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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU or are family changing rooms just that - for families?

77 replies

KeepYourPowderDry · 16/06/2017 23:10

Three well equipped changing rooms at council run leisure centre and swimming pool. A ladies with two toilets / cubicles plus communal changing area with plenty of bench and hanging space etc; a gents with two toilets / cubicles and plenty of bench and hanging space; and a 'family changing room' with 10-12 cubicles, a shower space and two toilets.

There are communal showers opposite lockers and directly outside of the ladies and gents changing rooms.

The communal showers by lockers are visible to those passing by so you shower in costumes but the shower area in the family changing area is not visible unless you are in the family room and you generally see the children (especially younger ones) showering in the nude and then pottering about in the nude going to their cubicle. Cubicle doors also most commonly left open when getting dressed at kids swimming lesson times as parents are dressed and might be dressing more than one child so a bit squashed.

AIBU to think that adults without any children should absolutely not be using the so-called 'family changing room'?

A gentleman today (probably in all innocence - although I have tried but can't think of a legitimate reason why) was using the family changing room at a time when it was full of naked little ones paddling to and fro from showers and yet there were hardly any adults there (apart from the mums and dads accompanying little ones for swimming lessons) and the men's changing room simply could not have been full or busy. It wouldn't surprise me if there wasn't a single other person in the men's changing room at that time. It just got me thinking so am very interested in thoughts as intend to raise with council, if I'm not BU.

OP posts:
Cornishmumofone · 16/06/2017 23:34

My local pool has this set up. When the ladies' changing room is being cleaned we have to use the family changing area. Maybe the gents was being cleaned?

WorraLiberty · 16/06/2017 23:37

I agree, probably being cleaned or something.

I can't get fussed about it because if you're implying the guy had a sexual interest in children, well it's not like a parent with a child could be exactly the same.

If parents worry about their kids being naked in public places, they should keep them covered up.

Mumoftwoyoungkids · 16/06/2017 23:38

The trouble with swimming is that you have to take your glasses off. It can lead to all sorts of awkwardness.

WorraLiberty · 16/06/2017 23:38

*couldn't be exactly the same

ineedamoreadultieradult · 16/06/2017 23:39

Maybe he doesn't like to get naked in front of other men and the cubicles in the men's changing rooms were occupied. Just because he didn't have my children with him at the time doesn't make him and more or less a peadophile than any of the other men or women in the family changing rooms.

ineedamoreadultieradult · 16/06/2017 23:40

*any

DramaQueenofHighCs · 16/06/2017 23:41

The swimming pools near us/that we go to have just one big communal area with cubicles and it's great! There are some communal showers and some that are single showers and you can close the door.
The man may well be used to communal changing and thought nothing of it. TBH I'm often surprised at single sex changing rooms now!

Original poster
KeepYourPowderDry · 16/06/2017 23:44

I didn't think anything in my post suggested this guy was a paedophile! It's to gauge opinion on family changing rooms being just for families (adults with children). It got me thinking generally about whether appropriate as I was genuinely surprised he would choose to go in there.

OP posts:
Original poster
KeepYourPowderDry · 16/06/2017 23:46

Other swimming pools we use have just mixed changing but huge rooms you can change in. No problem with using those at all, or single sex or family. Just first time it had struck me that an adult without kids would want to or be able to use a family changing room.

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 17/06/2017 00:12

Then why do you think it might be inappropriate if you're not implying he has an unhealthy interest in children? Confused

Surely then it's just a room to get himself showered and changed in, like any other?

Original poster
KeepYourPowderDry · 17/06/2017 00:24

Not necessarily him - really! It did strike me as odd but I would never have said something to him because you have to assume it was in innocence without anything else pointing to sinister intent. But gives others the opportunity, no? When there are single sex changing rooms on offer and not busy you would rather go into a busy one with annoying, crying, over tired pre-schoolers running around?

I'll strip my kids off on the beach or holiday communal poolside to change, I don't think we should have to necessarily cover up because of the risk of the odd paedo i just would expect only 'families' to be allowed into a 'family changing room' and to allow adults without children just seems to create a great opportunity for someone with less than innocent intentions.

