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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

For being annoyed at this mother of perfect child?

62 replies

Photomummy16 · 21/06/2017 13:30

I know I am BU really, but just need to vent somewhere!!

My daughter is nearly 3, and has developmental delay - she's likely on the autistic spectrum but a bit young to make a clear diagnosis.
We were in a waiting room today and I got chatting to another Mum about our children, nurseries etc - it transpired that our daughters are exactly the same age, about two weeks apart.

When she found out that my daughter does not yet talk, she spent the next ten minutes telling me how her daughter was very advanced, has a large vocabulary, can't shut her up, etc etc. Then she moved on to potty training - "I guess it's harder for you with the lack of language, but my daughter has been out of nappies for months and months, day and night" and so it goes on.

I get this fairly often. Do people just not know what to say? I'm delighted she has such an amazing child, but when you're in the paediatrician waiting room, I just don't really want to hear how great your kid is 'compared' with mine (who is awesome by the way).

OP posts:

Justmadeperfectflapjacks · 21/06/2017 13:31

Ah well my dd has got a fantastic dm - has yours??!

Floralnomad · 21/06/2017 13:33

I doubt she meant it like it came across to you . Basically you are talking to a stranger and the one thing you have in common is the fact that you have children the same age so she is telling you about her child , it's not her fault that hers can do all that stuff .

blubberball · 21/06/2017 13:36

I know what you mean. My ds has sn, so I see younger nt children over taking him all the time. Try to take no notice, and concentrate on any small victories, and developments you may have.

CorbynsBumFlannel · 21/06/2017 13:36

Very insensitive. I'd go one of 2 ways - either tell her that it's quite difficult to hear about when average children are hitting milestones when your child has a developmental delay (emphasis on the average). Or I'd elevenerife her with tales of my niece/friends child who could do all those things a lot earlier than her daughter as well as speaking 5 languages.

FinallyThroughTheRoof · 21/06/2017 13:38

Super insensitive of her.

Loopytiles · 21/06/2017 13:38

She was being rude, dull and self/DC-absorbed. Most parents are NOT like that IMO and behaviour like that is useful in deciding who to avoid!

LittleMissCrappy · 21/06/2017 13:39

It's hard isn't it. Ds also had developmental delay and wasn't talking at 3 and I have been there trust me. Some people are just so ce termed on their own child they have no idea just how much pain they can cause by rubbing in their perfect child. I have very little tips to give to you, except that you will have to grow an extra thick skin as it can get pretty bad.

I remember saying to another mum just to shut her up 'well at least my Ds is dead gorgeous' not sure if that went down well.

Loopytiles · 21/06/2017 13:39

A MN or Mrs Brown style "that's nice" is useful.

PortiaCastis · 21/06/2017 13:39

Time has a miraculous way of catching up with these big headed snobs, so bide yours then sit back and nod sagely when perfect kid fails at something

Loopytiles · 21/06/2017 13:40

"You must be SO proud"

Butterymuffin · 21/06/2017 13:41

Some people are just stupid. She was one of them.

MrsJayy · 21/06/2017 13:41

Sorry to be bleak this doesn't stop as they get older just changes my Dd has a developmental disorder. I dont think the majority of mums are being mean i think they are just are generally just chatting but you do need a rhino skin and try and let it wash over you.

plantsitter · 21/06/2017 13:42

I do not understand people like this. I assume they have something really, really wrong in their life and so have to compensate by going on about how great their kid/parenting is.

I say this as the mother of genuinely perfect kids about whom I never boast

Twinkletowedelephant · 21/06/2017 13:43

On the flip side my DS has ASD other mums assume he is academically delayed (he has 121) and often come and ask me about how the extra lesson work how I 'got' him his ta... And just how far behind he is...

He isn't he probably top of his class academically...... Socially he's bottom.

Some mums judge..... Some don't. Be friend with the ones who don't

FidgetSpinner · 21/06/2017 13:46

I understand how you feel, I have 2asd dcs.

Original poster

Photomummy16 · 21/06/2017 13:47

Thanks everyone, you mumsnetters are the best

OP posts:

DirtyChaiLatte · 21/06/2017 13:48

When it comes to their precious children a lot of women do lose their common sense and sensitivity. Why do they think it's ok to be boastful in the face of a mother who isn't as fortunate as them or is struggling.

In what other part of life do people hear other people's woes and boast and congratulate themselves in front of the other person for not having the same woes.

I would have been pretty irritated in the same situation too.

Floggingmolly · 21/06/2017 13:49

Of course it's deliberate, unless you're as thick as the wall... but some people are.
Lots of people live through their kids, seeing their achievements as a reflections on them, (even when so far this just covers learning to walk and talk and pee in a potty )
They never change, either.
Just wait till the reading levels thing starts . Learn to view them with pity for their narrow little lives.

MyFavouritePlace · 21/06/2017 13:51

She sounds incredibly rude and not particularly bright.

toffeeboffin · 21/06/2017 13:54

Next time just swiftly end the conversation start mnetting instead

Gemini69 · 21/06/2017 13:54

she sounds like a right sad cow.. having to brag about her 3 year old DD's achievements to gain what she believes is the upper hand in a conversation.. very SAD ...

Qvar · 21/06/2017 13:59

I have lived this and it's painful. I find that passive-aggressive spite is a balm to my soul.

For example, when someone is boasting about their precious child, I like to do a worried head tilt and say things like "my sister had a friend at school like that, it's so sad how things turn out"

Toocold · 21/06/2017 14:02

I was pretty much that woman with my first, not to that extreme and I never compared just bragged, pfb parent.I was massively insecure and worried I was doing everything wrong not excusing myself, I now have three and am totally different and realise what an idiot I was, my second was a nutty toddler and had no awareness of danger and I soon learnt my lesson! And took longer to learn lots of things but was quicker in other areas It'll come back and bite her on the bum, it did to me! And various others that I know. Try your hardest to ignore her, hard I know. I now think very differently. X

Toocold · 21/06/2017 14:03

When I say my second was quicker in other areas, I meant it as your daughter will be quicker than hers at other things but you're too nice to point it out! I was trying to say they all learn at different speeds and my lesson has been well and truly learnt x

elizabethleicester · 21/06/2017 14:04

Reply with 'That's lovely that your daughter is doing so well but don't you think that children grow up to be more balanced individuals when their parents have other interests instead of solely focusing on what their child can do'

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