Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

By putting my foot down with MIL now?

90 replies

PayingMyWayYouSay · 21/06/2017 15:00

I'm fed up of her financial input. I cannot buy anything for my DS without a raised eyebrow.

I wanted an £800 pram. I ended up getting something else for £150. Lovely basket for shopping which the other didn't have but just as slim (and £600 originally anyway).

I want a very lovely but basic IKEA cot, with matching wardrobe and draws but we didn't mention that part. Apparently that's not acceptable since her DD and other DIL got theirs for £25 off EBay.

DH is saying it's my choice since it's so important to me (as in he isn't that bothered), but she just keeps on. Or gives me funny looks and sighs.

All of DS's Sleepsuits are next or jojo, this is ridiculous by her standards, and so is buying a few gorgeous bits for next Summer, in her opinion.

I try not to mention these purchase anymore but she sees them and comments without prompting.

I can't treat my child without being put down or looked badly at. I'm constantly compared to what others have purchased.

DS is my 5th pregnancy but will be my first baby. Yes, I want to have everything how I would like.

It most likely will make fuck all difference in the long run but it's what I want to do and so I am going it.

Would a few stern but polite words be a bit unreasonable?

I know she has 3 DC of her own but I'm just fed up of her comments.

I don't drink or smoke, everything I buy myself is good quality basics that last ages. I don't treat myself in all honesty.

OP posts:
LittleBeautyBelle · 21/06/2017 16:24

It's none of your mil's business. It's none of your sil's business.

The next time either one says anything overtly or slyly about how you spend your money say, "Dh and I decide how to spend our money. We don't discuss our finances with anyone."

If they open their mouth to respond to that, then repeat, "Dh and I decide how to spend our money. We don't discuss our finances with anyone."

It seems to me they are using the issue, making a big deal out of how you spend your money, to create problems and to drive a wedge.

Nip it in the bud. They are being manipulative.

MomtoOneMarvelousBubba · 21/06/2017 16:27

I wouldnt OP. Explain to your partner that it's getting you down and making you feel badly toward her which you're worried about as you want to be a happy family for baby (sprinkle additional sweetness if necessary 😉). Ask him to speak to her and let you know what she said in response.

If you start talking to her directly you could cause resentment. Your DH should know how to handle his mom. Flowers

SoThisIsSummer · 21/06/2017 16:28

"Ooh are we playing this game again? Ok, it must be my turn by now. Tell me something you've bought recently and I'll think of a bitchy comment to make about it. You're right, it IS fun, thanks so much!"

LOve this would love to say it.

I hate the bad mils too Sad joy suckers, create misery everywhere. I wish we could get them all on an island together, Mil Island of Misery.

aspoonfulofyourownmedicine · 21/06/2017 16:29

Start by telling her to fuck off mind her own business. What you spend your money on has nothing to do with her.

She sounds like my parents. I've now started replying saying 'It's my money, we work bloody hard for what we earn, so mind your own business what we spend it on!'

ohfourfoxache · 21/06/2017 16:43

Please please please can people stop saying that this is a MIL thing? It's not. It's a person thing.

Yes, my MIL is like this. She is a gigantic pain in the fucking arse and I hate her with pretty much every fibre of my being. But she's the same with her sons, and her sister, and even people she meets at the bus stop Hmm

But my sister's mil is loveliness personified. Truly a beautiful soul. And again, she is like that with everyone.

Nasty people will be nasty regardless.

Op, I'm afraid that I think you need your big girl pants for this one. You need to stand up to her, otherwise when your beautiful little bundle arrives it will get worse.

BorisTrumpsHair · 21/06/2017 16:45

you and your P need to stop talking with her about any purchases and their cost.

LagunaBubbles · 21/06/2017 16:50

Tell her to fuck off. It's YOUR baby. I hate MILS!

No you probably mean you hate your own.Hmm

Mummyoflittledragon · 21/06/2017 16:50

STOP talking about finances or how much things cost. Don't buy anything while she's around. None of her business. Be vague. Tell her you don't discuss your finances. Be clear, it's none of her business.

Cutesbabasmummy · 21/06/2017 16:50

Buy what you want. It's your much longed for baby. I bought lovely things for my son as he will be our only child and never regretted it. Can you take the pram back and get what you actually wanted? Your MIL is being very unkind.

JaneEyre70 · 21/06/2017 16:52

Why on earth are you even discussing it with her? Your baby, your money, your choice. Sod her approval, you do what makes you and your DH happy. Her opinion is worth nothing. You need to say to her next time "are you deliberately trying to spoil this for me, because you are". And every time until she gets the message.

