By putting my foot down with MIL now?

[PayingMyWayYouSay]

I'm fed up of her financial input. I cannot buy anything for my DS without a raised eyebrow.

I wanted an £800 pram. I ended up getting something else for £150. Lovely basket for shopping which the other didn't have but just as slim (and £600 originally anyway).

I want a very lovely but basic IKEA cot, with matching wardrobe and draws but we didn't mention that part. Apparently that's not acceptable since her DD and other DIL got theirs for £25 off EBay.

DH is saying it's my choice since it's so important to me (as in he isn't that bothered), but she just keeps on. Or gives me funny looks and sighs.

All of DS's Sleepsuits are next or jojo, this is ridiculous by her standards, and so is buying a few gorgeous bits for next Summer, in her opinion.

I try not to mention these purchase anymore but she sees them and comments without prompting.

I can't treat my child without being put down or looked badly at. I'm constantly compared to what others have purchased.

DS is my 5th pregnancy but will be my first baby. Yes, I want to have everything how I would like.

It most likely will make fuck all difference in the long run but it's what I want to do and so I am going it.

Would a few stern but polite words be a bit unreasonable?

I know she has 3 DC of her own but I'm just fed up of her comments.

I don't drink or smoke, everything I buy myself is good quality basics that last ages. I don't treat myself in all honesty.

Why do other people need to know what you spend on stuff for your child?

She is not dumb. She can tell her Debenhams from her Primark/Second hand

Tell her to fuck off. It's YOUR baby. I hate MILS!

Next time she says something:

"Ooh are we playing this game again? Ok, it must be my turn by now. Tell me something you've bought recently and I'll think of a bitchy comment to make about it. You're right, it IS fun, thanks so much!"

TheOtherOne*

Although she does earn double what I do so is entitled to her Debenhams spends I suppose

Tell her to fuck off. It's YOUR baby. I hate MILS!

Ouch, not fair at all. This is about her being an interfering and critical person, it doesn't happen by virtue of being a MIL!

Paying I think you are me from 25 years ago!

I too had 5 pregnancies - finally one much longed for baby after 4 MMC's.

I totally get you wanting the best of everything for your little one. Your MIL needs to be told - ideally by your DH as you don't need the stress -that you have been through a very, very difficult few years and now he wants YOU to have what YOU want with no comments/interference.

It is such an exciting time for you now and you can do without MIL rolling her eyes, tutting etc. Is she bloody well paying??? Grr!

You enjoy spending your hard earned cash the way YOU want to medear. Okay, like me you may well laugh at yourself in a few years time and think, "Why the hell did I spend £650 on a pram I virtually never used" - (me as you can guess )- but sod it. I wouldn't have changed a thing. It was soooo exciting after years of heartache!

and MEGA congrats!! When is DS due?

If you can afford it, buy what you like. We have a real mixture - an expensive winnie the pooh cot (which with teething dd now looks like it's been nibbled at by a mouse) and travel system, wooden toys which tend to be pricier than plastic, some jojo and Debenhams clothes etc, but also we buy most of dd's clothes from the supermarkets and she has a few bits from charity shops too. Some people seem to think that because they wouldn't spend that money, no one else should.

I would politely speak to her about it, or ask Dh to. I have a feeling it could get worse once your baby is here (I'm assuming you're still pregnant, I'm not sure?), and the comments will start about your parenting style too.

My DM must be "dumb" then because she wouldn't have a fucking clue whether my kids stuff was from Debenhams or Primark - nor would she give a shit either way

Ignore anyone's opinions on what is too expensive (or too cheap!) - as long as you are happy with what you are buying for your baby and can afford it, go with that. It's exciting shopping for a wee person & Jojo Maman has some beautiful wee outfits so I understand where you're coming from!

We had comments on some things we bought as well, e.g. Shnuggle bath but then anyone who has seen our daughter in the bath has agreed how easy it looks to bath her in it, well supported she is, etc. Suppose what I'm saying is that you're in laws may have to eat their words to when they see how nice your nursery is, well dressed your son is, easy to push your pram, etc. That's quite satisfying

We also bought Ikea furniture & it's great, easy to wipe clean and cheap enough not to stress over wee marks.

