To be dreading this holiday?

[MotherOfBleach]

A few months back, my family (and extended family) booked a cottage in the countryside.

Since booking it, my circumstances have changed somewhat. I can no longer afford to go. Of course, this is my problem and so I've struggled to pay my bit so as not effect anyone else going.

My mother is refusing to entertain me not going and laying the guilt on really thick. But I just don't see how it possible or fair to me or my children to go.

It's a dog friendly cottage so my parents are taking their godawful, untrained ball of fleas with them. My eldery, grumpy dog was supposed to be going into kennels. I now can't afford this.

The dog they are taking is aggressive (food aggressive, guarding behaviors and the odd bout of general, unprovoked aggression) towards other dogs. They make no effort to train or curb these issues. If it growls at my dog or attacks my dog, my dog, who is bigger, will kill it. It is that simple. While he's not as bad as their dog and will happily muddle along with well behaved dogs, he does have a mean streak.

I can control my dog but I am not confident that I can control both dogs or that they will put any effort into keeping their dog away from mine.

I also cannot afford to actually do anything while I am there. I am not relishing the prospect of sitting alone in a strange cottage while they're all on days out or at the pub.

It's bring your own alcohol. If I have 2p left in my bank at the end of the week, it's been a good week. I can't afford to bring any alcohol.

And then there's the slight fact that I actually have no clothes. I've been skint for a long, long time. At the time I agreed to the holiday I'd taken on a second job and things were looking up. Sadly, I then had to leave my first job and am back to square one. When I say I have no clothes, what I mean is I have one pair of jeans, three pairs of underwear and two t-shirts. I deal with this at home by washing clothes every evening after I've changed into my PJs and drying my clothes overnight on an airer.

I really do not want to go but every time I mention this I'm reminded how gravely ill my father is and how it is his last holiday and as his oldest child, he desperately wants me there.

AIBU to think I'm going to have a miserable time? and that we're going to set off with two dogs and come back with one

I would take the clothes offers OP. Many people have tons of clothes that they can't wear and they just end up going to charity shops or going into recycling. It's not a huge deal for others to send you a few bits - in fact, it would be quite nice to think that someone 'real' will be wearing them.

I would take the clothes offers OP. Many people have tons of clothes that they can't wear and they just end up going to charity shops or going into recycling. It's not a huge deal for others to send you a few bits - in fact, it would be quite nice to think that someone 'real' will be wearing them

Absolutely Dot, baffled why OP would refuse offers of clothes (inc. brand new items so even OCD me would happily wear those!) when folks clear they're happy to. That's not charity OP, just accept it as how great will it be to never have to write again you only have one pair of jeans and a couple of t-shirts

Absolutely Dot, baffled why OP would refuse offers of clothes (inc. brand new items so even OCD me would happily wear those!) when folks clear they're happy to

I just feel that they could go to someone in more need or be sold to benefit the people who purchased them.

At the end of the day we eat, it might not be what I'd like to feed us but we have three meals a day. We have a roof over our heads and a family we are close to. We are luckier than a lot of people.

I haven't always been in this situation and I am determined I won't always be in this situation.

I'm generally quite positive but this holiday has been weighing on mind and my ex-H bought me w(h)ine for house sitting for him recently hence the melancholy and woe is me.

I might hit up ex for some cash. He occasionally comes up trumps for me.

My dog is actually muzzle trained, he doesn't mind wearing a muzzle. I'm sure I have a muzzle hanging around somewhere, I'll dig it out. I trained him for the vets when he's around a lot of dogs/puppies, just to be on the safe side since he can be less tolerant of ill behaved dogs. He's also crate trained and I was intending to use his crate at meal times.

I don't think my dad would crate or muzzle his precious ball of fur and fleas

More power to your elbow OP.

I did consider offering something of mine which is off to the charity shop but like you i had to wear it til it wore out so i don't think you'd thank me! It's off to the rag collection in fact so wouldn't insult you. Things got better for us too.

Would your ex take the dog?

in more need

Right now op, we have you (one of us) in need of a bit of help.

Of course there are some who are In worse situations than you, but right here, right now it's YOU who is here

Please just allow others to give you a little of what they don't need.

It will make them feel good that they helped someone. It will make you feel good that others care.

Please accept the clothes you have been offered. It's one little thing that will make your life better. Those wanting to give the clothes to you have made that choice, and it is their choice not to be bothered selling them.

