AIBU not to want MIL's dogs in my home?

[Rose8282]

My MIL got herself two medium sized dogs a couple of years ago who she is quite dotty over. Lately whenever she comes for the day or to stay she brings them with. We have a garden so they tend to go out and then bring their muddy paws all over the house. She tries to stop them going on sofas but they often do when she's not around.
We have a 4 year old and I'm due in 3 weeks time. MIL is has said she wants to visit a lot when new baby arrives but will have to bring the dogs.
It'd be nice if she just acknowledged or asked if it's ok and not just assumed it was. DH thinks it's not a big deal and we should just mop floors after they leave.
Am I being a neurotic overly emotional pregnant lady?! I don't really want two lively smelly dogs messing up my house when I'm dealing with a child and a newborn 😕

Late to the party - but i agree with the majority here.

OP I know this is tricky but - when it comes down to you and her having the talk, find the words to gently tell her she's welcome anytime but that you're sorry you don't want the dogs round any more. BUT ... don't start to offer up solutions.

The reason for this is twofold:

First, if you start firing off alternative ideas like dog sitters, kennels, crates, shorter visits ect, she's likely to come up with reasons against them all there on the spot and you're immediately in confrontation/argument/neither back down territory and the conversation is doomed.

Secondly - once she's poo poo'd the solutions to your face it's going to be harder for her to accept that idea as a good one later on. For reasons of pride and because she'll have talked herself out of it on the spot. It'll be hard, but steer the covno so that she comes up with her own good solutions and they'll seem more acceptable.

YANBU.
We brought my MIL a dog when there was a close family bereavement. She was getting really down, and the dog helped her big time. She adores this dog, and we are very pleased about that.
We also have a dog, so we are used to the mess a dog brings. However MILs dog has not been trained very well (so jumps all over the furniture and has destroyed DS toys), malts fur like crazy (large amounts) and is generally a nuisance (covered my bare legs in mud last week - an hour after I'd got out the shower by jumping all over me).
She never asks if she can bring the dog when she comes over, or when she invites herself to things we have planned to do (indoors or outdoors). The house is such a mess by the time they leave, it drives me mad. It's usually always just after I've done a big clean at home too, and if I don't clean the house before MIL arrives she judges big time (think looking around the room down her nose with her face screwed up).
But don't worry I usually give her the finger behind closed doors -- haha.--

If she directly asks ''well what do you expect me to do with them?!'' just take it as a kind attempt to tackle the problem.

Calmly say something like ''hmm well yes, what do you think would be a good idea?'', ''Well i know you know your dogs so well, what solution do you think would be best?''

Try and go from there. Obviously if she's determined to make it a confrontation there's nothing you can do and you'll have to just stand your ground and do the you're welcome but not the animals on repeat sadly.

Yanbu.

The dogs can go to daycare, or she gets a pet sitter for them.

Kennels.
Doggy daycare.
Pet sitter.
They are her dogs. Not your problem. You will have enough on your hands with two very small children. You don't need any added stress.
And yes. I'm a dog owner!

I definitely agree with MIL not bringing her dogs, no way.

My SIL tries to talk me into allowing her snappy Yorkie to my house, but there's no chance, I'm not a dog person but besides that, my cats would eat it alive!

I have a dog and always ask to bring him, he's a very well behaved dog, doesn't go on sofas etc but it is always polite to ask first, not just assume.

Ask her to employ a dog walker on the days she visits so she can leave them at home?

When I told my mil we didn't want her all her dogs visiting, she refused to visit us. Which was fine. Her choice

I have a dog. All my close family have dogs too and we take them to each others houses but this is normal and reciprocated by all. The last BBQ we had at mine, all the dogs had great fun together but were outside for 99% of the time.
SIL is pregnant and Ddog normally comes to their house with us but when the baby is born, he won't be coming round unless they specifically ask me to,to play with their dog in the garden or go for a walk.
I would never assume that I could take DDog to anyone elses house. If I do take him somewhere he is welcome, any mess he makes, I clear up too.

I'd much prefer dog visitors than human most of the time!

If they are jumpy up dogs i would really be worried about them around a baby. What if they jump up and knock the moses basket or similar? Even with no malicious intent that would be very serious.

You are not going to be in a fit state to watch them every second, and it sounds like mil doesn't. They just aren't well enough trained to be around a baby.

I would focus on the safety issues rather than the hygiene issues when talking to her - people don't react well to the suggestion that their pets are 'dirty'.

Just No. No dogs. Leave no room for doubt.

All I'm saying is if you say no dogs and then mil can't visit because she has no-one to let sit, you can't then complain that she's not visiting her grand-children.

