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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to want a day at the beach

108 replies

AlwaysDancing1234 · 17/06/2017 09:27

I just want a DAY at the beach!

We live in a big city 2 hours drive from the coast. We are visiting in laws today, they live a mile from a lovely beach.

Arranged we would meet them at the beach about 10am, spend the day on the beach with fish & chips for lunch on the prom then back to theirs late afternoon/early evening for dinner.

On our way in the car and MIL calls DH mobile to say they don't want to come to the beach now as "it'll be hot and sandy" so we need to be at theirs for 12pm for lunch. I politely said (as already agreed) she doesn't need to do lunch, the kids want a day at the beach and fish and chips for lunch as planned etc. but She got all huffy and said she'd bought and prepared all the food now!

So what was going to be a lovely day at the beach is now 2 hours if we are lucky then off to theirs by midday to sit in the house all bloody day instead.

I will put on a happy face and Im grateful for her doing lunch but AIBU to be pissed off that we are doing a 4 hour round trip with kids and will only get a short time on the beach. I was really looking forward to my chip butty for lunch as well!

OP posts:
SquidgeyMidgey · 17/06/2017 10:00

If you drag the DCs off the beach to see MIL for lunch (use her loo, fill her house with sand, get out of the heat of the midday sun etc) DCs will be going mental to get back out anyway. Just sit and say nothing and let her deal with it until she's very fed up then head back out again Wink

TSSDNCOP · 17/06/2017 10:00

If I was near the seaside there's nothing that'd stand between me and a day on the beach with the kids. Days like this are a gift in this country and most certainly not gone spent indoors.

Sara107 · 17/06/2017 10:04

Or do the lunch quickly and spend a long afternoon on the beach? We live about 2.5 hrs from the beach so rarely go but had a lovely day a few weeks ago. Had fish and chips for supper on the shore and watched the tide coming in as the sun went down. DD loved it. Apart from the beach / food issue, the thought of spending all day in the in-laws house in this lovely weather is grim!! I hope you end up having a lovely time!

SaucyJack · 17/06/2017 10:05

YANBU, but send her a text to tell her that you're sticking to the original plan before turning your phone off.

DP's parents can be a bit like this except we don't pander to it. Their view is that they've done their share of beaches/parks/farms when their kids were small and now they want to stay home and relax. That's fine if they want to do that- but we won't sacrifice our time in the sun with our kids because they don't want to go outdoors.

CaoNiMartacus · 17/06/2017 10:08

Stick to the original plan!

My mother constantly prioritised other people over keeping her promises to me, and it really affected our relationship.

NormaSmuff · 17/06/2017 10:09

a compromise sounds perfect. go to the beach, eat fish and chips and join mil later

TroysMammy · 17/06/2017 10:14

Go to the beach as planned. People who live near beaches rarely make the effort to go. I live in Swansea, surrounded by beaches but on a hot, sunny day prefer stay at home, toilet, cold drinks, shade when needed and food to hand.

You have children, don't live near a beach so it's a great day out. Your mil will have to use the food for later in the day. Enjoy.

Sugarpiehoneyeye · 17/06/2017 10:32

Go to the beach, make some family memories, your children will love it.
Your MIL, was out of order, but you can eat the lunch she prepared, at tea time. Your DH needs to get his head out of his backside, and prioritise his family.
I really hope that you all have a lovely day ! 🌞🍦🏖

fannydaggerz · 17/06/2017 10:45

Keep telling her no. You made plans, they agreed and then changed them.

I hope you have a lovely day at the beach with the kids.

NavyandWhite · 17/06/2017 10:51

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

NavyandWhite · 17/06/2017 10:51

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Mistoffelees · 17/06/2017 10:53

Go for lunch at her time then afterwards say you're so full you feel like you need a little stroll (back to the beach), kids will ask to go and you can say "No, granny wants to spend some time with you".

Mistoffelees · 17/06/2017 10:56

Posted too soon...
Granny can deal with whatever response that gets from the children

CoffeeWithMyOxygen · 17/06/2017 11:00

Have you made it clear to your DH that's he's choosing his DM's wishes over his wife and kids? He sounds completely pathetic if he can't even stand up for his own kids.

harderandharder2breathe · 17/06/2017 11:03

PP suggestions of having dinner at MIL instead of lunch is good, but they're also right that you should tell her that before you turn your phone off. Less fall out and less chance of her guilting you/DH into it than if you call when all the food has been prepped. Plus that's a shitty thing to do!

She keeps doing it because it keeps working and you and DH keep giving her what she want! Put your kids first and give them what they and you want!

NormaSmuff · 17/06/2017 11:37

agree with navy,
seems rather mean only to see your MIL because of the promise of the beach

ZZZZ1111 · 17/06/2017 11:38

Navyandwhite compromise would have been ok if in laws had said originally that they didn't want the whole day at the beach when arrangements were being made. Not on the actual day when the children are expecting to spend the whole day at the beach!

thatdearoctopus · 17/06/2017 11:39

The later you leave it to tell her, the more of a bad guy (with them and your dh) you will become.

Get it over with sooner.

SquidgeyMidgey · 17/06/2017 11:40

I think it's the MIL who is using the lure of the beach to get them down there then changing the plan when it's just that bit too late. Why would grandparents want to coop their grandchildren up on a day like this when they have a good beach a few minutes away? Surely they want their grandchildren to enjoy their visit?

Passthecake30 · 17/06/2017 11:43

We have that problem too. Both sets of parents are walking distance from the beach, my mum goes with the flow but dps mum organises a Sunday roast at 1pm every time, So we whizz to the front at about 10, cram as much beach/arcade in as we can and whizz back. And then eat lunch and sulk while everyone is in a post lunch coma while we want to be back at the beach.

Yanbu.

eddielizzard · 17/06/2017 11:47

if mil does this every time it's lovely and hot then i'd suck it up this time as she has bought the food. but make it clear that next time you will be staying on the beach the whole day if it's nice and she's welcome to go home for her lunch but you will stay on the beach and meet her later.

make it absolutely clear that you won't be eating lunch at hers.

very annoying.

LagunaBubbles · 17/06/2017 11:47

Just tell her now.

rollonthesummer · 17/06/2017 11:48

You can't tell her at the last minute that you won't be there for lunch-that's just odd. Why would you not just say you want to stick to the plan?!

Tell her now that you'll be going to the beach for the day-you won't need lunch as you'll get fish and chips on the beach and can have her food for dinner. Man up.

Original poster
AlwaysDancing1234 · 17/06/2017 11:52

We are having a great time as I stuck up for myself and kids and MIL is going to join us on beach later so can enjoy it for few more hours yet. (FIL refused to come to beach but ho hum its progress!)

OP posts:
mickeysminnie · 17/06/2017 11:52

Don't complain 'she always does this!" She only does it because YOU ALLOW HER to do this! A simple, no thanks! 'But I've bought and made the food!' "I don't know why, we never agreed to come to yours, save it and we'll come by for an early tea around 5!"