I think too often we fill holidays with doing too much - when there's no need for days and meals out. Enjoy the time at the cottage with your children and dog. If the weather is good, go on long walks, and if the weather is bad can you take games to play there and enjoy the time together? Or could you do the cooking together one day, try some new recipes and have food ready for the others when they return to the cottage?
We always enjoy cooking together when in self catering accommodation.
I'd be tempted to avoid the alcohol, even if it's on offer. It can make you feel more miserable.
Definitely accept the clothes. It'll give you a lift to wear different clothes and people will enjoy sending you nice things. There's a real pleasure in giving.

Just came on to say please take the offer of the clothes OP. I've been where you are now, so I understand how you are feeling. I took a couple of people up on offers of children's clothes at the time and it helped massively. It really gave me a boost to receive a bag of 'new' clothes.

I agree about taking the clothes Op - don't think of it as charity, it's just mumsnet people doing a nice thing for another mumsnetter. Maybe you will find yourself in a position to be able to return the favour to someone when your situation improves.

Think of the time & energy that you could save not having to wash your clothes every night - and it's a morale boost! Give yourself a break, take the clothes

If you do decide to muzzle your dog, please make sure it's with one of the basket types of muzzle and not a fabric one. Lots of people seem to think that you can use either but you can't. I'm sure you do know, but the fabric muzzles can't be used for more than a very short time as they don't allow the dog to drink properly or breathe to lose heat. They're ok for a few minutes at the vet but not for extended periods.

Please let people help. There is no shame in it and when you are back on your feet you can pay it forward. I'd happily give you a few pounds x

Agree with lots of the PP, please take the clothes offered. Yes there are always people worse off but you are having a tough time and you shouldn't minimise your situation. A few new things to wear might just make you feel a little better and I'm sure that's what the kind MNers who offered intended. Take the clothes and try and enjoy your break.

The dog thing would worry me, I wouldn't be able to relax. If you think he could really hurt or kill him I'd use the crate. Awful things if overused, but this might be the occasion to use it. It's only for a week. Everything else sounds fine to me, and it sounds like you have a caring family.

I'm clearing out my wardrobe today anyway. Guess what size I am?! Please PM me. I have a range of stuff and am happy to send to you

mother re the general financial situation you mention you're a size 20 and only have x items of clothing - is this because you can't fit in other clothes? I have hung onto clothes in much smaller sizes than I am now with the intention to fit back into them (far more expensive than the bigger sizes I wear now)- if this is the case could you sell some to free up some cash?

Sorry just realised I didn't RTFT

OP, when is the holiday? I.e. how much time do you have to find a solution?

How do you air dry jeans overnight? And this is a shared cottage rental in UK but your DM's 'she's scrimped and saved for years for this holiday'? Odd things cannot put finger on There's nothing odd about it Shaking. This is reality for an awful lot of people in the UK.

OP, let people give you a hand and take the clothes. Long term, it'll save you a fortune in electric, soap powder and wear & tear on your machine. And when things have picked up for you, pay it forward. Life is always better when people are happy to give others a leg up when it's needed.

Please let people help you out with the clothes OP.

A mumsnetter once sent me a lipstick, just because I was miserable and miserably skint. It perked me up much more than you would think. Sometimes it's only when you decide to let yourself receive something that you realise how loooooooong it is since anyone took care of you and gave you something.

Do accept the clothes op. A mumsnetter I don't know at all once sent me a bottle of perfume (it didn't suit her) and wouldn't even let me pay postage. It was a lovely thing to do and I really appreciated it.

I gave a couple if mners Stikeez figures they needed to complete their kids' collections. There will be something nice you can do for someone else one day.

If you don't want to accept anything from here (and I understand why you wouldn't) try posting on freegle, freecycle or and local Facebook free groups. People often have a bag of stuff they keep meaning to take to the charity shop that they'd be glad to pass on.

Could you contact a dog charity to see if anyone would be willing to foster the dog for the week? The cinnamon trust does dog walking, maybe they will know someone who could help out so the children can have a holiday?

Please accept the clothes. People are choosing to give them to you. They are choosing not to sell them and not to give them to someone else.

Take the clothes op,why struggle when uou don't have to...you might get some gear that will make you feel fab on holiday and save the nightly washing routine. Go on, we all need help at times.x

Please take the offer of the clothes, I'm always recycling stuff that I've grown tired of or doesn't suit me. I much prefer to be able to pass on good quality stuff to an actual person rather than charity shops as I know it'll be worn rather than ending up torn up and sold as bags of rags.

Allow the kindness to happen the world is a much better place with kindness between strangers.