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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU not to want MIL's dogs in my home?

97 replies

Rose8282 · 19/06/2017 19:58

My MIL got herself two medium sized dogs a couple of years ago who she is quite dotty over. Lately whenever she comes for the day or to stay she brings them with. We have a garden so they tend to go out and then bring their muddy paws all over the house. She tries to stop them going on sofas but they often do when she's not around.
We have a 4 year old and I'm due in 3 weeks time. MIL is has said she wants to visit a lot when new baby arrives but will have to bring the dogs.
It'd be nice if she just acknowledged or asked if it's ok and not just assumed it was. DH thinks it's not a big deal and we should just mop floors after they leave.
Am I being a neurotic overly emotional pregnant lady?! I don't really want two lively smelly dogs messing up my house when I'm dealing with a child and a newborn 😕

OP posts:
Aquamarine1029 · 19/06/2017 20:23

Your house, your rules. Your husband needs to deal with his mother and put an end to this nonsense. I would be livid.

LittleBeautyBelle · 19/06/2017 20:25

I like dogs but dogs are messy and smelly and sometimes unpredictable around young children.

It is VERY rude for your mil to presume to bring her dogs.

It is your house. You have a 4 year old and you're about to give birth to a brand new baby. You have ENOUGH things to do without having to worry about how mil's dogs are going to interact with your 4 year old and your newborn. For that reason alone, I would say NO. There is no reason in the world, including appeasing a thoughtless mil, to welcome her dogs into your home at this time. Any "help" she is likely to give will be overrun by having to add the extra duties to your many other duties of watching over the dogs and your children's safety. Over the top!!

Plus the dogs tracking dirt on the floors, smelling up the house so that you can't smell the lucious baby smell, (yes I wrote 3 smells), and them possibly peeing on the sofas and floors, barking, knocking over new baby stuff, waking the baby, accidentally scatching or biting your children, I love dogs but NO NO NO.

Overrule your husband. He'll get over it. You're pregnant, 4 year old, new baby, tons to do, his opinion doesn't count right now, sorry.

LilCamper · 19/06/2017 20:27

The health shit in here is crazy. As long as the dogs are well behaved what is the problem?

Science has proven that kids brought up around dogs are more robust health wise.

RaspberryOverloadsOnIcepops · 19/06/2017 20:29

YANBU

DH thinks it's not a big deal and we should just mop floors after they leave.

Since it's not that big a deal, he gets to do the mopping. Or was the "we" to mean he expects you'll be doing it, after all you'll be at home. If so, he can wise up fast.

No way would I be allowing dogs into my house, newborn or not. You'll shortly be having a newborn and a 4 year old, and maternity leave is about caring for your children and recovering from childbirth. It is not an excuse for others to lay extra work onto you.

The best I could do is to allow them into the garden and state that they stay there. But with your MIL's presumption that she will be bringing the dogs, then I'm afraid I'd be mroe inclined to be saying no way at all.

LittleBeautyBelle · 19/06/2017 20:30

We had our dog when we brought home our baby, but he was our dog, and we knew him very well, he was older, and very mellow. No way to bring mil and dogs into the picture of brand new baby just home from hospital & 4 year old.

SleepFreeZone · 19/06/2017 20:30

I would have hated it too, so that's s no from me.

WhiteP · 19/06/2017 20:49

This is really refreshing. I thought I was the only person on earth who couldn't stand dogs and believed they were the worst thing you could have around children, particularly newborns.

BarbarianMum · 19/06/2017 20:51

"Science has proven that kids brought up around dogs are more robust health wise."

Bullshit it has.

Science has shown that exposure to certain type of hookworms and diseases of cattle desensitize the immune system.

It has also shown that children brought up with pets on average have less allergies but this is correlation not causality. Adults with pet allergies (whose children are also more likely to be allergy prone) are less likely to have pets than those who don't.

Original poster
Rose8282 · 19/06/2017 20:51

Nice to see I'm not going mad! To be fair, DH is very supportive and was the one mopping the floors last time and def will be again next time. But I think we're definitely gonna be having words about the dogs

OP posts:
Whocansay · 19/06/2017 21:06

I love dogs. But no matter how nice they are, I would be concerned with dogs around a baby - or a toddler for that matter.

