AIBU not to want MIL's dogs in my home?

[Rose8282]

My MIL got herself two medium sized dogs a couple of years ago who she is quite dotty over. Lately whenever she comes for the day or to stay she brings them with. We have a garden so they tend to go out and then bring their muddy paws all over the house. She tries to stop them going on sofas but they often do when she's not around.
We have a 4 year old and I'm due in 3 weeks time. MIL is has said she wants to visit a lot when new baby arrives but will have to bring the dogs.
It'd be nice if she just acknowledged or asked if it's ok and not just assumed it was. DH thinks it's not a big deal and we should just mop floors after they leave.
Am I being a neurotic overly emotional pregnant lady?! I don't really want two lively smelly dogs messing up my house when I'm dealing with a child and a newborn 😕

Why is it bonkers that seeing the DGC less will be the logical consequence of refusing to leave dogs at home?

I don't really see my extended family on my late DM's side any more because I prioritised my DCs' safety over their unpredictably behaved dogs. I can't say it bothers me these days - we all make our choices.

Let's turn this around.

"I have two lovely medium sized dogs that I can't leave home alone. My son's wife is about to give birth to my son's second child - and of course, as proud granny, I intend to be around there as much as possible, soaking up all the lovely newborn time I can! But my DIL is now saying she doesn't want my dogs in her house, because they track mud all over the place and get up on the furniture and she doesn't like that.

"MN, of course I try to keep the dogs off the furniture, but I'm just one woman. I can't possibly be held accountable for what they do when I need to pop to the loo, can I? I mean, what does she expect me to do, just not use the restroom the whole time I'm there? Spend the whole time telling my lovely doggies off and get no time with the baby?

"Who is BU, me or DIL?"

If you read that, you'd tell her to leave the dogs at home. You'd say "why can't you leave them at home? Because they'll wreck your house? Why is it okay for them to wreck DIL's house but not yours?"

So reading the ACTUAL OP, I'm saying, your house, your rules. Put your foot down - like a PP has said, BEFORE baby is born, while you still have the strength and mental fortitude to do so.

She's had her turn running a household and making the rules. She doesn't run your house, and she doesn't make the rules in your house. If she wants to see the baby, then she needs to make good choices.

Bang on ^^

How far away does your mil live op?

You can't really leave dogs on their own for 4/5 hours so on the face of it yanbu but if you are re expecting her to stay over for make a long journey and leave dogs at home then yabu if that makes sense.

I don't allow my MIL dogs here most of the time. I have my own very well behaved dogs and I can't stand her dogs because they just come bounding around jumping all over everything. I'd tell her to leave them at home or put them in kennels.

IMO it is so fucking rude to assume other people like dogs, and bring them to your house without checking.

YANBU.
She can't leave her dogs? Why is that your problem? She can't control her dogs in your house, then she can't bring her dogs to your house. Add a new born to the situation, HELL NO!!
If she wants to visit, she needs to find a dog sitter, plain and simple.

You can't really leave dogs on their own for 4/5 hours so on the face of it yanbu but if you are re expecting her to stay over for make a long journey and leave dogs at home then yabu if that makes sense.

No. No, no, no, no, no.

It is NOT OP's problem that MIL chose to adopt two animals that can't be left alone. One of the biggest problems in this world is that people keep making choices that have consequences, and instead of dealing with those consequences themselves, they make it the responsibility of everyone around them. It's not okay. MIL made her bed and she's trying to make OP lie in it - with two muddy dogs that OP didn't adopt.

MIL has choices.
a) Don't come.
b) Come, but arrange doggie daycare.

c) Come, but for a shorter period, a period that her dogs can cope with alone.

Nowhere among those choices is
d) make OP put up with dogs that she did not choose to adopt because MIL is too selfish/lazy to deal with the consequences for the choice that she made, at a time when OP already has quite enough on her plate and actually, no means no fgs and who the hell ARE these people who are saying otherwise??

If the OP had said "My MIL has two medium rhinoceri that she insists on bringing over" you'd all be singing a different tune. But they're dogs, and there are a subset of dog lovers who apparently place their wellbeing over, you know, the preferences and house rules of the people that actually own the house they're invading.

For the record, I HAVE a dog. I love him dearly. But I am not blind to his faults, and I am not a selfish lazy pig. I would not bring him to someone else's house without an express invitation.