P.s. Purflo nest is a great alternative to a sleepyhead. Would recommend a baby nest though, our daughter sleeps great in hers.

My MIL has a great saying that is apt in this situation:

"There are two things people can always do better than you: Spend your money and raise your children."

OP, youve hit the jackpot, your MIL is doing both at once!

Just ignore. Try and avoid talking to her about it and if you can agree with DH he'll do the same. And try not to let it get to you, I know it's tough but if you can have it be white noise and just not react then eventually she'll STFU.

You're most definitely NBU though.

Don't tell her the price of anything. Ever. Avoid it entirely, hide receipts where she won't see them and refuse to even acknowledge her if she asks the cost of anything.

tell her to back off now
this is your precious baby that you have waited for and she is sucking the pleasure from it

hest No, apparently it was a wedding gift

My MIL and Sils are like this and I agree it's so annoying. My MIL is still annoyed that I turned down the offer of sils pushchair and bought my own. Apparently this demonstrates my frivolity with money irrespective that the pushchair was too heavy to get up the stairs to my flat and too big to get through a narrow gap between the front door and living room. MIL also genuinely believes I should never need to spend money on clothes for dad as SIL gives us hand me downs even though 80% of the stuff is grey, knackered, has holes, stains, loose elastic etc. Other sils are very proud of the fact that they don't buy clo6as each of their pils/sils give them hand me downs or buy them new stuff.

Its at the point where if I dress did in something 'nice' it will be mentioned and I then justify it by saying I bought it second hand (which usually is true as I love a charity shop). But I shouldn't have to do this. I do a lot of sighing, eye rolling and changing the subject.

Get a smart arse catchphrase ready, and then repeat it back to her every single time she makes an unnecessary comment.

My ex's mum used to tell me that she'd never have done X,Y or Z with hers. I took to replying "Yeah- and look how yours turned out" back, and she soon got the message and stopped.

Humm MILs, trouble with someone helping you financially, they always want some imput. Yes, your baby, your money, don tell her anything. Mine used to be exactly the same, over everything, had enough in the end, now dont see her, best thing ever.

As Hesterton says - if you've paid her back for her financial support if she expected it, then what you do with your own income is fine. Especially if you have money to burn and know you will continue to do so. Then just refrain from mentioning any purchases and reiterate me and DH are fine with it.

However I wish my ma had pulled me up on PFB syndrome way back. I didn't spend a lot, but if I'd known how cheaply I could have acquired great items second-hand I would have gone for them. After all if it's clean and attractive, the baby doesn't know - it's all parents' gratification. I could have saved enough to use the money for music/sports/etc when DC was at a point to benefit more significantly than expensive clobber when DC was a babe.

Just saying

When I first met DH he commented on something I bought for him being too expensive. I told him it didn't cost me a penny as I stole it. Obviously I didn't, but it stopped him commenting again.

Stop regaling people with all of your boring baby purchases and they will not have any comments to make. It's not rocket science.

It's like a virtue competition with some people. What ever you spend they found it for less. What ever you cut down on, they cut back more, however long you spend working, they spend longer/do it harder.

My DM goes to (what would be really quite funny if it weren't so bloody annoying) huge lengths to spend as little as possible on the toys she buys for DD4 to play with when we visit at her house. DD gets a bok out of the box ... queue DM ''Oh that book was 8 pence at the jumble sale.'' pause ''EIGHT PENCE I TELL YOU! EIGHT PEEEEE Whyyyyyy anyone would pay full price for kids stuff is beyond me!''. and on and on until you say God yes well done and thn she'll loudly tell the next person who walks in.

This is knowing i like to buy decent new stuff for DD. We can afford it. She's in an imaginary competition it feels like.
Rant over.

You buy whatever you like OP. Go crazy (within your means of course). Smile sweetly and tell her it's vulgar to discuss costs.

Might be an idea to get your dh on side for future incidents, of which there will be many