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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU or are family changing rooms just that - for families?

77 replies

KeepYourPowderDry · 16/06/2017 23:10

Three well equipped changing rooms at council run leisure centre and swimming pool. A ladies with two toilets / cubicles plus communal changing area with plenty of bench and hanging space etc; a gents with two toilets / cubicles and plenty of bench and hanging space; and a 'family changing room' with 10-12 cubicles, a shower space and two toilets.

There are communal showers opposite lockers and directly outside of the ladies and gents changing rooms.

The communal showers by lockers are visible to those passing by so you shower in costumes but the shower area in the family changing area is not visible unless you are in the family room and you generally see the children (especially younger ones) showering in the nude and then pottering about in the nude going to their cubicle. Cubicle doors also most commonly left open when getting dressed at kids swimming lesson times as parents are dressed and might be dressing more than one child so a bit squashed.

AIBU to think that adults without any children should absolutely not be using the so-called 'family changing room'?

A gentleman today (probably in all innocence - although I have tried but can't think of a legitimate reason why) was using the family changing room at a time when it was full of naked little ones paddling to and fro from showers and yet there were hardly any adults there (apart from the mums and dads accompanying little ones for swimming lessons) and the men's changing room simply could not have been full or busy. It wouldn't surprise me if there wasn't a single other person in the men's changing room at that time. It just got me thinking so am very interested in thoughts as intend to raise with council, if I'm not BU.

OP posts:
Original poster
KeepYourPowderDry · 17/06/2017 01:19

Worra the question was AIBU that family changing rooms are just for families 😂. I wasn't concerned about this man in particular but it gave rise to a thought about the AIBU (family changing rooms for families) and, dependent on the response whether to mention it to the centre staff!

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 17/06/2017 01:21

Right so you would have noticed/considered mentioning it to the staff/started a Mumsnet thread if the person had been female?

Righto...crack on.

Original poster
KeepYourPowderDry · 17/06/2017 01:21

Bloody hell CarolDecker could do with you in this Family changing room as you're so good at reading minds - you'd be brilliant to intercept anyone who might not be as innocent as this chap probably was 😜

OP posts:
eynesbury · 17/06/2017 01:22

Maybe he was with a family.... and they had gone in the pool ahead of him and he was meeting them there?

Or maybe the men's changing area was 'closed for cleaning' and he had been directed to family changing area at that time

You didn't ask..... you are speculating

Original poster
KeepYourPowderDry · 17/06/2017 01:26

The question was not about this particular man - really! But I bet if I'd said he Waac parked in a parent and child space you'd be saying I should key his car 😂

OP posts:
eynesbury · 17/06/2017 01:30

Er no, i certainly wouldn't

Parent and child places are not a necessity

stuntcamel · 17/06/2017 01:33

If the swimming pool has been there for decades he has probably been habitually using the same changing room all that time, and has ignored any remodelling of the changing room areas. Maybe he often takes his grandchildren swimming. People can be creatures of habit. I wouldn't read anything into it at all.

quizqueen · 17/06/2017 01:38

I wouldn't like use a family changing room with my grandchildren if a guy came in because I would be changing too.

eynesbury · 17/06/2017 01:52

But men are part of families? How would that work then?

BoomBoomsCousin · 17/06/2017 01:54

The only good reason I can think of for limiting family changing to just families is if there is regularly not enough space. So non-families using it means some families have to wait, when, if everyone used the "correct" room there would be no need for anyone to wait.

I think there are all sorts of reasons to allow flexibility though, most of which will not even be thought of until they rear up.

BoomBoomsCousin · 17/06/2017 01:55

quizqueen that would have to be "mum and kids" changing rooms then (normally known as the women's changing room at the pools I've been to!)

GardeningWithDynamite · 17/06/2017 02:07

Well, I think I get what you're saying, OP. It's not about this one man but in general should you need to be accompanied by a child to go in the "family" changing rooms. As you say, most adults on their own would pick the single sex changing room just because it'd be more peaceful during swimming lesson times.

I guess it's just more usually the other way round - there are lots of places where children need to be accompanied by an adult. I think there are some theme parks where you can't go as a single adult without children but other than that I struggle to think of an example.

I'm not sure how they'd enforce it without it becoming a bit of an accusation - if you're not a parent you're not welcome in the room?

