So my dad is buying my brother a five bedroom house outside, AIBU to think wtf?!

[huuuulahoops]

Just that basically...

I do agree it is a burden and I wouldn't choose it for myself but was just a bit taken aback. We live in an expensive part of the country in a two-bed flat and we can't afford to start a family.

You should both get the same. The fact your brother will own the house and annex does not make it any fairer even if he has to tolerate looking after the father from age 60 to 100.

I am making sure all my children have exactly the same amount towards housing, no differences, no exceptions, no matter what they earn, even if they win 100m on the lottery or earn 10x what another of them earns, they will all get the same.

So have you talked to him about his reasoning?

It is v unfair.
And DB might move DF to a home rather than care for him in his old age - no one knows how it will pan out.
But the situation could change. DF imv is still young - who's to say he won't meet a new partner and want to move out. Can you have a conversation with DF about what happens if the situation changes, eg he finds partner, or DB moves abroad or any one of a dozen possibilities.
He should take care before giving away so much to DB.

If you don't want the "burden" of an elderly parent who is offering a 5 bedroom house in return for care in his old age then you have to supply your own house. You need to accept that fact.
As much as the Dad could need a lot of care well into his 90s or he could sleep away at 70 to 75 without any illness at all.
It is the chance that the brother is willing to take, whereas you are not will to maybe have to care for parent in old age.

60 is not old!!!!!!!!!!!!!1

I've just got an update from my sister in law, apparently there is no expectation of care in return for the house, he just thought they needed the room to, and I quote, "let their family grow"

It's not the money I'm upset about, it's the space.

Don't let it fester. Speak now before it's too late. It does seem unfair if you also need more space. Speak to your dad very calmly and ask if there is any way of helping you both.

DH & BIL spoke up when MIL bought their sibling a flat outright to the tune of £200K. It changed nothing, they received nothing. Family relations very much fractured and strained as a result.

On the face of it, that seems really unfair. Adult siblings shouldn't expect exactly equal treatment, but that is a truly MASSIVE gift.

Does your father know that you are also struggling?

My sister has much more off my parents than I have. We were equal in school, but not as adults. I suppose a whole house would piss me off, but it wouldn't surprise me...
No favouritism either, we both get on great with our parents. It's just a money thing. She asks, I don't. So the dynamic is such that they just automatically give to her...

He's buying a home for himself; and to ensure he has companionship and in the future care he might need, he's housing the person how is willing to fill this requirement.

You don't want to be his carer in the future so why on earth would be buy you a house based on that?

I'm presuming he's buying within his means?

I don't think 60 is old enough to be thinking about what to do about old age. 60 year old people do some really great things. I know there is some time limit on inheritance stuff so perhaps it is that more than care that the father is thinking of.
Who would be choosing the house? Would father choose an area or brother? Then there is style of house. After a house is purchased who would chose the décor. Perhaps SIL has not yet been told by her husband or the father that care would be taken as read.
The could go pear shaped

Agree with RoseVase: this situation brings responsibilities/burdens for your brother.

Sorry to take it there but, eventually, when your father dies would the house have to be sold so that you could receive your inheritance? Or would it all go to your brother?

Tizzy, the idea was never floated with me so I can't say what I would have said, perhaps I'm only saying I wouldn't want to as a defensive mechanism, I don't really know.

It's not a case of me not caring about my dad, we are very close (I thought!) brother doesn't work so I suppose he might think him better company.

Lonely, as I understand it my brother will be the owner of the property.

Very difficult OP

Different situation, but I felt abit upset a couple of years ago when I heard that my Dad and brother were buying a flat to rent out. Made me feel abit uncomfortable that Dad had funded something that meant my brother ( and himself) would make money. Made me feel uneasy ( and mean hearted!) but I've had to let it go.

I would have a major meltdown about this. He's 60! He could meet someone and spend a good 25 years living independently
He could even have more children.
60 is no age.
I would sit him down and explain that this could seriously damage the family in the long term.
I don't think i could have much of a relationship with someone who did that.
And for all the people that say "it's his money, he can do what he wants"
He is basically dividing the family and if it doesn't get sorted it will he devided FORVER

My brother is 26 by the way, just to get a better picture.

WOW.

Say to your dad that you're hurt because you can't afford to start a family and he just hands your brother a 5 bed house! If you already have said this, what did he say - clearly doesn't care??

Wow. Well have you spoken to your dad?

Please speak to your dad and get his side

Fucks sake - that's disgusting OP.

No I haven't spoken to my dad, feels petty but and money-grabbing. Dbro had lived with him (rent-free) up until 2 years ago when they got their own place. I was fine with that but this... They have two children too.