Highly paid job but burnt out

[yellowflowerpillowcase]

I already know IABU but I just feel like quitting tomorrow.

I know this is a very good problem to have and believe me I started out on the bottom rung and have had many skint years. I know there are people out there who hate their jobs and are not well paid.

I work in the health field and have worked my way up in my profession. I work 4 days a week partly because of DCs at primary school and partly because I can't bear to be there any more than that, in fact I can hardly bear to be there at all.

The problem is that I know I am burnt out. It saps the life out of me (the system/ organisational stuff mainly). The parts that I used to love about the job are a smaller part of the role and I feel worn down by it. I'm not depressed. When I am not at work for any length of time I feel great. When I have time off it almost makes it worse because I feel like me again and then when I go back, its like going under a black cloud and I lose all my motivation.

I am too well paid to just turn up tomorrow and hand in my notice. My DH earns about half my salary and his contract is not permanent. We have bills to pay and I just can't be that selfish. If I train again as anything else, I will take a massive pay-cut and that will affect the whole family both now and in the future.

Has anyone been through something like this and found another way? Has anyone burnt out from a "great career" but not ruined things for their family? I know this probably sounds incredibly spoiled and first world problem and I guess it is but I don't know how normal it is to be so miserable in a career but see no other way.

I'm guessing you might be a GP too.

Have you done the maths about dropping some sessions. I don't know anyone who can do more than 6 sessions and stay sane.

I find I get through each day by having my next holiday booked and booking ALL of my annual leave.

I also don't use a remote connection any more ( I'd feel the cloud of work hanging over me 24 hours a day) and go in super early ( 5am ish) instead in order to catch up with paperwork- So I minimise the time I'm actually at work when we are "open". I work 6 sessions over 3 LONG days (5am- 8pm)- but I guess will be harder if you are responsible for drop off's. That way I mentally divide my week between 3 awful miserable days and 4 happy days!

I too frequently think about jacking it all in ( several times a year) but realistically we need a way to pay the bills. Don't know what the answer is but think it's better that I slog on until we can get the mortgage paid and then will jack it all in asap ( mid 50's hopefully) if the NHS lasts that long.

Im wondering of youre a pharmacist as few friends in that job and totally stressed especially with all the paperwork and huge responsibility.
Could you change to a different area of the job. Think outside the box as to what you could do. Dont narrow it to one area.

Just logged on again this evening and I am truly deeply touched that you have all taken the time to post here. It really seems to have struck a chord and it is heartening though sad to hear that so many others really relate. I have thought about it all quite deeply today and realise that something has to give. I definitely need to look at reducing my hours if nothing else. The job search is active but nothing suitable is around right now. I do have time off booked over the summer and hopefully that will give me space to think some more. But in September if things feel the same and I am right back into it, then I will take time off sick if I feel I am not coping. I am very good at telling other people to look after themselves etc but not following my own advice. I need to look at doing something different. Its just that with this overwhelmed feeling, it is hard to think creatively or flexibly. Its hard to believe I have other options. I have got really stuck in all these beliefs about the "great career" and how much money we need as a family that I have convinced myself I have no choices. Dramatic as it might sound I feel like part of me is dying or at least not getting to fully live.
I have been inspired to hear of others who have taken that leap and I hope I can have the same courage.

I felt like I was experiencing a slow death and like I would actually die if I stayed. I left.

I moved areas into a less stressful field with better hours. I also cut my hours.

Downside is I am stuck there for now as I can (just about) fit the hours round childcare.

I do miss the frontline stuff - although I still do some it is very different - and will always feel as if I sold out but I had to preserve my sanity. I do a bit of bank / supply but at least I can chose my shifts that way.

Good luck OP xxx

Genuine question for people in the situation of leaving well-paid 'career' jobs - how do you plan to make up the shortfall in pension contributions/savings etc that well-paid jobs bring?

I'm asking because I'm in this situation having left a well-paid job at the end of last year and now considering job offers to return to work.

