Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be dreading this holiday?

92 replies

MotherOfBleach · 17/06/2017 21:59

A few months back, my family (and extended family) booked a cottage in the countryside.

Since booking it, my circumstances have changed somewhat. I can no longer afford to go. Of course, this is my problem and so I've struggled to pay my bit so as not effect anyone else going.

My mother is refusing to entertain me not going and laying the guilt on really thick. But I just don't see how it possible or fair to me or my children to go.

It's a dog friendly cottage so my parents are taking their godawful, untrained ball of fleas with them. My eldery, grumpy dog was supposed to be going into kennels. I now can't afford this.

The dog they are taking is aggressive (food aggressive, guarding behaviors and the odd bout of general, unprovoked aggression) towards other dogs. They make no effort to train or curb these issues. If it growls at my dog or attacks my dog, my dog, who is bigger, will kill it. It is that simple. While he's not as bad as their dog and will happily muddle along with well behaved dogs, he does have a mean streak.

I can control my dog but I am not confident that I can control both dogs or that they will put any effort into keeping their dog away from mine.

I also cannot afford to actually do anything while I am there. I am not relishing the prospect of sitting alone in a strange cottage while they're all on days out or at the pub.

It's bring your own alcohol. If I have 2p left in my bank at the end of the week, it's been a good week. I can't afford to bring any alcohol.

And then there's the slight fact that I actually have no clothes. I've been skint for a long, long time. At the time I agreed to the holiday I'd taken on a second job and things were looking up. Sadly, I then had to leave my first job and am back to square one. When I say I have no clothes, what I mean is I have one pair of jeans, three pairs of underwear and two t-shirts. I deal with this at home by washing clothes every evening after I've changed into my PJs and drying my clothes overnight on an airer.

I really do not want to go but every time I mention this I'm reminded how gravely ill my father is and how it is his last holiday and as his oldest child, he desperately wants me there.

AIBU to think I'm going to have a miserable time? and that we're going to set off with two dogs and come back with one

OP posts:
Justmadeperfectflapjacks · 18/06/2017 17:16

Accept the clothes and donate some of yours to charity. Then you are giving and receiving. .
Presume you came on mn for support? - so let a lovely lady help you!!

MotherOfBleach · 18/06/2017 20:30

You're all so kind and generous. I'm just not used to taking things I haven't earned. I've worked since I was fifteen and I hate that I'm in this position.

I've been at my Gran's all afternoon. We were all melting so decamped to her garden. I showed her and my mum this thread and all your lovely messages and they very firmly told me I am being ridiculous and I should accept the very generous offers and just 'pay it forward' when I'm in a better position.

I'd like to thank all of you for being so kind and wonderful. I'll be replying to some PMs shortly.

OP posts:
JoyceDivision · 18/06/2017 20:33

What did your mum say about the fleabag dog? Grin

Deemail · 18/06/2017 20:39

Good for you op, more clothes will do extra for your confidence and make life easier. I wish I were in the UK and could send you some.

happypoobum · 18/06/2017 20:44

In the situation OP describes, I wouldn't muzzle my own dog unless the other dog was also muzzled. If they were attacked they would be too vulnerable.

I am glad you are going to accept the clothes OP. When I had no money I was lucky enough to have donations from wealthy friends, so I always had something to wear, even if it wasn't what I would have chosen.

I now have regular clear outs and give to charity. If you think of it as a collective thing hopefully it won't feel as bad to you.

I hope you enjoy the holiday and things turn up for you soon.

MotherOfBleach · 18/06/2017 20:52

What did your mum say about the fleabag dog?

She promises that she'll make my dad control theirs. Apparently they have long lines and tie down spikes they bought from Schpock and the garden is big enough that each dog can have their own end.

Mine will be crated when they're eating and muzzled during any off lead time. It is a baskerville muzzle he has and he really doesn't mind wearing it.

If mine can't bite back, I can just pick up fleaball and drop kick him into the nearby stream he's not big enough to cause any serious damage to a person.