TheFirstMrsDV · 21/06/2017 16:53

Mate Sad

How crap of her to carp on at you when you have had so many losses.

You buy your lovely baby whatever you want.
I am not your MIL but I am probably old enough to be so ignore her and listen to me instead Grin

Floralnomad · 21/06/2017 16:58

Just ignore her , tell dh to keep your business to himself and if she says anything just say ' this is what we want to do / how we are doing it ' and don't try to justify anything . We had this with my inlaws with our first , the biggest thing being ' why are you sending him to a private school , the local school was good enough for dh' , this is probably amongst the reasons I've been NC for over 20 yrs and she doesn't see either of our dc because as teenagers and now adults they've decided to also not bother with her .

Original poster
PayingMyWayYouSay · 21/06/2017 19:43

Thanks TheFirst Grin Listening to you loud and clear!

OP posts:
Original poster
PayingMyWayYouSay · 21/06/2017 19:48

Stop regaling people with all of your boring baby purchases and they will not have any comments to make. It's not rocket science

I only 'mentioned' it to her once, thinking she'd find what I bought cute.. since it is, you know, her grandchild Confused

Other times I just get asked or pressed.

OP posts:
TheFirstMrsDV · 21/06/2017 19:51

So what have you bought?

I love hearing people be excited about their babies.

MrsD79 · 21/06/2017 19:51

Just distance yourself and gradually stop talking. You havnt got to like her or agree with her. I dont talk to mine any more. Enuff is enough. Dh isn't fussed either way. Not worth the aggro

Ikillallplants · 21/06/2017 19:54

Everything you buy from now on was either from the charity shop, brand new with tags from ebay or gifts from your family. Sorted.

Original poster
PayingMyWayYouSay · 21/06/2017 19:56

TheFirst I have bought so far...

Anais and Aden (I think they're called?) muslin cloths. One is super cute with giraffes on Grin

Various Sleepsuits. Not wanting to put him in outfits until he's at least 3/6 months clothing really

Cabrio Fix Car seat in jet black. It's devine!

Little White Company outfits

I could go on!

OP posts:
Original poster
PayingMyWayYouSay · 21/06/2017 19:57

DH has discovered my thread (he's a MNetter too) Blush

OP posts:
TheFirstMrsDV · 21/06/2017 20:01

Did you manage to find any nice patterned sleep suits? I had a hell a job with my last two.
Next did some nice bright ones.

Have you thought about reusable wipes? I didn't discover them till DC5 and I wish I had known about them years before! They are nowhere near as gross as they sound. I got mine from Cheeky wipes. Youngest is now 7 and I still have them for cleaning the bathroom Grin

Buy what you want from where you want and enjoy yourself Flowers

Original poster
PayingMyWayYouSay · 21/06/2017 20:03

TheFirst I like neutral tones for babies so had a hard time finding nice things, especially for boys!

I usually wait for sales for most things.

I haven't considered reusable wipes. What happens when they poo? Blush

OP posts:
TheFirstMrsDV · 21/06/2017 20:08

Oh I like everything really bright.

You have a box of wipes sitting in tea tree (I think) and a bit of water.
You take one out for cleaning.
You put in in a net bag inside a different box with some sort of solution (might be the tea tree). When the bag is full (doesn't take long) you lob it in the wash.

I was a bit Hmm but it honestly worked beautifully. I tend to use cotton wool and water for the first few months anyway so it was no more trouble than that.

I am not a hippy earth mother type normally but I really loved my reusable wipes.

Original poster
PayingMyWayYouSay · 21/06/2017 20:17

TheFirst Do they work with older poos as well, I.e when they're having solids and a lot smellier?

It sounds a messy process but I've heard lots of good things! Grin

OP posts:
bimbobaggins · 21/06/2017 20:20

I don't see why the op has to lie about where she has bought her stuff from. Just be firm and say you don't want to discuss these things

Sushi123 · 21/06/2017 20:24

I have very little income and therefore have to be very picky about how I spend....bargain hunting becomes a bit of an obsession. I know I roll my eyes at my friends buying expensive stuff when they can get better deals from ebay or shopping around...but I realize that they do have money so they don't need to think about it...bargain hunting is a mindset, just tell her as little as possible, or lie

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

Join Mumsnet Log In

This thread is closed and is no longer accepting replies. Click here to start a new thread.