I would love to take a lower paid job (ie less responsibility, stress, travel etc) but it would mean being unable to make any significant pension contributions.

Big hugs! I had a job that paid really well and took voluntary redundancy after eight years because I just hated it. I started at the bottom aged 22 working in general customer services for a 20 odd person company and by the time I left I had set up my own senior level Department, with teams in three different locations in an international business (company grew and was bought out several times). Partly right place right time, partly skill, sheer hard work and determination. My issue was the ethics of the business, I constantly felt like I was going against my own basic moral code of being a decent human being my working there. That job changed me and I didn't like the person I was sometimes there - I had to be fairly ruthless, to the point and and almost cold. That spilled over into my home life. When the chance for VR arrived I jumped at it and that was the best thing I could have done. The change in me was almost instant. Everyone around me noticed. 2.5 years on and I'm now a SAHM (fortunate that OH earns more than me and we can afford for me to be at home). I can feel the difference in me and I've had many comments about how much 'softer' I am these days. Some of that is becoming a mum for me I think, but a lot of it was leaving that hell hole! There are always options OP, I was lucky to get a pay off but don't give up hope - start looking for something that even if it doesn't leave you singing from the rooftops, leaves you feeling good about your day when you leave 75% of the time.

I had this - City job - and it was hell. My best friend worked in the public sector so one weekend she and I looked at a lot of non-specific general management roles and turned my professional services CV into a general one - it was amazing seeing how the skills I thought limited me to my then job could be reworked into an application for a different sector. DO you have someone you could do this with?

Op - I'm in a similar place. Earn good money but feeling burnt out (& really struggling as children don't sleep so I'm making stupid mistakes). I'm desperate to have a change to something less demanding.

At the moment I'm signed off sick, but know this can't last forever.

Jean, I currently am not making up the shortfall in pension and it is a worry. However I simply could not carry on in the hours I was doing. Have to hope in the future I will be able to make up contributions. I realise not ideal at all.

Thanks TooStressy. Appreciate your honesty. I suppose I was hoping you'd discovered some secret formula to secure your financial future lol.

I'm almost 50 so feel this is my last chance for a long-term career/company change. I have two job offers with very different salaries but know which one I'd rather take...

I'm not a HCP but I have a big, professional job and I'm in my early 50s, so different but hope my experience might give you another perspective.

I have always been the main and for about 12 yrs I was the only wage earner in the family, big mortgage, 3 lots of school fees etc. I felt that I was trapped. I hated work, it sucked every last bit out of me, I was often on my knees, I travelled a lot and missed my family desperately. But for lots of different reasons I didn't feel I could stop and get off the hideous merry go round. To be honest I was too busy to even stop and work out what to do.

But now my dc are older ( 2 at uni and 1 in yr 11) I can see the end is in sight. Because I stayed working full time, full tilt I've earned enough to think about retiring in about 5 yrs. My contemporaries who stepped back or worked part time will all have to work into their 60s.

Don't know if I did the right thing, it wasn't a conscious decision so I'm not saying my way is best aren't I clever, I just want to say that if you have to keep going or you choose to, there may be a positive upside eventually.

Because I stayed working full time, full tilt I've earned enough to think about retiring in about 5 yrs. My contemporaries who stepped back or worked part time will all have to work into their 60s

This is exactly the position I'm in ie job satisfaction now versus early retirement and more financial security for the future.

Thank you all again for your further replies, comments and food for thought! I have had the chance to talk a bit more to DH. He has said he thinks I should take a career break of some sort and that although it would be a squeeze we could survive. The other option is to try to reduce my hours further. I definitely realise that I need to do something different in the short term or I basically won't be able to continue in the longer term. I have some time off booked over the summer and I am going to do more planning and thinking.
I have realised that I am just not "right" at the moment and I need to address it. I have been getting very worried about small things, some of which are ridiculous and feeling like I can't cope with things that usually wouldn't usually phase me. I think it is a cumulative effect as I had a lot of things happen in the past year that at the time I dealt with through adrenalin and a bloody-minded attitude of "must keep going" and now that some things have calmed down, I am feeling like I can't get up in the morning and go in to work for another day. Anyway, with holidays booked it would make no sense for me to resign or get signed off so I am going to take the leave and get through the periods in between when I have to be there. And come up with some sort of plan- either time out as a full break or reduced hours or at worst, being signed off if this not able to cope feeling carries on.
Thank you all for your incredible kindness, it is so hard to talk about this to people in real life, especially when you have a "great career".