My dog doesn't move in heat and we're going in August, if the weather is anything like it has been today he'll find a cool space in the cottage and refuse to budge. He's spent today sleeping in the bathtub Hmm

OP posts:
ShakingAndShocked · 18/06/2017 20:53

I'm very very glad to hear you are accepting the clothes. I've both been on receiving end of (practical in my case) RL help and also been able to help others from books on divorce via Amazon through to hard cash when desperately needed so I echo the accept/pay it forward model.

It's been a way I can pay forward the kindnesses that MNer's gifted me at a time when I was otherwise really struggling and you too will be able to pay forward with either your time or a practical act or whatever. At the risk of a collective cringe, helping each other (whether MNers on here or locals on the ground as so many have just done - are still doing - at Grenfell Tower) is something we can all do in way or another IMHO and it can and does change lives. Even knowing that someone else actually gives a shit is a gift in itself imho.

Thank you lovely MN'ers with your fabulous kind and generous hearts, for vipers you are pretty bloody lovely Flowers

IonaNE · 18/06/2017 20:55

OP, lol at your dog sleeping in the bathtub Grin. (Wonders if there was water in it, too?) Pls accept the clothes offers and if there are any periods when you can sit alone in the cottage - well, I would treasure the peace and quiet. You will be all right. Flowers

bigsighall · 18/06/2017 21:05

Would you give away something you didn't need to someone who had a use for it? Yes? I'm sure you would. Accept kind offers and pay forward when you are in a position to. Makes the world a nicer place.

MotherOfBleach · 24/06/2017 12:27

UPDATE:

Flea ball is not going. The sitter of their dog2 has offered to look after him instead of minding dog2.

Dog2 is my ex's dog. She lived with my dog while we were together. He gave to her to my parents when he got a new job that meant he wouldn't be home much and I couldn't afford to take her.

She muddles along quite nicely with my dog. That should make things much easier/calmer.

OP posts:
saoirse31 · 24/06/2017 12:36

Have a brilliant holiday op, you sound lovely, your children are lucky to have a mother like you, hope the sun shines

MrsJakeLovell · 24/06/2017 12:45

whereabouts are you, @MotherofBleach?

I have 3 pairs of size 20 Sainsbury Jeans (2 boyfriend and one skinny!), a t shirt, blouse and couple of Peacocks dresses if you would like them? All in size 20.

Would be going to charity shop if you don't want them.

vikingprincess81 · 24/06/2017 13:14

I'm having a clear out of mine and kids clothes. I've got loads of sizes in my wardrobe - everything from size 12-20 (health issues make weight unpredictable 🤷🏼‍♀️) and I'm happy to send my size 18/20 clothes your way. Fair warning - I have the tall version of stuff but am happy to stick a pack of wondaweb (sp?) in the package too Grin
Re kids, I have age 6/7 and age 9/10 clothes if those would be any good to you?

user1471462115 · 24/06/2017 13:46

I offered clothes too...... Partly to pay forward acts of kindness that I received from strangers when I was in need.
Partly cos they were already in the charity bag and in need of a new loving home
Partly cos Random Acts Of Kindness benefit the person giving as much as the person receiving , so we are all actually being selfish in offering clothes , as it makes us feel good........

So accept that they do us more good than you, and have a fabulous holiday

Shockers · 24/06/2017 14:02

I don't have any clothes to fit, but I know that if I did, the thought of them going on holiday with you would make me happy!

Glad you're reconsidering the clothes issue.

memyselfandisolodjsjajaj · 24/06/2017 19:31

Op, PLEASE accept the clothes offers. They're not "donations" or "charity".... they're just kind offers. Will help loads. Pretty please? Kindness goes a long way. You will pay it forward when you will be able to.

MotherOfBleach · 25/06/2017 01:06

Oh my goshness, you are all so kind. I have already replied to so many PMs but will reply to more when I have time. I deeply and sincerely appreciate all of your generous offers.

When I was feeling down last week, your offers of kindness really picked me up.

I tend to use MN on my 'breaks' from work so will dash on and reply to something and then vanish but I will read and reply to all your messages tomorrow.

Aunty High Earner has been home tonight so I am slightly more than a wee bit tipsy but I am in good spirits which is because of all you lovely people. I cannot thank you all enough.

OP posts:
New posts on this thread. Refresh page