For being annoyed at this mother of perfect child?

[Photomummy16]

I know I am BU really, but just need to vent somewhere!!

My daughter is nearly 3, and has developmental delay - she's likely on the autistic spectrum but a bit young to make a clear diagnosis.
We were in a waiting room today and I got chatting to another Mum about our children, nurseries etc - it transpired that our daughters are exactly the same age, about two weeks apart.

When she found out that my daughter does not yet talk, she spent the next ten minutes telling me how her daughter was very advanced, has a large vocabulary, can't shut her up, etc etc. Then she moved on to potty training - "I guess it's harder for you with the lack of language, but my daughter has been out of nappies for months and months, day and night" and so it goes on.

I get this fairly often. Do people just not know what to say? I'm delighted she has such an amazing child, but when you're in the paediatrician waiting room, I just don't really want to hear how great your kid is 'compared' with mine (who is awesome by the way).

I have a friend like this...

Some people become entirely self obsessed when their perfect offspring is born

My child has ASD and cant speak or read

People might be trying to make Op feel better but they are sounding a bit like the woman in OP.

Whatever your child achieves OP she is your wonderful child and im sure you will make her extremely happy.

I do think there is a "type" that literally can't help boasting - about themselves, their kids, their everything. Doesn't make it any less annoying that they can't help it, mind.

My sister is terrible for it - literally every topic of conversation turns into a stealth boast about something wonderful her kids have done. Exhausting to listen to. At least she knows me, though. I suspect she had the sensitivity to know she shouldn't do it to a complete stranger in a doctor's surgery - but maybe I'm wrong.

Even if she was just telling the truth there's a time and a place. I'm sure the child's grandparents etc would love to hear all about her achievements but this wasn't the time. It's like if someone told you they had money worries you wouldn't start going.on about your recent promotion, all the holidays you've booked etc.

She was insensitive and I don't think it's that common.

My dd is 5 and likely to have asd. She's behind in several areas developmentally. Friends are aware of this and never boast. Even school mums, most of whom don't know about dd's problems, don't boast. And I know their dcs are streets ahead of mine. I know because I've seen their school work on walls or because it's mentioned in passing.

I do appreciate their sensitivity. At the same time, I think I'm hyper aware of dd's slow development and I know she's more or less bottom of the class. It's still painful even though no one says it.

*My child has ASD and cant speak or read

People might be trying to make Op feel better but they are sounding a bit like the woman in OP.*

Fair point well made... Apologies if my earlier post came across like that.

Ah its OK tie.

Am pleased your child is doing well :) i have a thick skin

Really feel for you OP. I have a 4 year old dd with a speech disorder, developmental delay and probably will be diagnosed with social communication problems.

I have not come across this so much in strangers but have one friend with a particularly chatty (bossy) dd the same age who always seems to be boasting about things she has said/done etc and I find it really hard to hear but never know what to say. I'm sure she's not trying to be hurtful, just proud of her dd and a bit insensitive.

I am a HV so have always been hyper aware of what my dd 'isn't doing' and the implications of this while trying to always remain really positive about the gorgeous little girl she is.

Hope you're ok, it can feel a bit lonely at times can't it?

Paediatricians tend to have clinics for similar issues at the same time, in my experience. This mother may be really struggling with her child's problems and defensively trying to make out that she's "not properly disabled/there's nothing wrong at all..." if her child was hitting the expected milestones then it may be that she had a horrendous shock when she found out the interpersonal milestones were awry.

I'm not saying she was being anything but an obnoxious shit. Just that I've encountered parents like her at clinics myself - almost keen to distance their child from my own, because theirs doesn't spin/need to chew/curl up on the floor and rock with a coat over their head. Theirs is happily sitting there playing with a tablet. Ace. I'm so happy for them. Now can they shut up while I try to regulate my own kid?

Mine is officially high functioning. But being great at maths, and able to mask like a pro in school, doesn't mean he can wipe his own arse. (He can't.) Or sleep alone. (He can't.) Or manage any remotely unusual setting when at all stressed. (Hoo boy - how long do you have? The repercussions can last for days....) But if I felt defensive, or wanted to be in denial, I could emphasise all the great stuff and leave out all the worst parts, and people would assume his problems were very minor, just as this mother did.

I suppose what I am saying is that they tell you with autism that every behaviour, no matter how extreme, is an attempt to communicate. And the more I see of other people, the more I think the mistake is to limit that to autism. I think she was , possibly, communicating her own absolute inability to process or cope with why she was there?

Then again, she could also just be a twat.

for you, OP. It's a strange old journey, a child with additional needs. I think you see the very best and the very worst of all manner of people - strangely, sometimes both at once.

Sleepineday I used to work with adults with learning disabilities and we once had some training in dealing with difficult behaviour and it really stuck with me. The person delivering the session said everyone's first instinct is to protect themselves. It was in the context of, for example chucking a book in your face and swearing, as a way of protecting oneself from feeling stupid struggling with reading, but it stayed with me as something to remember in all situations, and is similar to what you were saying.

I imagine this woman would be the same to anyone. I have a friend like this, and it's all based on her own insecurities. The parents who are most obsessed with how high achieving their kids are tend to be the ones who aren't secure in their own abilities. People can be incredibly intelligent but may have been in the shadow of a perfect sibling, and all those insecurities come out with their own children.

It all evens out in the end. There is no perfect way to be. I went to school with a girl who was kept behind a year, and was miles behind everyone at 7. She has done vocational training and has a good reliable job. Other friends who walked into Oxbridge and are doing PhDs are living exactly as they were at 18 and she says can't understand how a 30 year old could stand student digs and living with their parents in the holidays.

Not unreasonable to find her annoying though!

I get it, people do it all the time. Its hard to swallow when you're having a bad day isn't it?