I would not even ask the question - I would wait until the invitation was made TO HIM spontaneously and enthusiastically by my host (this to avoid "can i bring my dog" being responded to by "suuuure" through gritted teeth, and then a MN post being made about my horrendous lack of manners and social graces).

Thanks for all the comments, everyone. I had no idea people had such strong opinions on it, and it makes me feel better that I'm not being really unreasonable when DH does bring it up with her.

So awkward when it's your MIL- if it was my mum I'd tell her a firm no and that would be that.

MIL lives an hour and a half drive away so when she comes it's either for the day or she stays over. So I do understand dogs can't easily be left for more than a few hours at home. But yes I agree why did she have to go out and get herself not one but TWO dogs?! After her grandchildren were born!

And I am grateful for when she does help look after my DD- which makes everything all the more difficult- but yeah I think what's probably subconsciously upsetting me is that the dogs welfare seems to come first.

Why is it bonkers that seeing the DGC less will be the logical consequence of refusing to leave dogs at home?

But the poster didn't say that. The poster said the grandmother wouldn't see the children [at all]. That is bonkers. Truly.

At least it is in the real world.

But yes I agree why did she have to go out and get herself not one but TWO dogs?! After her grandchildren were born!

Maybe seeing her family loved up with newborns made her feel the need to replicate that in some way by getting the dogs? Although it makes no sense to me to do that when it seems she wants to be a hands on grandparent but not living close enough to just pop in and leave the dogs an hour or two.

I agree this shouldn't be your problem but when she visits could the dogs go to a doggy day care thing local to you during the day/part of the day? (Obviously your MIL pays for this not you)

No fuckin way. We had a no dog policy for months after my DC were born, and everyone who had dogs was very understanding. Even now I'm wary of having dogs in the house and my twins are 1. Don't let her push you into it. Your baby, your house, your rules.

Not a fucking chance.

No dogs in my house.

I don't hate them, but they STINK and my cat would be furious.

I have a friedn with a rather lovely dog. I normally dislike dogs but her's is fab.
Generally we meet at her house but if she comes here she absolutely understands that the dog cannot come in - many allergies in our house.
In nice weather we sit in the garden and in not so nice weather we meet else where or the dog stays at home.

If your MIL wants to see the baby then the dogs stay outside or at home.

If thy aren't well trained enough not to jump on your sofa then they aren't well trained enough to be safe (as far as any dog is safe) around a baby.

I'm a dog person. I was really pleased when my friend came round and brought her dog with her. We all sat together on the sofa, chatting. Then I saw the fleas! (Friend exited quickly.)

I now understand those who would rather say no.

Can you not just say that you'd love to see her and so sorry to say this but you'd rather she didn't bring the dogs??

I wouldn't say "you'd rather she didn't bring the dogs" as this could be interpreted that it's just your preference rather than a definite no.

She can put the dogs in kennels overnight if she stays over. If she can't do this then she will have to accept that she can't come and visit for longer than a very short time (so as not to leave the dogs alone too long) and can't stay over. It's your house. I wouldn't want dogs in mine either - in fact, I am allergic to them but either way it is your house and you don't have to have dogs in it if you don't want to.

The poster said the grandmother wouldn't see the children [at all]

No, that's your interpretation [at all]. Maybe it wasn't spelled out in B&W that it was in regards specifically to the OP's home, but as this thread is based on the dog's visiting OP's house, it was certainly implied. To suggest that it means at all/ever is what's bonkers.

I don't know why so many dog owners are so rude and think that their dogs are welcome everywhere their owners go. Newsflash: they're not.

My dm adopted a dog weeks after my dd (first gc) was born. Subsequently failed to train it. And couldn't work out why it wasn't welcome in our house. Good luck OP.

Its tricky isn't it? Why can't people see that other people don't want their dogs in their home?

We have friends that won't visit without their dogs, its really affected the friendship, we barely see them. We don't want their dogs in our house, we have a cat, I don't want sleepless nights as a result of their dogs scaring the shit out of a neurotic cat. Also don't want the dogs messing up our home. It doesn't help that these dogs will jump up and the owners will expect that the dogs are allowed on sofa's etc.

YANBU
When my children were small I didn't want my mother'n'law's medium dogs in our house either.
Stand your ground and be firm with her.

YANBU
Although due to the same situation I haven't seen my (dog obsessed) Aunt in two years...