AIBU or are family changing rooms just that - for families?

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Three well equipped changing rooms at council run leisure centre and swimming pool. A ladies with two toilets / cubicles plus communal changing area with plenty of bench and hanging space etc; a gents with two toilets / cubicles and plenty of bench and hanging space; and a 'family changing room' with 10-12 cubicles, a shower space and two toilets.

There are communal showers opposite lockers and directly outside of the ladies and gents changing rooms.

The communal showers by lockers are visible to those passing by so you shower in costumes but the shower area in the family changing area is not visible unless you are in the family room and you generally see the children (especially younger ones) showering in the nude and then pottering about in the nude going to their cubicle. Cubicle doors also most commonly left open when getting dressed at kids swimming lesson times as parents are dressed and might be dressing more than one child so a bit squashed.

AIBU to think that adults without any children should absolutely not be using the so-called 'family changing room'?

A gentleman today (probably in all innocence - although I have tried but can't think of a legitimate reason why) was using the family changing room at a time when it was full of naked little ones paddling to and fro from showers and yet there were hardly any adults there (apart from the mums and dads accompanying little ones for swimming lessons) and the men's changing room simply could not have been full or busy. It wouldn't surprise me if there wasn't a single other person in the men's changing room at that time. It just got me thinking so am very interested in thoughts as intend to raise with council, if I'm not BU.

Why does this bother you so much? Did him being in there prevent you from doing anything? Did he do/say anything to offend you?

I am really surprised at the response you have got, OP.

I think it's a bit odd that a man doesn't use the men's changing rooms.

If there is a specifically male changing room, he should use that.

I would wonder why he was in the family changing room on his own.

I would also be very aware of a man in a child's playground without any children. I wouldn't assume he was a paedophile but I would be very aware he was there.

Sexual abuse is endemic in our society. It is sad but true that a tiny minority do get sexual pleasure from abusing children. Yes, they are more at risk from adults they know but any area where children are naked is high risk for attracting the tiny number of people - predominantly but not exclusively men - who do get sexual pleasure from small children.

Not being unreasonable at all. And I suspect if you mentioned it to the leisure centre staff they would agree with you.

OP wins" backtracker of the week " award AND " it's a paeeeeeedo" award AND " I said A but obviously I meant B award " all in one thread.

That's some accolade.

OP - if you weren't alluding to some nefarious intent why did you say that he was there " probably in all innocence" and that it was full of " naked toddlers" running around?

Surely, if you were asking a genuine question about someone using a resource not meant for them it would have been enough to say " a single person came into the family changing rooms, which was already full"?

Bishybarnybee Get a dictionary and look up 'endemic' and while you're there look up 'sexist' too.

He probably didn't even think about this. My DH is like that - he's used to communal changing rooms and doesn't like small cubicles. Wouldn't really occur to him that someone else wouldn't want him there.

YANBU but there could be extenuating circumstances you don't know about.

A gentleman today (probably in all innocence - although I have tried but can't think of a legitimate reason why) was using the family changing room at a time when it was full of naked little ones paddling to and fro from showers and yet there were hardly any adults there (apart from the mums and dads accompanying little ones for swimming lessons) and the men's changing room simply could not have been full or busy.

If your issue is only that he was a man on his own, i.e not a family, then why did you feel the need to mention several times that there were naked children there?

Just throwing this out there:

According to DH, before our local pool got refurbished (and changed to all communal changing) the men's changing room didn't have any cubicles. Could this be the case at your local pool? Maybe this man has body issues and doesn't want other people to see him getting changed.

To be honest though it's these attitudes that makes people so scared of other adults, particularly men. Not saying this is you OP as you insist it isn't, but at DS's swimming lesson the other week I over heard this gem of a phrase: "Well I really don't like these new changing rooms and am going to complain. I mean I used to just drop my girls off and let them get changed on their own, but I can't any more as there will be men in there!"
Was all I could do not to turn round and give her an earful for being so pathetic and bringing up her daughters to be scared of males. I mean... it's all separate cubicles, and as if a man, even if he was that way inclined, would make a move somewhere so busy! (Literally packed with people) - I see the mum with her kids and she's literally eyeing up every man suspiciously, especially around the shower cubicles!!