As for having to clean up after them - with a newborn that's the last thing you'll want to do. Fuck. That.

YANBU.

ForalltheSaints · 19/06/2017 21:31

If you are not happy, then the answer must be no.

Athome77 · 19/06/2017 22:07

Get a cat.

Original poster
Rose8282 · 19/06/2017 22:13

athome- that's a brilliant idea!

OP posts:
kali110 · 20/06/2017 01:10

I sort of agree with LilCamper
You haven't said they misbehave or seem to be a danger to the kids so i don't understand the problem?
Get dh to mop the floors def, ( he should be doing more than mopping the floors right now Wink )
If not then you may just have to settle on seeing less of mil.

kali110 · 20/06/2017 01:11

Though i would get a cat.
Always get a cat Grin

K1092902 · 20/06/2017 01:53

YANBU but if she is otherwise a good grandparent then I feel it extreme to prevent her from seeing her GC. Is she in a position to be able to afford kennels??

Maybe a compromise- build a small pen in the garden so the dogs come but they stay outside away from you and your newborn and MIL is responsible for cleaning up after them and walking them.

Longtime · 20/06/2017 02:30

I have a dog but don't think you ABU at all. Please get your dh on your side and get it sorted before baby arrives. Just be firm and say no. I don't understand why she can't leave her dogs at home. I would never leave our dog at home all day alone (both dh and I are self employed so there is mostly somewhere here) but do leave him for a few hours for shopping etc.

WateryTart · 20/06/2017 05:35

Another "no dogs" home here. Just tell her no dogs from now on and take the flak, don't wait for the baby to arrive, you won't have the strength.

AddToBasket · 20/06/2017 05:45

If she is coming to do you a favour, look after DC1 etc, then it's always good to acknowledge/recognise other people's priorities.

shouldwestayorshouldwego · 20/06/2017 05:58

I would say that they don't seem particularly well behaved if they are jumping on the sofa with muddy paws. Sounds as if dh needs to have a word and tell her that either she leaves them at home or that you will put a couple of stakes / pens in the garden and you will restrain them yourselves when she gets there. That way it is always in your control. For the first few months I would also (unless you want her more) say no visit without dh there - at least then he can deal with dogs and restraining them/her.

Most well exercised (make sure she walks them as soon as she arrives) well trained dogs could manage that for a short while and it is her choice to bring the animals. If she doesn't like it she can get them cared for at home or come less frequently.

emmyrose2000 · 20/06/2017 06:47

YANBU

I would never let anyone onto my property (inside or out) if they brought along their dog (or any other animal for that matter; except maybe some fish). The only pet/s allowed on my property are mine - usually a cat.

MIL needs to be bluntly told that she can't do this. If she refuses to abide by this then she won't be allowed to see the baby.

Collaborate · 20/06/2017 06:53

How long would she have to leave them alone for? This IMO is the key.

Collaborate · 20/06/2017 06:54

MIL needs to be bluntly told that she can't do this. If she refuses to abide by this then she won't be allowed to see the baby.

Utterly bonkers.

Reow · 20/06/2017 06:55

Oh yes, get a cat! Our cat is fucking awesome.

Go to a shelter and ask for a docile friendly cat who will happily live with children. Maybe an adult female cat?

Nonagoninfinity · 20/06/2017 07:15

I have a dog (and 2 cats). I would NEVER take my dog to someone else's home without a specific invite. I arrange for her to either go to daycare or elsewhere. That's just simple good manners.

I also get that you are concerned about having dogs around small kids in case of jumping, scratching, dirt etc...

I'm a bit bemused though about the 'get a cat' suggestions. If you are worried about dirt from dogs paws, aren't the cat's paws going to bring in the same dirt? Cat's may not be as smelly or as 'in your face' but they are still animals that bring dirt and mess (and sometimes dead animals!) into the house.

If you don't want the dog visiting just say so but don't get a cat unless you actually want one; I don't think that's very fair on the cat.

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