OP posts:
robinia · 17/06/2017 00:33

Also single adults using family changing rooms are taking space/pegs/lockers from families who can't use the gender specific rooms.

Original poster
KeepYourPowderDry · 17/06/2017 00:34

WorraLiberty you'll note my AIBU was not AIBU to think this person was a paedophile. It was AIBU to think family changing rooms are for families

OP posts:
eynesbury · 17/06/2017 00:35

Why was it full of little kids 'with hardly any adults there' ??

That's your problem

Not a random man

lalalalyra · 17/06/2017 00:38

It depends if there are hidden (for want of a better word) differences in the changing areas.

I always use the family changing room at our local pool, even when the baby is in the crèche, because for some reason the showers in the ladies area are freezing. Also during the day the family area is quiet where as the ladies area is full of people changing for both the pool and exercise classes.

Original poster
KeepYourPowderDry · 17/06/2017 00:42

Hardly any adults in the adult swimming pool! All the children were with their parents / grandparents in the changing room. It was really busy with pre-schoolers and families but barely any other people at the leisure centre / swimming pool.

Are you wilfully missing the point? Are you deliberately obtuse and argumentative in real life? Play nice - it's a genuine AIBU. Perhaps if I'd taken out any reference to a man using it today and just asked the title question the response would be different.

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 17/06/2017 00:54

When there are single sex changing rooms on offer and not busy you would rather go into a busy one with annoying, crying, over tired pre-schoolers running around?

How could he possibly know that the pre-schoolers who were running around were over tired and being annoying, until he'd already entered and started using the changing room? Confused

This does not fit the description of the majority of pre-schoolers using swimming pool changing rooms Confused

And even if it did, you'd have to be seriously highly strung to care what others were doing in the small time you're going to spend in the changing room.

eynesbury · 17/06/2017 00:59

Did you not ask him op? You seem to care so much, so why not ask?

Enidblyton1 · 17/06/2017 01:00

It's a bit odd, but he might have not realised he was in the 'family' area. Or, are the cubicles bigger there? Perhaps he just wanted more space to change? If so, a bit antisocial to take up a family space, but not really an issue if there is a free cubicle and no family wanting to use it. Lots of possibilities.

As long as he wasn't in a female only area, he hasn't done anything wrong. It wouldn't bother me at all. I don't think the swimming pool could/would do anything if you reported it.

Original poster
KeepYourPowderDry · 17/06/2017 01:01

WorraLiberty it's really AIBU to think 'family changing' rooms are just for families. It's not about this one guy who, as I said at the outset, was probably in all innocence.

Truly didn't mean to get right up yours or anyone else's nose! Amused and surprised that the question would throw up the responses and wonder if you talk to people like this in real life or Facebook when not anonymous? I'm pretty laid back about most things, including nudity, as it goes! ✌🏼

OP posts:
ThePlatypusAlwaysTriumphs · 17/06/2017 01:01

I get you, OP. Some people are just selfish and look at a bigger changing room and take it, even though they might be inconveniencing others. It's like parking in mother and baby spaces or disabled spaces. They just don't give a shit

Original poster
KeepYourPowderDry · 17/06/2017 01:04

Eynesbury I wouldn't ask him because in the absence of any other behaviour it would be unfair and I wouldn't have wanted him to feel uncomfortable or that people were thinking he was a paedophile, obviously! Because I try to be nice to people in real life and behind a keyboard lol

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 17/06/2017 01:12

Talk to people like what? Confused

If you mean giving them an honest answer to an honest question, then yes of course I do.

Why wouldn't I? Confused

caroldecker · 17/06/2017 01:13

But you were thinking he was a paedophile, hence your post here. If you had thought it innocent, you would not have posted.
Something like 85% of sexual assaults on children are in the home by family or family friends - do not beware the man in the changing room, beware your DH and your children's friends DH's.

WorraLiberty · 17/06/2017 01:18

Exactly caroldecker

I'd bet you anything the OP wouldn't have even noticed a woman using the changing room without children, let alone alluding to her being a 'wrong-un'.

Just own your thoughts/worries, even if they are irrational but it's a bit silly to start a thread like this and then pretend it has nothing to do with the fact you think this guy might have an unhealthy interest in children.