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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to want a day at the beach

108 replies

AlwaysDancing1234 · 17/06/2017 09:27

I just want a DAY at the beach!

We live in a big city 2 hours drive from the coast. We are visiting in laws today, they live a mile from a lovely beach.

Arranged we would meet them at the beach about 10am, spend the day on the beach with fish & chips for lunch on the prom then back to theirs late afternoon/early evening for dinner.

On our way in the car and MIL calls DH mobile to say they don't want to come to the beach now as "it'll be hot and sandy" so we need to be at theirs for 12pm for lunch. I politely said (as already agreed) she doesn't need to do lunch, the kids want a day at the beach and fish and chips for lunch as planned etc. but She got all huffy and said she'd bought and prepared all the food now!

So what was going to be a lovely day at the beach is now 2 hours if we are lucky then off to theirs by midday to sit in the house all bloody day instead.

I will put on a happy face and Im grateful for her doing lunch but AIBU to be pissed off that we are doing a 4 hour round trip with kids and will only get a short time on the beach. I was really looking forward to my chip butty for lunch as well!

OP posts:
RandomMess · 17/06/2017 09:43

She can make it for tea instead!

Tell her you'll be there for 4pm or earlier if the DC have had enough, they are welcome to join if they wish...

She isn't being nice, she had every intention of cancelling the plans because it isn't what she wants to do!

rainbowstardrops · 17/06/2017 09:44

I'd still go to the beach if your children are really looking forward to it.
I'd be tempted to piss her about too and ring her from the beach at lunchtime to say that the kids are having so much fun that you won't be able to make it to hers until at least 3pm but she's more than welcome to join you in watching the kids enjoying themselves Grin

RandomMess · 17/06/2017 09:45

I'd stay home then, DH can entertain the DC at his mothers all day.

Original poster
AlwaysDancing1234 · 17/06/2017 09:45

To those saying "stick up for myself" you are right and I know you are but I've had this all my life from my own mother (now very low almost non contact) and now MIL and I just can't handle it, especially as DH always takes her side and doesn't back me up. (I know boo hoo poor me)

OP posts:
Floralnomad · 17/06/2017 09:45

Your children come first and if they've been promised a day at the beach then that's what you should have . If necessary send dh to hers for lunch and he can join you and the children again for the afternoon on the beach after he has eaten .

Original poster
AlwaysDancing1234 · 17/06/2017 09:45

random no option to stay home MIL called when we were half way there!

OP posts:
BewareOfDragons · 17/06/2017 09:46

Tell her no. You can always agree to go to hers to have it for dinner instead ... and fish and chips at the beach for lunch.

Original poster
AlwaysDancing1234 · 17/06/2017 09:47

rainbowstardrops - and ring her from the beach at lunchtime to say that the kids are having so much fun that you won't be able to make it to hers until at least 3pm but she's more than welcome to join you in watching the kids enjoying themselves
Now that's a good idea, will psych myself up To be brave enough!

OP posts:
Iamastonished · 17/06/2017 09:47

Make sure the kids whinge and complain all day at your MIL's. Or drop him off at her house and tell him you will be back at lunchtime (and make it back for a late lunch). Your husband is being selfish towards his own children.

CountryCaterpillar · 17/06/2017 09:48

We live near a beach and I never want to spend all day at the beach. We often take the kids for a few hours in the evening when it's cooler. But we can do that because we live near it.

I understand them not wanting to be out in the heat of the day but not changing your plans. You should still go ahead as planned and them join you later or you pop in on them before going home!

Luckyme2 · 17/06/2017 09:48

Can you take DC to the beach after lunch for a few hours? I know that's not ideal but at least you'll be with her for lunch. Fish and chips for tea??

Original poster
AlwaysDancing1234 · 17/06/2017 09:48

Right almost at the beach now so will turn my phone off and just enjoy it.
Until I call MIL later to say we won't be there for lunch (...maybe if I'm brave enough!)

OP posts:
Onynx · 17/06/2017 09:48

Tell her you've been thinking about it and you had promised the children a day at the beach. You are trying to teach them that you never break a promise or tell a lie so you are going to stick to your original plan as to do otherwise would be a bad example to them😁😇.

Original poster
AlwaysDancing1234 · 17/06/2017 09:50

Good one Onynx Grin

OP posts:
RandomMess · 17/06/2017 09:50

So she decided all this yesterday (she's bought the food) and deliberately waited until you were on your way...

Absolutely ring and cancel/delay or tell DH to run off to Mummy and come back for you and the DC later after your DAY at the beach as agreed. At some point these boundaries need to be resolved so it may as well be today!

Shylo · 17/06/2017 09:51

She's being unreasonable and so is your DH but forcing it now is going to cause a huge row for the whole day ...... so I'd turn it on its head, go to MIL now, early lunch and then leave for the beach . That way you get longer on the beach and could even stay for chip butty tea. I think late afternoon is the best time at the beach.

Then, tomorrow, id be telling my DH that that was the last time his mother ruins our plans

NavyandWhite · 17/06/2017 09:51

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

JigglyTuff · 17/06/2017 09:51

Don't leave it until just before you're due to arrive to tell her you're not coming - that would be shit and really PA. Either stand up for yourself and tell her you're not going to change your plans. Or just capitulate. But don't do that shitty really British thing of saying yes and then bailing at the last minute. That makes you not much better than her

Justmadeperfectflapjacks · 17/06/2017 09:53

Or send your wimp dh back to his dm while you and the dc have a lovely day out,?!

Kissesgingers · 17/06/2017 09:53

Also, with @shylo plan, children will be agitating to leave for the beach after the early lunch!

AceholeRimmer · 17/06/2017 09:53

Have fun OP! The ideal thing would have been like others have said, to go ahead with your plans anyway. But if that can't happen, could you go for lunch, spend a few hours there and then back to the beach? No point sitting in the house on a hot day!

Ellisandra · 17/06/2017 09:54

It's rude to just call at the last minute to delay lunch!
Call her NOW, tell her you've just arrived at the beach and the kids are so excited so you realised it was crazy to even consider another plan - so come join you, or you'll be over at 17:00.

And if your husband is an arsehole about it, divorce him. Seriously. Some things are worth fighting.

AceholeRimmer · 17/06/2017 09:54

Sorry cross posted with others! DO IT Wink

TupperwareTat · 17/06/2017 09:55

You dont need DH to back you up. Dont let the children see you need his support in being assertive.

Tell him to go to his mummysmothers for lunch, as you will be out all day as planned.

Enjoy your fish & chips.

TheDogAteMyGoatskinVellum · 17/06/2017 09:59

You don't have to suck it up. It's a choice you're making.

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