To think that discipline has gone mad?

[FaintlyBaffled]

These past two days I've had two instances which have left me a bit WTF
The first one involves DS's best friend (they're 13) who has been punished by the school and his DM for what I would consider an act of childish behaviour, typical of young teenage boys. The crime actually made me snigger a little and I truly don't think I would have had it in me to do more than roll my eyes at DS if it was him. I would also have considered the school to be very high handed but that's another gripe

Today DS has made a slightly odd decision in deciding to walk to school as the bus never turned up. No harm done, he knows the route and has walked it many times when we're out with the dogs- it doesn't even involve crossing any roads (though it's the best part of three miles) The problem is he took two 11yo's with him, both of whose parents are furious as technically they were "missing" for about 30 minutes. Now we live in a quiet rural area and the children all had mobile phones (which none of them thought to use) and were obviously together. As far as I'm concerned it's a piece of poor judgment, not a hangable offence.
I've never really considered myself a soft parent (and DS would certainly never say I was) but I don't think IABU to just shrug my shoulders at this and carry on my day as normal!

FWIW with graffiti we generally make contact with parents who are expected to pay for the damaged item and the child receives a small sanction (detention for example). They might lose a place on the end of your trip if it is the latest in a line of poor behaviour rather than a one-off misjudgement.

And if it was your ds's idea to walk then he really should have told them to tell their parents

Why on earth should the lad have to tell his companions to tell their parents? It was not his responsability.

South china - Ironically, peppa could easily be mistaken for a cock, but I get your point...

In fairness it would have been nice if he'd told me (given I was in bed about twenty paces from the bus stop ) so I didn't find out until they were already safely at school. I absolutely wouldn't have considered them to be missing or in any danger if I had known though.
At 13 I was navigating the Tube on my own though so perhaps my viewpoint is a little skewed

Is Discipline gone mad like PC gone mad and Elf n safety gorn mad?

So if the 11 year olds were "missing", did anyone actually try and call their phones?

Or does common sense evaporate in this heat?

So the two 11 year olds were never actually missing were they? Am I reading it wrong? There was never actually someone missing for them or looking for them? Did the parents find out long after the event?

Teenager draws a cock on a book? Not the best way to treat a book but the punishment does seem excessive.

Another parent had realised the 11yos were missing and had people out searching for them. I suppose at the time it's worrying but in reality what's likely to have happened to them?

YANBU OP

Drawing cocks on own books - par for the course, not great but a telling off would suffice.

Parents of 11 year olds have no reason to be furious for their children using their initiative and attempting to get to school on time. They would be within rights to be mildly irritated with non turning up bus company. Pathetic to blame a 13 year old

did the parents not try ringing their own children before declaring them "missing"?

Even if another parent is upset by the actions of their 11 year old, how can it possibly be your lad's responsibility?

Are these the only 2 11 year olds on the planet not to have a phone!? I think at 11 they are old enough to take responsibility for themselves. I wouldn't be holding your son responsible for them.

My 11 year old is in a class with 13 year olds (abroad where repeating years is common) and most certainly expected to take the same amount of personal responsibility as them! If she broke my rules just because a 13 year old did it would be all on her, not the slightly older kid, unless for some unfathomable reason someone in authority had put the 13 yo in charge or she'd been threatened or something!

Why didnt the parents ring their dcs first before talking about 'going missing'??
I wouod have had a go at dc2 for not having his phone switched on (it never is) AND for not letting me know. But im at loss as to why it should be your dc responsibility...

As for the drawing, yes being told off both for drawing in a book AND for the type of drawing. But there is a telling off and being so told off that both the school and the parents have to say something as well as potentially not going on a school trip. Overreaction there imo.

The OP said her son suggested that they walk. I would be very disappointed in one of mine if he didn't tell them to ring a parent first.

But as I said, my very lax boundaries come with very high expectations.

As the parent of the older child then yes, the older child would ideally have told them to ask... But the vast majority of the responsibility is with each child for him or herself!

Are the 11 yos year 7 at the same school?

I didn't want to read and run but just wanted to say in respect of the second thing I would say what your DS did was commendable. He had no way of knowing whether the parents of the two eleven year olds were even still at home. It's obvious they're allowed to travel to and from school by themselves, and surely it's better that they travelled to somewhere safe than potentially go home and find nobody in. Their aim was to get to school, it was none of their faults that the bus was missing, and they still got to school. It's a sad indictment on modern society that anyone could think that they were wrong for doing this. Yes maybe tell him to make sure he texts you if it happens again just so that you know what's going on. If it were me I would tell my DC that I wouldn't want to find out their bus was in a crash (and that was why it didn't turn up) and imagine they'd been on it.

Goodness, my son used to draw cocks all over everything he got his hands on. Fortunately he has grown out of it now.

I don't think that drawing cocks is par for the course tbh.

But if it was a book that you are supposed to write/draw in better than a reading book imo.

As for the 11yr olds walking to school-wasn't that their deision?

And yes they were responsible for telling their parents that the bus hadn't turned up & they would walk.

How were they deemed missing though?

At 11yrs old you are at secondary school here & I doubt that the teachers have the slightest interest in how the kids get to school.

Iirc, if your teacher doesn't turn up then you are kept for the first two lessons & then sent home.

We are in a small town so that might not apply everywhere.

Bernard then presumably if yours had been one of the 11 yos in the scenario you'd have applied your high standards to your own child for breaking your rules, not to someone else's child for making a suggestion which your child could have chosen not to act upon!

It's always willies! I'm a secondary teacher. There are willies on everything. Very typical and not a hanging offence but it's still so weird.

Yes I would. But the older the child the higher the level of responsibility expected.

I disagree, it is not the older child's responsibility to make sure they have told their parents. They were only making their way to school

11 year olds should know how they are expected to behave in the completely likely and very predictable scenario of bus being late/not turning up. If they are old enough to get a bus on their own they are old enough to tell their own parents if there is a deviation from the plan.

OP were the kids terribly late? am guessing they were later than the ringing in sick deadline?

Ridiculous. The children should be praised for using their initiative. Some would see it as an excuse for missing school ("the bus never turned up").

Do girls do it too rainbow?