To be dreading this holiday?

[MotherOfBleach]

A few months back, my family (and extended family) booked a cottage in the countryside.

Since booking it, my circumstances have changed somewhat. I can no longer afford to go. Of course, this is my problem and so I've struggled to pay my bit so as not effect anyone else going.

My mother is refusing to entertain me not going and laying the guilt on really thick. But I just don't see how it possible or fair to me or my children to go.

It's a dog friendly cottage so my parents are taking their godawful, untrained ball of fleas with them. My eldery, grumpy dog was supposed to be going into kennels. I now can't afford this.

The dog they are taking is aggressive (food aggressive, guarding behaviors and the odd bout of general, unprovoked aggression) towards other dogs. They make no effort to train or curb these issues. If it growls at my dog or attacks my dog, my dog, who is bigger, will kill it. It is that simple. While he's not as bad as their dog and will happily muddle along with well behaved dogs, he does have a mean streak.

I can control my dog but I am not confident that I can control both dogs or that they will put any effort into keeping their dog away from mine.

I also cannot afford to actually do anything while I am there. I am not relishing the prospect of sitting alone in a strange cottage while they're all on days out or at the pub.

It's bring your own alcohol. If I have 2p left in my bank at the end of the week, it's been a good week. I can't afford to bring any alcohol.

And then there's the slight fact that I actually have no clothes. I've been skint for a long, long time. At the time I agreed to the holiday I'd taken on a second job and things were looking up. Sadly, I then had to leave my first job and am back to square one. When I say I have no clothes, what I mean is I have one pair of jeans, three pairs of underwear and two t-shirts. I deal with this at home by washing clothes every evening after I've changed into my PJs and drying my clothes overnight on an airer.

I really do not want to go but every time I mention this I'm reminded how gravely ill my father is and how it is his last holiday and as his oldest child, he desperately wants me there.

AIBU to think I'm going to have a miserable time? and that we're going to set off with two dogs and come back with one

How will it be fair on your dc when everyone else has out days planned? And stressing about the dog will drive you nuts!!

That's exactly my point.

DD2 will no doubt ingratiate herself with my sister's family but they won't have space in their car for both of my children.

What does AFIAK mean?

It's my way of typing the acronym for as far as I know with a sleeping dog curled in my lap and DD1 blasting heavy metal in my ear

Sounds like the main problem is the dog. Can you find a friend who'll take him for the duration? Or sweet talk your Aunt perhaps?

I'm also happy to chip in with clothes.

I feel for you OP and you clearly feel quite guilty but your Mum can still go. If you can't afford it you can't afford it.

'RE the dog- I have a dog that is aggressive if provoked which I think is what the OP is saying. If you passed him in the street you would think he was a sweetie but if another dog constantly tried to annoy him I don't doubt for a second that he would turn on said dog. Even the sweetest dog in the world has it's breaking point.

I think if you can't prevent your dog from attacking and killing other dogs then the holiday is not your biggest problem.

RE the dog- I have a dog that is aggressive if provoked which I think is what the OP is saying. If you passed him in the street you would think he was a sweetie but if another dog constantly tried to annoy him I don't doubt for a second that he would turn on said dog

Yes, that's exactly what I mean. With well behaved dogs he's fine. Puppies are bit much for him now and he'll give a wee warning growl and then retreat back to my side and look at me with big, sad 'help me' eyes.

He's also tolerant of kids although he tends to take himself away when there are lots of kids. He's never showed any aggression to people.

This dog will continuously snarl and snap at him and I am going to the only person there attempting to stop it. As I said, my dog, I can control. I can call him back to me if we spot a particularly boisterous dog heading our way and we can walk past said dog no problem.

If (or when) this dog attacks him, he will retaliate. I can call him to me/pull him off without fear of him attacking me but I can't hold both dogs at once and keep them far enough apart to stop them fighting. My arms, sadly, are only so long.

This sounds really hard and i think you are right that you can't afford it.

Could you speak to your dad every day while they are there? Is he terminally ill - is he really going to enjoy lots of days out?

This will sound awful but quite honestly, if you have only 2p left at the end of every week, no clothes etc, you can't afford to have a dog.
No doubt you and your children love the dog and it would be incredibly sad, but (assuming you don't have pet insurance) what will you do if he has an accident, and suffers injury or illness, especially if you go on this trip and he does get in to a fight with your parents dog?

You're not feeding yourself properly, cannot clothe yourself, but you're paying out to feed and keep a dog? The companionship is lovely, but it's no life for either of you.

It's an elderly dog! Not a recent decision. Op has felt pressured in paying towards a holiday, which she can't afford. Op it's horrible that you are in such a financially difficult situation.

Apart from the dog issue, if you can't afford it...then just say it!
Very sorry, but I just can't afford it, so we won't be coming....hope you all have a good time! End of!!
Perhaps next year get a holiday change bottle, and just put in as many odd coins as you can through the week.....surprising how that adds up!

