AIBU to not know what to do

[HardplaceandRock]

BACKGROUND: 7 couples all friends, meet at NTC classes during our first pregnancies, live in a small town to groups of the kids have ended up at same schools, all gone on to have more children and all friends.....think family BBQs, couples nights out, even been camping and to centre parcs together...eldest children are now all school yr 10 and siblings range from yr 7 to yr 2

ISSUE: husband of couple a is having affair with wife of couple b.........wives of couples c & d (I am wife's) discovered it basically caught them meeting up at a hotel and have cast iron proof....wife a has confirmed, when confronted that it is going on and no intention to stop......now no idea what to do.....husband c & d have no idea nor do either of couple e.

Telling the partners of those having the affair, is going to blow their families apart and their will be reprocussions throughout the adult friendship group as well as the children's group.

Also if we tell us it gonna come back and bite us where we end up the bad guys......feel sick thinking about it and don't know what to do....help how do I handle this

Should say I am wife c

Stay out of it.

As I see it the whole thing has nothing much to do with you.

Do not get involved

MissionItsPossible, why ?!? Wouldn't you want to know ?!? You can't stay out of it, too many people know now. Does HA know that you are aware? Maybe it'll spur them to come clean or stop?

Other peoples relationships are not your business. Steer well clear.

I agree,keep out of it.

Tell them.

You are not blowing their lives apart by telling about the affair.

They have already blown their lives apart with their affair ffs.

Imagine you are the wife being cheated on. How humiliating it would be to realise others knew. Speak up OP.

Stay out of it. The partners may know or suspect anyway? Feign total ignorance and be much happier.

They both know we are aware but have both made it clear they have no intention to stop......I just feel horrible for their partners who I consider friends and honestly can't face any of the group right now as am second guessing everything and everyone......I would want to know.....but I just don't know what to do

Wouldn't you want to know?

You said "husband of couple a is having affair with wife of couple b....wife a has confirmed, when confronted that it is going on and no intention to stop"

So doesn't the wife (of couple a) already know??

If it was me I'd want to know. You may end up with everyone hating you though.

Sorry getting my a/b confused....wife b confirmed it was going on

I dont get it. You say wife a already knows.

Surely husband b needs to know too

We had similar. I was out the country at the time so didn't know anything about it, which was very lucky. His Dw never found out (that I know). She is a good friend of mine and I dread the day when she asks me if I knew.

Cross post.

Tbh its sounds like you are loving drama. If wife a and husband b are yiur friends just tell them. They you just have to see ehat happens.

The massive group friendship is over. Because 2 people are having an affair. Not because you let the aggrieved parties know.

You do the classic, " You have until Wednesday to tell your partners, if you don't, we will be telling them on Thursday." If my friends knew about this behind my back I'd see them as complicit with the affair. I demand loyalty from my friends. It's outrageous to see it as none of your friends' business.

Id want to know. It happened to me once, and the slow realisation that half our friends knew before me made it even worse. People that can carry on socialising with you as though nothing happened are not my kind of friends. Cold people with no care about you..

I'd tell them or at least wife of the husband who's having the affair as you are all friends.

Imagine how humiliated she'll feel when she finds out and realised you all knew and didn't tell her.

Either way your friendships have been altered forever anyway.

If you don't tell the wife will be deeply hurt when she finds out and may well distance herself from you all at a time when she will need your support very much.
If you do tell she may well decide to keep her friendship with you all.

You can't not tell her.

Leda how do you deduce that from the op? Op is a friend of these people in a terrible dilemma and is asking for advice, not dramatic at all. My mum found out my uncle (her sister) was having an affair after 30 years of marriage, he was also my Dads business partner. He had gone on holiday with his ow when she found out (golf holiday apparently ). My mum and her other sister were waiting at the airport for him.

The fall out was massive and they did split up. What does the other person who knows say op? I would want to know, either tell or have nothing to do with them again.

You do the classic, " You have until Wednesday to tell your partners, if you don't, we will be telling them on Thursday.

This ^.

A friend of ours found out about an affair between a group of his friends and wouldn't have kept quiet.

So wife b and husband a are the only ones out of your group who don't know?

Of course you have to tell - the friendship group is dead anyway now a few of you know.

Imagine their despair when they realise that the people that they will need support from knew and did nothing.

MiniCooperLover

What If she tells them, they have a big explosive row, it all goes tits up, arguments galore, break ups... and then what if somewhere down the line they reconcile. What would be the point? Stay out of it. Nothing good will come from her getting involved.