BlueKarou · 17/06/2017 02:19

Surely as long as his (or anyone else's) being there did not preclude you from using the facilities it really doesn't matter whether he (or anyone else) was there with children or alone.

Shadow666 · 17/06/2017 02:38

There was a play area set up at my local shopping mall and they put up a sign saying something along the lines of "This place area is for children, no adults unaccompanied by children". Perhaps have a chat with the staff and suggest a similar sign, like "Family changing area, for those accompanied by children only".

Bahhhhhumbug · 17/06/2017 02:57

As others have said any of the other parents could be having less than innocent thoughts about others kids. Some could even be step or foster parents or have a neighbours kid with them. So several 'unrelated male around naked children'
possibilities there which is what you seem to be worried about. As you say he displayed no other 'concerning' behaviour besides being in the family area unneccesarily in your opinion. Poor man having such horrible thoughts directed at him which the wording of your op clearly betrays imo.

KoalaDownUnder · 17/06/2017 03:11

AIBU to think that adults without any children should absolutely not be using the so-called 'family changing room'?

Yes, YAB completely unreasonable.

Your OP says there are only two shower cubicles in the ladies'. If both are in use, I'm going to the 'family room' to have a shower, whether I have children with me or not.

Why do you think I shouldn't? Confused

MrsOverTheRoad · 17/06/2017 03:36

Of course it's innapropriate. Ignore all the bloody weirdos on here who say you're a "pedo hunter" I HATE this about MN.

Why HAVE family changing rooms if anyone can use them?

I would have said something to staff.

TheMaddHugger · 17/06/2017 03:46

OP. I have no problem asking people in the Wrong room why they are in there. ie: Man in our 'Women's only' change room. Surrounded by lots of Woman looking at him. Honestly,
He Didn't think and wasn't wearing glasses and left Pronto for the Men's Room.

(((((((Hugs))))))) OP.

Sirzy · 17/06/2017 04:21

Perhaps he needed extra space so needed the bigger sized cubicles?

I don't see what the problem is really and if you are so worried about children's privacy then you wouldn't let them walk around naked in front of a room of strangers whether they have children with them or not surely?

Spikeyball · 17/06/2017 06:05

Where are the accessible /bigger sized cubicles in this set up?
From what you describe, I would have always have to take my son (even as an adult) into the family changing room if that is the only mixed sex changing room so saying no adults without children is not reasonable.
Family changing rooms are meant for anyone who for whatever reason is unable to use single sex rooms.

Spikeyball · 17/06/2017 06:11

This set up sounds like the one in my local pool. There are notices everywhere saying not to shower naked.

KERALA1 · 17/06/2017 06:30

It's odd when someone uses a resource that's not really aimed at them when the alternative is available. A bit like someone sitting next to you on an empty bus.

witsender · 17/06/2017 08:06

I think the reason the paedophilic line of questioning has appeared is because you said in your first post that you couldn't think of an innocent reason for him being there. Which suggests all you have left are suspicious ones!

Tbh I think I would be mildly bemused and then move on, it may just be easier for him in terms of access.

Original poster
KeepYourPowderDry · 17/06/2017 08:20

I'm not sure whether it was (unintentionally) in my drafting of thread or some are looking to misinterpret.

Again, I stress:

It wasn't about this particular man.

There was neither more facilities nor space (in fact less space - it can have been the only busy changing room due to about 12 kids coming out of pool and 12 getting ready to go in!) in the family changing save that it is all cubicles in there although they are really small (4 foot sq maybe),

there are more showers outside the men's and women's changing than in the family area,

the men's and women's changing were not being cleaned at the time,

the man was not with anyone else and had just been swimming,

i have no problem with nudity or my kids changing in single sex changing with me or their dad (inc boys in ladies and my daughter in gents) or in mixed ones depending on which swimming pool we go to, but seemed odd (nothing more on this occasion but got me thinking, generally) whether adults without children should be in the family changing room.

Did not think for a second would be such a hornets nest! My genuine feelings (despite those apparently knowing my intention more than i do - I can only blame this on some negligent drafting although on re-read can't see it myself).

Thank you to all who have commented - negative or positive; haven't really had a resolution to AIBU to the question but clearly an AIBU about this poor guy (who I was not concerned about but made me think whether it should be allowed!).

OP posts:
Spikeyball · 17/06/2017 08:26

If the rule is no adults without a child, where do adults who require the support of the other sex carer, go?