Really between a rock and a hard place with this one, no doubt! I understand how your mum and dad feel, but I also know that I would never want to put one of my grown children in financial difficulties. If I couldn't afford to help them out I'd probably shed a tear or two in private, but I'd let them know I understood. You can't pull money out of the thin air!

Is there a chance you can go for a shorter period of time with a reduced share of the cost? Maybe then you'd be able to kennel the dog? Or perhaps you could tell your mum it just can't happen and that you will arrange to do something special with your dad when they get back?

I'm sorry you've been put in this situation.

My dad has a myriad of limiting illnesses that are only going to get worse. This is the last holiday he'll be well enough to go on and to be honest, I'm not sure he is well enough for this one.

Atm he is threatening (to me) to sit in the garden the entire time (with me) and we can both drink my mum's secret stash of 'medicinal' Brandy. However, to others, he reckons he's spending the entire holiday in the beer garden of the local pub. So am not sure what he's actually planning.

My mum did suggest just to go for the BBQ (on the first night) and if it's too much (re the dogs) go home the next day. I'm happier(er) to do that but I know once I get there, I'll be asked to stay.

If you are sure that they will ask you to stay on then take them up on it. Do it for your dad. I know I am glad of the strange and varied stuff I did when I had a relative in dire health problems. Maybe you could be dad's dad sitter if the rest are going out and about especially if you are not sure he is even well enough for this trip.

Honestly I would go as this is likely to be the last time you can go away together.

I would definitely put a plea out on free cycle for clothes as well

Awww I would go OP. Time with family is like gold. Unless you really don't get one with anyone, but it would mean so much to your Dad.

Please go! Find a way around everything else. I fear you have put up a lot of obstacles, that could be got around. None of that is important in the grand scheme of things. Borrow a bit off them. They obviously want you to go.

Do you use social media, op?
On Facebook in my area, we have a group where people donate unwanted items eg clothes, shoes, furniture and others can request what they are in need of.

I'm wondering how you end up with so few clothes.

Not sure you'd have time to arrange this (depends when the holiday is) but have you thought of Borrow My Doggy?

I'd just go. We holiday as a massive family and quite often many do expensive days out while we do budget walks or similar. Kids play. They know we are tight for cash and understand. The dogs are probably your biggest problem.

I'm wondering how you end up with so few clothes.

It starts slowly, usually at the start of swapping tuna salad for jacket and cheese because salad is out of your price range and then you have to buy new clothes because you're no longer a size 10 but you can't actually afford a whole new wardrobe, so you buy two sets of jeans. They wear out quicker when you do this and so and so on.

It's hard to wrap your head around how much effect poverty can have on your life on your day to day life until you live it. Five years ago, I'd have been asking the same question.

I think I will go. You're all right, I'm looking for reasons not to go because I'm fed up with being skint and know I'll be envious of them all skipping off on days out and feel like crap that I can't give my kids that.

I'd feel far too cheeky to ask Aunt outright for money, but I know she will bring more wine than could be consumed by an entire army in a year, so I will commandeer that.

Wrt the dogs. They've met, I've had them here on my own before when my dad's been blue lighted to hospital but with very strict controls in place such as no toys or food on the floor, every interaction heavily supervised etc. Things I just can't see happening in hectic holiday home.

I was tearing my hair most of the time but everything made it out in one piece.

I can send you some size 20 clothes ! There's actually a load of new stuff that hasn't been worn ( my mom lost weight quick) and I never bothered to return them.

Please let me know if you want them , seriously .. you should go , let your hair down, don't worry about these little things.

Pm me if you want x

How do you air dry jeans overnight?

By having a dryer that has a super spin setting left over from when you were less skint? They come out relatively dry.

And yes, my mum has saved for years (since my dad's health took a turn for the worse) for a holiday, not necessarily this particular holiday. She just saved until she had a few hundred quid put aside and then we shopped around for deals.

I'm not sure what you are insinuating but if it is what I think it is I would never accept charity towards the cost of a leisure activity. I've had some lovely, generous offers of clothes via PM from some wonderfully kind MNetters and have politely declined them all. I am working towards a better life and it doesn't sit right with me to take such kind offers up when there are people in far more need than myself.

We will dig ourselves out of this hole eventually. Of that, I am certain. Sadly, it won't be in time for this holiday.

*washer - not a dryer. I also have a tumble dryer but try not to use it unless absolutely necessary.

I know that this isn't what you would wish for your dog, but maybe you can ask on Freecycle or if someone you know has a Baskerville-type muzzle for your dog for the week? At least that way he can't kill the other dog. He won't like it but it's at least one issue solved.

Could you muzzle the dogs while they are together? Or at least until they settle down? It may actually be easier on neutral territory.