Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is this child neglect or just normal parenting?

109 replies

Maman79 · 19/06/2017 10:14

Would you consider this neglect of a child?

-Leaving toddler in bath alone & in front of tv for a few hours while mum sleeps upstairs
-Leaving weedkiller/ fertilizer near a bouncy castle in shed where children could get chemicals on hands/ lick and ingest etc
-Leaving doors unlocked-kids could get out onto road

Every time I hear about a new incident and am wondering how 'endangered' the kids actually are and if there is cause for concern.

OP posts:
Atenco · 19/06/2017 11:31

I think none of these things are terribly wrong as a one-off (apart from the bath), but it sounds like they are common practice, I find that worrying.

YoureNotASausage · 19/06/2017 11:34

How many times do you have to repost this OP. It's your sister right? The last few times as you gave more information the tings you said became clearly a case of parenting preference not dangerous parenting. This toddler is 4 right?

MonkeylovesRobot · 19/06/2017 11:40

"This toddler is 4 right?"

Oh. A preschooler and not a 1 to 2 year old?

That changes things a little.

Nameynamechangeforthis · 19/06/2017 11:41

If the 'toddler' is 4 then I can't see much of an issue. Much depends on the child. I did some of these things with my DS at this age but wouldn't with my DD because they are completely different types of children. DD has to touch and fiddle, generally get into everything and if the front door was left unlocked she would be off out of it like a shot. DS is much more cautious and therefore more likely to be unsupervised at times.

Original poster
Maman79 · 19/06/2017 11:44

The kids are 4 1/2 and 2 yrs old. Mother has me the nanny and a cleaner. her husband works long hours and is always playing golf or at social events so she has to cope mostly by herself with childcare. Relatives also babysit from time to time

OP posts:
NormaSmuff · 19/06/2017 11:45

4 year old more inclined to go out of the unlocked front door, more likely to experiment with weedkiller, more likely to experiment with the hot tap.
it still needs mentioning to someone in authority. not mumsnet.

Josieannathe2nd · 19/06/2017 11:46

My nanny politely told me that 'on her watch' she had to conform to certain safety standards. For insurance... could you use that as a way to address some issues e.g. Chemical storage?

YoureNotASausage · 19/06/2017 11:48

Sorry OP, your story sounded a lot like someone who posted multiple times a few weeks ago and turned out to be putting a lot of spin on her stories.

converseandjeans · 19/06/2017 11:56

YANBU they are too young to be left unsupervised in the bath and also in front of TV with an unlocked front door.
I know most people on here just imply you are interfering if you suggest it's bad parenting to go to bed and leave the kids watching TV - but it's actually quite dangerous if they put fingers in sockets/choked on a grape or something.
However I do think DH should be included in the issue here as he could also be home more and helping with the kids.
I would try and get him on side & also grandparents and try to come up with a plan so she isn't left alone with the kids. Could the DH agree to pay you more so you are there more days for example?
I imagine because they are financially well off and probably appear to be doing OK then SS wouldn't be as interested.

NuffSaidSam · 19/06/2017 12:02

Are you an Ofsted registered nanny? I would look at their guidance on this, but I think you would probably be expected to report this. The main issue is the bath, the other things are just about ok-ish (although clearly not ideal).

bumblebee61 · 19/06/2017 12:04

Who in their right mind leaves a toddler in the bath alone? Leaving a child unsupervised downstairs watching TV is dangerous too. I think you have no option but to report her anonymously to the NSPCC. She sounds dangerously incompetent, PND or not.

miserableaboutbrexit · 19/06/2017 12:07

The bath and the unlocked door absolutely neglect imo.
My 2 yr old can actually unlock a door so I would consider me neglectful if I left the key where he can get it, let alone the door actually unlocked.
The dc could very easily drown or be killed by a car. How can that not be neglect?

Just because some posters may take these risks and not have the risk materialise doesn't make them acceptable risks to take.

I'd say something I think, in a nice way but these kids need protecting.

NotMyPenguin · 19/06/2017 12:10

Only the bath thing is dangerous.

