Highly paid job but burnt out

[yellowflowerpillowcase]

I already know IABU but I just feel like quitting tomorrow.

I know this is a very good problem to have and believe me I started out on the bottom rung and have had many skint years. I know there are people out there who hate their jobs and are not well paid.

I work in the health field and have worked my way up in my profession. I work 4 days a week partly because of DCs at primary school and partly because I can't bear to be there any more than that, in fact I can hardly bear to be there at all.

The problem is that I know I am burnt out. It saps the life out of me (the system/ organisational stuff mainly). The parts that I used to love about the job are a smaller part of the role and I feel worn down by it. I'm not depressed. When I am not at work for any length of time I feel great. When I have time off it almost makes it worse because I feel like me again and then when I go back, its like going under a black cloud and I lose all my motivation.

I am too well paid to just turn up tomorrow and hand in my notice. My DH earns about half my salary and his contract is not permanent. We have bills to pay and I just can't be that selfish. If I train again as anything else, I will take a massive pay-cut and that will affect the whole family both now and in the future.

Has anyone been through something like this and found another way? Has anyone burnt out from a "great career" but not ruined things for their family? I know this probably sounds incredibly spoiled and first world problem and I guess it is but I don't know how normal it is to be so miserable in a career but see no other way.

[ChasedByBees]

I have done the same. I was in a high paid stressful career with lots of pressure to do more with less amongst other things. I had all the worries you do but in the end I just left - it just felt like the only option open to me. I'm going to do training in some art hobbies I enjoy. Perhaps I'll become a potter.

We are coping with less money. We muddle through. And I'll go back to work at some point. When I was working I didn't want to take a salary cut but now I'm not working, my perspective is more, 'how much do we need?' and I'm aiming there.

Feel free to pm me if you like.

[user1496272879]

I was exactly as you are now. I am now taking fluoxetine an antidepressant, and my job is much much bearable. Is the easiest cheapest option, if this doesn't work then try more complex changes. And I was not depressed either. Good luck

[Phatseau]

I am sorry to hear you're having such a rough time. It sounds like a really tricky situation to be in. I wonder if research could be an avenue to explore although as you say, there may well be a pay cut.

Are you a clinical psychologist? You don't have to answer at all but I was just wondering as I recognise some of these themes.

[LittleKiwi]

Could you look very critically at your outgoings and see what you could give up? No amount of money or nice things is decent compensation for stress and misery.

If you're working in the private sector, is there a public sector role that might take the pressure off? Or vice versa? Could you use your fifth day to retrain to open up new opportunities?

You have my sympathy and best wishes. I gave up a very stressful well paid job to be at home with our children and I feel like a different person (I know how lucky we are to be able to afford it). No, bugger that, I AM a different person - happier, kinder, more patient, more optimistic and more creative. I feel like I undid all the harm of more than a decade of an aggressive, competitive life. Hope this gives you hope and I hope you do it.

[Mistletoekids]

YANBU

Medicine is shit

[Dolly80]

Yellowflower I feel like I could have written your post. Although I don't work in health, I work in social care, I also feel burnt out by the system/organisational stuff. Like you, my partner earns much less than me so I get to enjoy the added pressure of being the main breadwinner too. If I'm being completely honest, my current job has left me feeling broken and unhappy in a profession I was previously passionate about.

I'm at a place where I really don't know what to do. Ive started applying for other jobs so am waiting to see if I get interviewed for those. I also thought about being signed off by my GP, but feel guilty that I'd leave other senior members of my team with more stress.

I typed my resignation letter last week, with no other job to go to, but chickened out of giving it in! After reading some advice already given I'm thinking perhaps I should have a serious think about what's achievable money wise, I have to give 2 months notice anyway so maybe with a bit of saving etc I could develop an exit plan.

[SandcastlesInWinter]

Back when I was an intern, there was a VP at my firm who was very dissatisfied with her job, and yet very unwilling to quit because she came from a fairly disadvantaged background, and she was I guess the "success" story of her family. Initially she tried waiting it out to see if she could grow to like her work, but throughout the months I only saw her temper getting shorter and her resentment levels climbing higher. Eventually she threw in the towel and went to work in a different sector (finance to tech). Took an initial pay cut, but she adapted and now a couple of years later she's happy, and back on the same pay scale as before anyway.

[user1495025590]

I think, as others have said, if you do not act the decision will be taken out of your hands one way or anorher.The current situation does not sound sustainable. I think you need to stop referring to it as a great job/career.It is not.You are selling your soul and eventually you will sacrifice your mental and physical health.

[Harvestmoonsobig]

burnt out teacher here who left her job 3 months ago, also became lone parent 8 months ago. I claim child tax credits, work supply and will office temp over the summer.

Came from poverty so this is my most dreaded worst case scenario. HOWEVER, it's cathartic to face and be seen to be coping with a worst fear. Have no expectation that it will be a fairytale ending. I AM MANAGING FINANCIALLY. The bills are paid every month and I've not yet dipped into my savings which are for this very eventuality.

In the apparent shit storm that is my life currently I've never felt so healthy - psychologically or physically.

PPs don't underestimate the significance and impact on well being of a high pressure career combined with children. It's too much to expect from one person.

My best wishes to you.

[HerBluebiro]

What I think is interesting is the common themes. People across different health care fields recognise themselves and wonder if the op is one of them.

First you are not trapped op. You have choices if your husband is working now then you may well cope on a lower salary for a year or three.