I get that many women are uncomfortable around men, many for good reason because of past experience, but the proportion of good men is so much higher. Open communal changing rooms I could more understand that woman's attitude, but not cubicles!

there are more showers outside the men's and women's changing than in the family area

Yes, but you said they're visible to anyone walking past, so you have to shower in costumes. What if I needed to shower properly and get changed to go out?

I'm glad my local pool doesn't have this set up: 10-12 cubicles in the family area, but only 2 in each of the men's and women's areas. I'd hate to have to choose between going in a family area full of children (if I'd gone for a quiet swim on my own) and having to change publicly, because the only 2 cubicles were being used.

We have one big changing room, all cubicles (some larger for families) and no-communal changing area - so no chance of anybody seeing me naked or of me having to see other people naked.

Maybe this man just likes his privacy.

Restlesstraveller fair point on endemic, thanks for the educational tip. Though as my Catholic upbringing included experience of an abusive Catholic primary teacher and the shock of finding out in later years that two of our catholic priests, over different periods of time, were convicted of child abuse, maybe I did experience it as endemic in my local community?

Sexist - I don't think so. I have nothing against men and do not assume that every man is a potential paedophile. But the majority of paedophiles are men. I do not believe there are vast networks of women filming children and encouraging each other in child abuse which the authorities have somehow failed to come across. There are multiple examples of groups of men doing those things.

And any situation where children are undressing needs to have reasonable precautions in place. It does not seem paranoid to ask why a single man needs to be in the family changing room. Without accusing him of paedophilia, he does not need to be there and so it would be good practice for him not to be there.

If you want a female only space use the female changing room.

I'm not sure whether it was (unintentionally) in my drafting of thread or some are looking to misinterpret
It's Mumsnet, so there are many people here who love to nit-pick and create an argument. Judging by many threads on here some could cause an argument in an empty room!

AIBU to think that adults without any children should absolutely not be using the so-called 'family changing room'?
YANBU. If there are single sex facilities available then people who are not accompanying children should use those, unless they need to be there because they have a carer. This frees up space in the family area for those who most need it.

God I wish my pool had a unisex / family changing area - it would be so much easier if DP could help me with the baby.

I suppose it might be seen as nit-picking if it doesn't effect you.

Why do I imagine you complaining in a really nasal voice OP?

Family room means adult(s) with young children who need assistance or supervision.
I isn't intended for lone adults.
YANBU OP.

"Sexual abuse is endemic in our society"

No it's not. And over 90% of it is done by a family member. I've yet to see a reference of a man doing it to a child in a communal changing area in full view of said child's mother. Funny that.

The changing room might have been called "communal" like ours is. How would that fit in with your made up rule Urubu?

Genuine question here. I haven't used a public pool for decades so am unfamiliar with 'family changing rooms'. How do these work? Is it a communal area where completely unrelated mums and dads get changed in front of each other?

No it is cubicles, usually a bit bigger to accommodate more than 1 person.

OP Your AIBU was whether adults without children should "absolutely not" be using the family changing rooms. Which is pretty emphatic against lone adults. But you haven't provided any reason for wanting the term "family" to be so strictly enforced. So lacking reason, you would appear to be unreasonable.

Why do you think it should be stuck to? What harm do you think comes from there being, effectively, male, female and mixed changing rooms?

He probably just wanted or needed more space to get changed.

He might not have known. I went to my gym and pool for a while year, changing in the family area because no one ever showed me to the ladies and so I assumed there wasn't one. Turns out it was hidden down a side hall with no signs. I still use the family one as it seems to be cleaned more often.

Your problem here is that you posted in AIBU.

On the point of the post.. yes, family changing rooms should be for families as there's hardly any room in normal cubicles to get kids dressed etc. Maybe he didn't notice, maybe he didn't care, who knows! It does get my goat a bit when I have to get me and my toddler dressed / undressed in a tiny box whilst a lone person is using the family space.