I would think that if she tried, she could find a solution for her dogs, to board them if she wants to stay with Op and family for a few days, or to have a dog sitter, it's not that hard to do, people do it all the time.

If she is saying she is bringing her dogs or else she's not coming, I find that to be extremely thoughtless and rude of mil. In this particular case with a 4 year old and a newborn and all the extra duties going on, bringing in two dogs around the little ones and into Op's home where having to do even more cleaning and watching for interactions between the children and the dogs is not a headache a new mother needs. Mil should realize that very easily, it's not rocket science. If she doesn't want to come without the dogs, if that is a condition, then mil can stay home and not come. I love dogs but this is not the time to bring your two dogs over.

MIL pays for a large kennel/shed/run in your garden?

I have dogs. I would never assume they were welcome in someone else's house.

" But yes I agree why did she have to go out and get herself not one but TWO dogs?! After her grandchildren were born! "

Oh, yes, it is so selfish when grandparents live their own lives with their own things to make them happy. Why should we accommodate them?

At no point here have you suggested that she might be coming to help you or to support and love your DC. Is there any benefit to her being in your house?

If there is then you should treat this as an issue of balance. If she is driving to you, loving your DC and being family structure and support, then you might decide not to be as extreme as some posters are suggesting.

Boarding dogs is an expensive hassle. Ask any dog owner. Try to find a compromise if you can. Right now you might feel you hold all the cards; but don't unneccessarily keep dc from grandparents if both will benefit.

I have a cunning plan! Get a cat. Pronto. They look after themselves and make fantastic pets. Kids will love it. Then you can say sorry no, it's now completely impossible. We have all sorts of animals in our house and the cat is absolutely no work at all if you get an older house trained one but to be honest kitten doesn't take long to train (and they are VERY cute), end of debate

Seriously? An hour and a half drive away (so 3 hrs round trip) means that she either has to stay over or comes for the day? Why is this even a thing?
She could leave her dogs at home at 9am (having left food and water for them). Then she drives the hour and a half to your place, arriving at 10:30 -10:45. She stays for a few hours, so leaves at say 2pm and then she is back in her house by 4 that afternoon.
Is she saying that she can't leave her dogs for that long? She could then bring them on a long walk once she returns home and they get their necessary exercise.
Search the internet for doggy day care or dog walkers near where she lives, when she says she is coming for a visit make it clear to her that while she is very welcome, the dogs are not and provide her with the details you've found. Then it is up to her. No need to tie yourselves down with getting a cat. Just tell her no dogs.

Does she have any friends who live close to her, or a neighbour she trusts, who could pop in to put down some food and let them in the garden (assuming she has one) for a bathroom break or two whilst she's visiting?
If she lets them out right before setting off (say 10am) she could spend the day with you, and have someone let them out at 1, then again at 4, and she'd be home by about 7 to let them out again herself. Gives her a good 6 hours visit, no dogs coming with, and the dogs welfare is taken care of. (i am assuming 3 hours is an ok time scale, i've never had a dog so not sure how often they need a wee)

This is all assuming she has close living friends or a trusty neighbour who are available though.

To those suggesting a cat, i vote hamster! Small, easy to care for, and not roaming the house. I have OCD so can't have a roaming pet, just a caged one, and they're so cute and fascinating to watch, i bet DD would likely love it.

Or a corn snake, majority are super mild mannered (i have 4, had a 5th but it escaped and never found :( but out of the 5, only one is a bit of a nasty bitey git, 2 (3 if including my lovely Ace) are the most docile things ever, one hasn't decided on its temperament yet) they're cheap to feed, and the heat mat really isn't that expensive to run, it's prob cheaper for the electricity and the food than it is to feed a cat or dog.

watcha most responsible dog owners won't leave their dogs alone for 7 hours. Yes doggy day care is an option, but 7 hours is a long time for a dog to be left with no human interaction.

I don't think Yabu for not wanting the dogs there-and I say that as a person with a dog. but best of luck trying to tell her that-as if she is a certain kind of dog person it will kick off.
My mum has a massive dog that is lovely but stinks to high heaven. I look after him frequently when they are away which is an inconvenience but they have done a lot for me etc etc... my one rule is that he sleeps downstairs in the kitchen with my dog, which he is fine with. Until he comes to stay with them actually there. They insist on having him sleep upstairs with them in my room (I go in with dd so they can have have he comfier bed). I hate this and I've raised objections politely and latterly less politely. My mum just carries on-it's like some people are deaf to anything but the dogs perceived (not in this case actual) needs.
It's got to the point where I now start to resent them coming at all as they won't abide by this one rule.

I think your dh needs to back you up or as a compromise can the dogs stay in one room/the garden when they come over? I hope you have better luck with your MIL than I've had with my mum...