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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be irrationally upset with DH

84 replies

EmmaBridgewatermug · 16/06/2017 09:48

For xmas DH bought tickets to see a band in London, also booked a one night hotel stay in a place we've stayed before so I know its nice. I was extremely happy and grateful and have been looking forward to it for ages.
Now, DH has a habit of being a bit incompetent with arranging things but he reckons I'm too controlling so Ive sat back and not even looked at the arrangements as I know the place he's booked is good.
So, I ask if hes printed out the hotel booking ready for our travel next weekend and he hasn't so I said send it to my phone so I can print it out in work.
I look at the booking and hes only gone and booked a bloody twin room!!! I'm fucking tamping!!
We've got two teens at home and paper thin bedroom walls so any privacy and sex is very infrequent as it is. (I must add we arent loud but always on pins as the kids are always wandering around on the landing at all hours and they never go anywhere either to give us time alone).
I was so looking forward to this trip, I also find out hes booked just room only so no nice breakfast to look forward to either.
Im in work and ive actually gone to the loo and cried in disappointment which seems ridiculous, ive text DH raging and he is sorry but I'm fucked off with his sheer incompetence to do anything properly.
Is this an overreaction as at the moment I feel like telling him not to bother to go at all.

OP posts:

tiptopteepe · 16/06/2017 10:37

and for the pp who said we are excusing men..... im actually the disorganised one in my marriage lol ive done things like booked hotel rooms for the wrong month (and on that occassion we couldnt get a refund so actually had to change our flights and go on the month id accidently booked which was horrendous because it was midwinter instead of summer) My husband was thankfully very forgiving and just made the best of it.

Wanttobehonest · 16/06/2017 10:48

Totally OTT. I have a friend like this and she makes me on edge about things which should be enjoyable. It's like looking for a reason to be annoyed or not enjoy something. I don't book any activities with her as it will always be at just the wrong time for some minor reason, or seats would have been better somewhere else - then I have to justify why I picked those seats - explaining what pros and cons I had considered. But whatever it is it is wrong, so now she books anything and I go along with it.

OK so booking a twin room is a mistake, just text him and say you noticed it is wrong and can he ring them. If it can't be changed you still can have sex and are staying somewhere nice. Go out for breakfast.

timeisnotaline · 16/06/2017 10:50

It would totally annoy me. I would ask your dh to fix it - make breakfast special . I don't care how , but if you haven't made an effort then I won't be impressed! (My dh is booking all holidays this year as I am fed up of doing all the bloody work. I lost it after a us trip last year where I asked him to plan New York. He emailed me a link to website of 10 top things to do in New York, saving me possibly ten seconds on google. And other things ... the straw that broke the camels back is a very valid reason!! )

Original poster

EmmaBridgewatermug · 16/06/2017 10:52

I'm not usually rattled by things like this at all, I'm easy going and up until now hugely grateful and excited about going. Its just the bloody straw that has broken the camels back, I'll have to end up sorting it out again. This is on top of sorting the kids before we go with family who are looking after them (making sure they have everything to go), booking the dog in the sitters, all he had to do was sort the hotel.

OP posts:

Phoebefromfriends · 16/06/2017 10:57

OP I don't think you are easy going more passive in your marriage, why don't you ask you DP to sort it out or get him to take some responsibility for the kids. Often people who are passive let things slide and then blow up when a seemingly insignificant event that breaks the camels back. Try talking to your DP about your frustrations as this upset seems to be a symptom of something bigger.

livefornaps · 16/06/2017 10:58

I'm still hearin' ya over here, don't worry. So actually he didn't really sort the whole weekend did he -"here's your lovely present! Now arrange the kids & dog around it"....good grief.

MyPatronusIsAUnicorn · 16/06/2017 11:02

YANBU. It's obvious this is the final straw. Why should you have to do all the thinking? I'm confused why he would even book a twin room and not think about breakfast, they usually even ask if you want to add it on. It's exactly the same in our marriage. If it doesn't involved DH going to work or some of the DCs activites (which I sorted otherwise they wouldn't do anything), I have to sort it because he never would. Even when DS's cream needed ordering from the doctors, he would just tell me it needed doing. It involved leaving a voicemail on their prescription line, but nope, would never have thought to actually just order it himself in a million years. He wouldn't shower them unless I said it needed doing, he never brushed DDs hair if he took her out of a weekend and when i pointed out it needed doing, he actually asked why (she has long hair). It's really frustrating to have to be the one to think of everything in a marriage.

Nancy91 · 16/06/2017 11:10

Just have sex on the floor or in the shower or something, I like my space when I'm sleeping so a twin room sounds perfect

Syc4moreTrees · 16/06/2017 11:12

You're obviously forgetting your wild youth of sex in single beds/cars/hammocks/beaches/floors/against the wall etc etc etc

exexpat · 16/06/2017 11:16

I understand the issue with the mental load/final straw thing, but the specific hotel stay issues are fixable.

