AIBU to believe my employee?

[Urubu]

An employee of mine asked for a day off as one of her husband's relatives relatives has passed and they wanted to attend the funeral. She had already used all of her annual leave but I said she could take it off and just make the hours up there and then so she would still be paid. She told me the date of the funeral approx 10d in advance.
Now DH is saying funerals are planned quicker than this so maybe she lied about why she wanted the time off.
So, AIBU to trust her and believe there can be 10 days between a death and the funeral?

AperolOnIce "Not sure why you're discussing private HR related stuff with your husband

Was there really any need for this snippy comment?"

I don't think it is snippy to point out that it is not appropriate for a boss to discuss private work matters with their partner.

We waited a month 25th Dec to 25th Jan so no nothing is standard

We had just over three weeks between grandad passing away and the funeral recently. So no, yanbu.

Last one I attended (SW England) was over 2 weeks after the death. No,post mortem or anything. My mother's was similar 2 years ago.
In both cases a lot depended on availability of church/vicar/ crematorium, and the ability of relatives who wanted to come to be there on a particular date (work commitments, holidays, etc.)

10 days for an Auntie's funeral a good few years ago. She died on my birthday and was buried on my sister's birthday that is how I remember the timing.

Almost 4 weeks here for my Dad last March. No unusual circumstances, no post-mortem, just crematorium busy busy busy.

My Auntie was buried if that makes a difference.

Funerals are 2/ 3 days in Northern Ireland. My dad died on a sat and was buried Tuesday. It's normally 2 days but can be 3 if the person dies at the weekend.

Not sure why you're discussing private HR related stuff with your husband
DH and I both own the business, even if I handle the HR part he knows the employee well.
Plus it is a small business and when she takes time off it means DH or I have to cover for her, which is why extra time off at short notice has to be for a relatively good reason.
But anyway, as I said, my instinct was to teust her and I am glad your answers are leaning this way. Thanks again

3 week delay for my father's funeral. He died just before an Easter weekend.

I would have said the same as your DH....but I hadn't been to a funeral for many years. Been to a couple recently, which were both weeks after. So I think it has changed over the last decade or so.

Often more than 10 days to allow for inquest, relatives from on holiday or abroad not unreasonable.

Alright now ItalianGreyhound ? OP's DH was perfectly entitled to be party to the information. And there WAS no need for the snippy comment.

When my DDad died there was only 3 days between the day he died and his funeral. But when my DMum died it was 12 days as the undertakers were much busier. When my friend's DDad died it was 15 days between the day he died and the day of his funeral. So it depends on circumstances really.

Nearly three weeks for my mum's recent funeral. Scotland, large city.

Is your husband usually so suspicious?

If she's going to make up the time and she's otherwise fine, why on earth does it matter?

It's my grandfathers funeral next week. He died over 3 weeks ago now. We're in the south.

IME funerals seem to be taking longer, the last few years. It used to be a week but now it seems like 10 days, two weeks, or sometimes longer. I don't think that's a ridiculous length of time.

I'm rural Scotland and its often around 5 days or so between the death and the funeral.

So there is no "UK norm".

Depends where you are. Some parts of UK have much longer waits than others. My aunt's funeral was less than a week. My colleague's mums was 3 weeks.
So no YANBU to believe her, 10 days is fairly normal/legit I'd say.

I'm glad you checked and didn't just assume your DHs knew when he stated that as a fact! It'd be quite hurtful to be told a funeral couldn't be 10 days away, implying she was lying, when she has lost a relative, and was telling the truth. It's probably wise for your DH to let you handle HR type issues!

It always really bugs me when people state something as absolute fact to accuse someone else, when they really don't know at all - I was once accused of taking a ridiculously long route to a work meeting, because the person 'wouldn't have gone that way from their house'. It was the shortest and fastest route (and of course I was able to show that), but they felt fully able to make quite strong statements that I had wasted fuel and time, without really knowing if it was true.

All the funerals I have been to in the past 7 years (I have been to 6.) have been 9 to 15 days after the death. Anything less than a week would be quite soon imo. Although I know in some religions they have the funeral within 48 hours or something.

So someone going to one 10 days after a death is normal.

Must be nice to work for a company where the default position of the management is that the staff are lying.

Even if the employee makes the time up I'd imagine it is relevant if they are telling the truth, if I had a family business I would want to be able to trust the employees and for me a lie like that would be a deal breaker and I would be very unhappy to still have them working for me.

You know now that funerals can be almost any number of days after the person's death, does your DH have any other reason to think it might be a lie?

Given the long time between death and funeral in the UK, do the bereaved actually have to go back to work in the interim, live their lives as if nothing has happened in the interim, and then do a funeral?

OMG, that is unreal and very cruel to the bereaved person if it happens. I cannot get my head around that, if it is true.

Funerals where I am are three/four days max from death.