If you are a doctor I believe salary protection is going in the new contract. But worth double checking.

You work 4 days. Is this full time in 4 days? Would it be less stressful to work full time in 5 days?

If you are a gp feel free to pm me as there are various online groups that you may be aware of already. If not a gp or a Dr may still be worth thinking of putting what your field is. As mumsnet is so wide there are likely to be other parents on here who work in the same area who can point you towards field specific support.

If you are burnt out you do not have to go to work today. Or tomorrow. Take some time. If you make a mistake because you are tired or a quivering ball of stress noone, Absolutely noone, will have your back. And if you work in healthcare you know any mistake could be a biggie

[HairyToity]

I'm a Chartered Surveyor. When I worked in private practice juggling lots of clients and fee chasing I was burnt out. I changed jobs to managing properties for a large company and am much happier. Sometimes a job change is all that is needed.

[blueistheonlycolourwefeel]

I am a HCP. I changed jobs and changed my kind of short lived stress to a longer term stress with similar money and I have come to hate it.
I had an interview yesterday for a job that pays £5k less but I'm seriously considering it. I'm sick of being stressed and felling like I can't do my job.

[cashmerecardigans]

Can you shift do a different sector? If you're in a senior position you'll have great transferable skills that will be valued elsewhere. Try and stand back and look hard at your skill set, look at other roles and see how they map across. I work in HE and as a sector it's much more open to those with a varied background and perspective than it used to be.
Good luck

[ProfessorLayton1]

OP -I am a hospital consultant, you have my sympathies! There are various support groups you can look into. Your employers would rather support you to work less hours so they don't loose your expertise. Have a discussion with any of your trusted colleagues- most of us would have gone through what you are going through ( wanting to quit) at some point in our career.
I moved sideways to a lesser busy hospital so am more at peace with what I do, have more time for my children now .. you need to look around what is available before you make any decisions..good luck

[Headofthehive55]

It's a difficult one. Maybe you have achieved what you set out to achieve so have "done it".
I have stress from the other end - of having not achieved career wise at all. I haven't even got off the starting rung and that can equally create unhappiness.

[stopfuckingshoutingatme]

Start to use your one day off to Research other possibilities and options OP

Also find a listening ear even if it's counselling
Good
Luck it won't be like this forever but only you can Change this

[PurpleWithRed]

About 6 months ago I did a massive career switch - from running my own consultancy which was well paid and with hours under my control but becoming hugely stressful as the market shrank, to working full time for about 50% of the salary in a completely different field. I thought I would hate it and we'd starve.

Actually, it's pretty brilliant. I've discovered we can still live very well indeed on much less money, and that a less demanding job means a much happier me. Having a hugely supportive DH helps an awful lot. Good luck.

[BangkokBlues]

Can you take a sabbatical to have a rest?
Drop to 3 days?
Sideways move to a more supportive / less busy setting?
If for eg you are a partner in a GP practice you could locum or be a salaried doctor and not have to deal with the management side of things.

[dudsville]

I went to sleep after that post op, my apologies. I then went on to dream about work, not hard to interpret, an idiot in a position of power was so arrogant as to think he could control a lion so I was busy trying to keep myself safe, while teams kept being redefined, changed, etc.

My biggest problem lately has been anger. I tend to be diplomatic at work but I'm becoming incredibly quick to actual rage and it's hard to keep in check.

We may do the same job, there's certainly a general theme on this thread re health professionals.

I found it helpful what a pp said about feeling she couldn't do her job right. I feel so inadequate at work that is become a problem and stops me looking for different work as I doubt my chances. I thought I would start to assess my work place. I often forget how unhealthy it is and locate blame on me being an introvert in a large organisation. I would really like to get that 20 years paid into my pension so I'll assess the job and see if there's room for change.

[Headofthehive55]

Don't think being with your children is all sweetness and light.
Mine treat me far worse than any manager - they really can't understand why I'm not their servant.
I think the more you are with them the less grateful they are.

[Misty9]

I was in a similar position recently (clin psych) and jacked it in. I was nearing a nervous breakdown and there's no support really until you're off sick I found. What really did it for me was the realisation that actually the organisation doesn't care. So I'm not going to sacrifice my mental health and my family's wellbeing to do the job but not to the standard I would want to. Most of my colleagues openly admitted that they operate on much less than 100% just to survive. It doesn't help that the trust I worked for are very dysfunctional and there's no real hope of change on the horizon.

So I'm home with the kids for now but am clearly not cut out for full time sahp so need to get thinking about my options. Dh far out earns me so there's no financial pressure luckily but I'm feeling a bit lost and inadequate tbh. But I can at least think straight now!

Feel free to pm me flowers

[Misty9]

Oops

[ghostyslovesheets]

I wish I knew the answer OP - I have similar feelings - my job is reasonably well paid but very unusual so moving is difficult (it's also a job area that has been cut to nothing in the past 5 years) - it pays the mortgage - that's it - I can't leave

I actually enjoy huge chunks of my job but it is very very stressful and I work with a couple of people who are stress puppets which makes that worse - I am exhausted with it all

I look constantly for other things but nothing is out there

[bluetongue]

I'm not in health care but have a high stress job that I feel chained to. Being single and having a fairly new mortgage means that quitting isn't an option. I actually felt physically sick from the stress today

[Thinkingabouthowlifechanges]

Reading with interest. Although in my case it's the ridiculous commute that's more stressful than the actual job!