Get DH to phone them and a) book breakfast, and b) ask if the twin room is the kind where they actually have the option of separate single beds or combining them to make a super-king (most hotels I've stayed in recently seem to have this set-up - gives them more flexibility, but still annoying if you like to sleep cuddling up as you can nearly always feel the line down the middle).

Though to be honest given what you've said about your DH, I'm a bit surprised you are that desperate to cuddle up and have sex with him...

NerrSnerr · 16/06/2017 11:18

How much sorting does it need? One of you can Email, call or books breakfast when you arrive and then push beds together. It's not a huge job.

Anyone else noticed the 'mental load' is the new buzz term at the moment?

GabsAlot · 16/06/2017 11:28

wtf push the beds together an add brkkie on

oh and please dont drive with a hangover

stickygotstuck · 16/06/2017 11:41

I fully understand OP. And yes, it is the mental load all over again, and yes, it IS a big deal.

You needed a break from being Managing Director of your Marriage, your DH's answer seems to be "I'll do a half arsed attempt (she will sort it out later if needed anyway)" or "I don't give a shit about your needs" - which is considerably worse. That's what I hear whenever my DH does not do something properly he is perfectly capable of doing, what with being a fully funcitioning adult and all that. And I make bloody sure to remind him that "I don't give a shit" is exactly what I hear whenever he does not make an effort (again, more mental work for me but I will not let that one go)

Having said that, you can still enjoy your night away. But your DH will have to be the one to sort it out. All the googling for places, all the pushing of beds together and, crucially, all the THINKING about doing all that stuff is his responsibility. My instructions to him would be "Sort this out so it is nice and relaxing for me, so I don't have to do ANY planning at all. That was your job this one time, do it properly please".

Ginkypig · 16/06/2017 11:50

The beds probably can be pushed together.

If they can't then get all the bedding on the floor, or go for a sexy shower/bath together, or use one sex bed have a lovely time them get into your respective beds when it's time to sleep.

As for the breakfast just add it at reception when you check in!

Or don't add it and just turn up then they will add it to your room for check out.

livefornaps · 16/06/2017 11:57

Yes @sticky. And perhaps "mental load" is the new buzzword because it resonates with so many women!

CiderwithBuda · 16/06/2017 12:05

Is there a reason you can't have breakfast at the hotel? We often don't book and just see what we feel like doing. Usually end up having breakfast at the hotel anyway. Just because you haven't booked it doesn't mean you can't have it!

The twin bed thing would have irritated me at one point but not now.

It does seem like a bit of an over reaction though. Camels back or not. It's all sortable.

witsender · 16/06/2017 12:07

Tbh, I get the disappointment. But you have two choices. Get pissed off or make a phone call. Personally I would do the latter. Call the hotel and ask if the beds can be pushed together and add in breakfast. I have never known a hotel say no to breakfast. But if for whatever reason they do, tell him to find and book somewhere for breakfast.

Done.

notknownatthisaddress · 16/06/2017 12:10

YANBVVVVU

I thought you were going to say he has not booked it at ALL!

So what if it's a TWIN room?

Get over yourself.

notknownatthisaddress · 16/06/2017 12:11

I mean YABVVVVU, !!!! (not YANBVVVVU)

You ARE being unreasonable!

Bluntness100 · 16/06/2017 12:17

Based on your op you are clearly over reacting, no reason you can't have brekkie in the hotel,doesn't need to be booked with the room and you can call and ask for a double or push the beds together. To becrying and raging is over the top extreme.

However you are now saying there is a huge back story and you're mad at him due to his lack of involvement in doing other things. So maybe that should have been what the thread was about. Sounds like your marriage is in trouble if its this bad that something minorly annoying like this can cause such an extreme reaction. I'd focus on that.

DirtyChaiLatte · 16/06/2017 12:23

YANBU

Why do people refuse to understand that how you feel and view people doesn't work on an incident by incident basis. What someone did in similar situations in the past is relevant to how you feel about them now.

The OP clearly states that her DH has form for this behavior, so I think her frustration is completely understandable. He can't be bothered to put in the right effort to do something right repeatedly.

PickAChew · 16/06/2017 12:26

Have a Shag in his bed, then a lovely nights sleep in your own.

BangkokBlues · 16/06/2017 12:29

If they can't switch to a double have sex on his bed, leave the wet patch there and then get back into your nice clean, dry bed to go to sleep!

^This :-)

MissionItsPossible · 16/06/2017 12:35

YABU but you seem to recognise it in yourself, which is good. Just saying though, OP, that if I had arranged something for a partner and they reacted in the same way that you did, I'd think very long and hard about booking something like that or doing any sort of surprise again.

user1457178042 · 16/06/2017 12:38

In the following order: pull yourself together, pull the beds together, order breakfast when you check in.

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