit out of luck unless you could get someone to swap shifts with you.

VintagePerfumista · 21/06/2017 18:59

We employ summer staff for a five week contract. It's stipulated that 5 weeks means 5 weeks- residential summer school. They get days off, but at the weekend.

We try and let them have days off if they have a pressing need. But it raises eyebrows, that in 5 weeks, they can't commit 100%. And if they asked at interview, they'd be put on the "ring them if we absolutely need to, but otherwise it's a flaker"

Dog eat dog, as others have said.

chinam · 21/06/2017 19:18

I hire summer students to provide holiday cover for full time staff. I wouldn't be able to let your DD off but I do understand why you're disappointed.

alltouchedout · 21/06/2017 19:23

I went to my brother's graduation. He came to my undergrad one. I understand them saying no, but I don't understand why some pp are sneering about it.

onceandneveragain · 21/06/2017 19:44

Fair enough - I think I must have just been very lucky with all my previous jobs then - the only times I've been refused time off is when too many people have already requested the same date. I think most policies are based on minimum staffing levels/business needs though - I don't think they're allowed to give/request leave based on what the person wants to do on that day - surely that comes dangerously close to encouraging allegations of discrimination?

It makes more sense to me if they have a lot of students doing the same placement, as a pp suggested, and have to try and plan around them all. I've managed work experience volunteers before at a specialist organisation and we were very flexible around what times they could do - must be a very competitive/high level placement that she's got if they are planned so that each day is accounted for , so well done to her!

IfYouGoDownToTheWoodsToday · 21/06/2017 21:06

Vintage we had a drinks reception, in the garden of a head of the faculty. Not every lecturer was there, but it was lovely to meet a few who had taught my dd. It wasn't compulsory! Just don't go if you don't like that sort of thing!

Mysterycat23 · 21/06/2017 21:45

Some very nasty replies here, no clue what's going on tonight Hmm

Not unreasonable to want to attend your sister's graduation fgs. Not like it's a random shopping trip or her gerbil's birthday!