The other things you mention seem relatively normal, at least in my household -- our door is always possible to open from the inside, but my DD (3) has always known not to do it and she is very reliable so I don't hesitate to leave it (I considered getting a high bolt put on, but ultimately decided it was safer for a child to be able to open the door in case of emergency). Similarly, I store household cleaning products in an unlocked cupboard, but she absolutely knows not to touch or eat things that she hasn't checked with a grown up about.

I guess it might depend on the age of the child -- I wouldn't have felt confident that a 12-18 month old would understand about not putting things in their mouth of opening doors. But from then on, for a child of my DD's character, those things have been perfectly safe.

NotMyPenguin · 19/06/2017 12:13

The thing about the unlocked door is interesting, as actually there are good arguments each way -- I heard an awfully sad story recently about a preschooler who starved to death after his mother collapsed with a medical problem and then died, and the child was unable to get out of the house.

I'm not sure it's always a great idea to have the door locked so a child can't open it. I'd rather make sure the children understand risk and safety.

converseandjeans · 19/06/2017 12:18

notmy would you seriously go to bed and leave a 2 and a half yr old toddler to watch TV alone for a few hours?

SandyDenny · 19/06/2017 12:21

Why attack the poster for raising her concerns? Some people just have to be nasty about everything. It's obviously not a straight forward issue, nit picking isn't going to help.

I have no experience with PND so don't have any advice, hope you can get her some help

OohMavis · 19/06/2017 12:23

As others have said,

Unattended bath - dangerous and stupid.

TV thing... Not great at all. Would be better if she slept downstairs. I've had to do this before, I was absolutely exhausted and couldn't function properly (severe morning sickness). I would never have gone upstairs to sleep, always within arm's reach.

The rest? I do those things and my children are perfectly safe and looked after. They don't escape from the house or touch chemicals they know they shouldn't.

Morphene · 19/06/2017 12:24

The father of these children is a total dick. Maybe his kids need him more than the golf course does?

Maybe you could try pointing out to the father that he needs to help out in this situation, and that if one of the children drowns it might not go down so well in the club house ffs.

Floggingmolly · 19/06/2017 12:26

From 18 months onwards, penguin?? You'd happily leave an 18 month old unsupervised with an unlocked door and an accessible cupboard full of hazardous chemicals?
I would say the fact that your dd emerged unscathed is probably more down to dumb luck than her "character" Shock

refred · 19/06/2017 12:26

Are you an Ofsted registered nanny? I would look at their guidance on this, but I think you would probably be expected to report this.

You would absolutely be expected to safeguard these children. They are clearly at risk and it seems nobody is will to be their voice through fear of offending the mum.

I work in safeguarding, drowning in the bath, or a near miss with drowning are common. I have had children end up with life long disabilities due to oxygen starvation from drowning, along with too many deaths sadly.

Leaving a young children unsupervised while you sleep is also neglect. They are at risk from harm in the home, burns, accidental injuries, hanging can and do happen.

I have had small children found alone on the streets having got out at home and nobody has noticed. Sometimes just a one off but while they are alone, they are obviously at risk again from injury or worse

Whenever there is a child death or 'near miss' the carer is often arrested and questioned under police caution and prosecuted if the CPS see fit.

You are not helping anyone by staying quiet. Contact the HV or GP to get this poor woman and family some proper support.

Floggingmolly · 19/06/2017 12:28

On the unlocked door as an emergency escape route thing... Wouldn't it be safer to teach your child to dial 999?

BurnTheBlackSuit · 19/06/2017 12:28

I really don't understand the weed killer bit. It sounds to me like she is storing weedkiller and a bouncy castle in a shed (doubt the bouncy castle is up in a shed, unless the 'shed' is not a garden shed?)

Most people store a variety of things in the same area as other things. I wouldn't think it was remotely neglectful storing weedkiller in a container in the same place you store a bouncy castle.

This alone makes me think that the rest is exaggerated.

CorbynsBumFlannel · 19/06/2017 12:30

I think you need to report the child being left alone in the bath.
The door being unlocked and weedkiller being left accessible would depend on the kids/level of supervision for me.

OohMavis · 19/06/2017 12:31

Yes, the weed killer thing is confusing. Are you saying that the risk here is that the chemicals could contaminate the bouncy castle?