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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be constantly pissed off at his online manner?

54 replies

strea · 17/06/2017 18:48

Right, this is going to make me sound incredibly pedantic but here goes.

I have been seeing a man for around 6 months. He's funny, kind, sweet and intelligent, and childless though I have a toddler from a previous relationship who I'm not letting him meet until I'm absolutely sure things will work out.

At first, I was properly head-over-heels for him. However, in the past month or so I've started to become increasingly pissed off with him just about every conversation we have over text or Facebook messaging.

I'm aware this is incredibly trivial and pointless but it started off with small things, like him not using any punctuation at all in messages, constant abbreviations (think 'with you people' to 'w/u ppl'), and the heavy use of 'ironic' kisses after everything (eg. xoxoxoxox).

He has no literacy problems, he is extremely intelligent and articulate and he knows I'm pedantic about grammar. If it was just occasional I wouldn't care less, but the fact it's constant in just about every message that it drives me up the wall.

He's also the worst for not only double but quadruple texting. Every conversation we have online irritates me and it's as if his whole online manner is a completely different person to who he is in real life.

I'm prepared to be told that IABU and I know it's something incredibly minor. It just pisses me off and I have no logical explanation for why, as it never used to bother me

OP posts:
HeyRoly · 17/06/2017 18:49

It's only been six months and he's irritating the crap out of you. Take it as a sign that you aren't compatible.

CauliflowerSqueeze · 17/06/2017 18:51

Better than being witty and cool on text but a boring arse in real life.
Text less and phone?

NataliaOsipova · 17/06/2017 18:51

A friend of mine dumped a girl he'd been seeing for exactly the same reason. He said "I know it sounds awful, but I just can't date a grown woman who writes in text speak all the time." If it grates on you, it grates on you. That said, it is a trivial thing - can you talk about it? Or stop conversing over text? Just use it for direct communication - i.e. be five minutes late/On way now - that sort of thing.

thenightsky · 17/06/2017 18:51

What's double texting?

Joey7t8 · 17/06/2017 18:55

You're not being unreasonable. During my days of online dating, I refused to respond to anything written in txt speak.

Suggest you tell him to stop writing like a teenage girl.

Original poster
strea · 17/06/2017 18:56

I have stressed my irritation at badly written texts to him and he just said he writes like that to try and create a more 'informal' tone. What I should have also mentioned in my OP, I would prefer to only use it for direct communication but he wants to have long-winded conversations just about every night like we're lovestruck teens.

Double texting is when someone hasn't replied to your first message so you send another - so quadruple texting is him doing that, times four.

OP posts:
Sunshinegirls · 17/06/2017 19:01

One thing I liked about my DH when I first met him was that he never texted me, he would always call to speak to me. It was so refreshing! Texting is a pain in the arse at the best of times, YADNBU

SmileEachDay · 17/06/2017 19:06

What's double texting?

SmileEachDay · 17/06/2017 19:07

Oops - xpost re double texting

AdalindSchade · 17/06/2017 19:07

I just binned off a guy (ok it was after one date not 6 months but still) because he wanted to have long texting conversations all bloody day even when he had nothing interesting to say. Dull and intrusive.

Buildmeupbuttercup89 · 17/06/2017 19:11

It's only going to piss you off more in the next 6 months. Never settle op!!!

Original poster
strea · 17/06/2017 19:12

YES Adalind - it's just incredibly boring and you run out of things to say. I bet that's partly why my grandparents' generation all seemed to have such happy marriages. No technology interfering!

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 17/06/2017 19:16

Stop texting each other?

If you want to chat, just ring each other.

Tiredbutfuckingfine · 17/06/2017 19:17

The text speak and spelling etc sounds like a red herring. More of a worry is the double/quadruple texting - assume you're a bit busy at times y'know, being a mum and that. Don't need the text equivalent of an excitable puppy popping up repeatedly. That's what would finish it for me

Joey7t8 · 17/06/2017 19:44

Sounds like you're not as in to him as you'd like to be. It's one thing being kind, sweet and intelligent, but double/triple/quad texting sounds a bit needy.

jayho · 17/06/2017 19:54

I've dumped for a 'lol' we're in our fifties ffs.... Lol

mrsmuddlepies · 17/06/2017 19:55

From Joey 718 -
Suggest you tell him to stop writing like a teenage girl.
Lots of sexist attitudes on this thread

OliveSoap · 17/06/2017 20:28

Texts are for 'Sorry, running ten minutes late. Get me a red wine?', 'Can you get X from the childminder? Meeting overrunning' or 'Are you free to talk later tonight?' communications exclusively in my universe.

I'd have lost patience at the first lol.

Flyinggeese · 17/06/2017 20:36

I'm the same as OliveSoap, absolutely could not be doing with ongoing messaging. OP text speak would be the end for me too.

Could you just cut all if that out and speak in person or on a call?

CorbynsBumFlannel · 17/06/2017 20:39

If you're going to let abbreviated texts get in the way of an otherwise great relationship it's either not that great or you're so picky that you are going to spend your life looking for someone with no flaws and they don't exist. The only people I know that don't abbreviate in text messages are of my parents generation and older for the record.

OliveSoap · 17/06/2017 20:41

Having said that, some people do communicate exclusively in text speak and emojis and regard anything else as formal. When I first moved to this village and was using texts as a way of confirming meeting times of baby groups, some people, total strangers, said 'Ooh, we knew you were clever because of all your long words!' But they weren't 'long', and didn't begin with Pray, Madam, do me the honour.... they just weren't textspeak.

Ilovetolurk · 17/06/2017 22:25

I agree with bum flannel
And text is not a formal means of communication - nothing wrong with textspeak

NoSquirrels · 18/06/2017 07:15

It's odd, isn't it, when there's a mismatch between person in RL and their textspeak persona - I have this with a friend.

But I agree with PPs, it's a bit of a red herring- him hassling you for long conversations via FBI etc & being needy is the actual problem. Tell him you can't do FB chats or text convo but you'll speak later, and repeat every time.

anchor9 · 18/06/2017 07:21

I once dumped because 'hehehe' makes my teeth curl.

It's not trivial it's a demonstration. The right person isn't hard.

Iamastonished · 18/06/2017 07:30

I hate text speak. In the early days of mobile phones I could understand why people used it, but with smart phones it isn't necessary.

I spent years proofreading publications and just find badly written communications irritating. I also can't be bothered with text/messenger conversations. To me a text is simply a way of arranging a meeting/telling someone I'm going to be late etc.