Well done yellowflower for taking the first step and acknowledging that you are burning out. I was a GP partner until the same happened to me 5 years ago. I've struggled with MH issues throughout my adult life. One day I realised I just couldn't keep going.

I'm now a SAHM. Starting to think about what to do next, but will have to do refresher course to re-enter GP. I love medicine but the workload and pressures cost my family too much. Sending you lots of . Be kind to yourself.

Glad to hear that you are formulating a plan yellow and I know exactly what you mean about an accumulation of stressors and feeling 'not right'. At the worst point before I left I remember saying to dh one night "I wonder if this is how people feel when they're losing their minds"! I could barely string a sentence together, was having terrible word finding difficulties and even forgetting the names of colleagues. It was very stressful and worrying.

You have to put yourself first and if you fall apart, you're not much use to anyone - I mean that in the kindest way as it's the copers who keep going...until they crash (myself included). Good luck

I have gone through something similar. I'm currently working my notice.
Sertraline has really helped too. I feel happy for the first time in several years.

I resigned with no job to go to! My plan was highly paid contract work so that I could take long breaks between contracts. However, the organisation that I was working for as a contractor offered me an amazing permanent contract on more money than I was on before. I'm staying as I don't feel I can walk away.. I want to though! There's more to life than working ourselves into the ground.

Apologies for insisting. Please consider seeing your gp and trying an antidepressant. So cheap, risk free and worked for me. The job will not change but you will not feel overwhelmed. Good luck.

I appreciate the suggestion about antidepressants but just don't feel that is a route I want to go down at present. I feel I need to work on changing things and finding something that will work better for me in the longer term and not feel like I'm in a job that is doing me harm. It is very helpful to hear from others who have found themselves in the same place and taken a leap of faith and left.

It's not a permanent fix, but when you're this stressed out over a well-paid job, taking yourself off to a spa for a long weekend can help you recharge and come home in a better state of mind to start planning a permanent fix. Obviously needs buy in from DP given he would need to stay home with your DC, but I recommend being "selfish" for a weekend. I've done it before when I've recognised I have little left to give. Sometimes throwing a couple of hundred quid at some "me time" is worth a lot more than that. First world solution to a first world problem, but it's helped me before.

Christ don't go into research! The money is shit and the contracts are incredibly insecure.

What do you do more specifically? Could you move into CRO work? Pay is good - job is stressful yes but sounds like it might be better than what you're in at the moment. I moved from research to CRO industry about ten years ago and am earning roughly 3x what I would have done if I'd stayed in academia

I became burnt out last year in my career and knew something had to change so applied for a job in a completely different career. However due to the new job not being permanent and quite a bit lower paid, I have had to continue doing some work in my old job. It is stressful juggling 2 part time jobs but I am hoping if I can work my way up in the new job I can give up the old one eventually.

Your post has definitely struck a chord with a lot of people, myself included.

I have battled for a long while to find the balance between a well paid but demanding job vs a more happy life with my family. I took voluntary redundancy last year and have since been consulting and temping whilst looking for the holy grail of a part time professional job. I'm pleased to say that I've found one after MONTHS of searching and uncertainty; here's hoping I'll be happy there.

What really hammered it home for me was losing my Dad at the age of 60. He worked ridiculously hard to the extreme detriment of his mental health and was then diagnosed with cancer at 58. All that hard work and saving..... It's certainly changed the way I feel about work!