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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Shared custody. AIBU to not let ex claim child benefits

95 replies

Briannaa · 13/06/2017 22:28

So my ex and I have decided to have shared custody of our Son. He will have him one week and me the other.

Neither of us will pay maintenance.

My income is too high for me to be eligible to get any tax credits.

He earns £16,000 and would be eligible for quite a bit of money.

AIBU to not let him claim benefits for our son? Can I stop him?

Only one of us can get them and I do not want him to be seen as the 'main carer' in the eyes of the law.

He says he's going to claim anyway as he will be very poor without claiming them.

I currently get them as I was on a lower income last year. The next year I will be ineligible.

OP posts:

Italiangreyhound · 13/06/2017 23:28

19lottie82 "Be aware that if your ex decides to fight you for 50/50 (or more) then you won't be given any priority, simply for being the mother..... and if he is only on 16k, I'm pretty sure he will be entitled to legal aid."

Presumably, the parent who is successfully parenting the child would be viewed as the best option to continue doing that. It does not sound like the dad is currently doing that.

It's not about being a mum or a dad it is about who can care for the child.

needsahalo · 13/06/2017 23:34

and if he is only on 16k, I'm pretty sure he will be entitled to legal aid

You know nothing at all about how legal aid works nowadays, do you? It was withdrawn from family law several years ago. It is only obtainable in domestic violence situations.

PlaymobilPirate · 13/06/2017 23:35

Your attitude is spiteful and you're using your child as a pawn. Awful behaviour from a parent- you're supposed to want the best for your child, not what hits the pocket of the ex the most.

JayneAusten · 13/06/2017 23:41

Poor child.

19lottie82 · 13/06/2017 23:47

halo, yes you're right, my mistake.

SpareASquare · 13/06/2017 23:48

Presumably, the parent who is successfully parenting the child would be viewed as the best option to continue doing that. It does not sound like the dad is currently doing that

It's not about being a mum or a dad it is about who can care for the child

The OP has another thread going where she's wanting to send her child to live with her parents Mon-Fri and then seeing him on weekends. So, no, it really isn't about what is best for the child.

Starlight2345 · 13/06/2017 23:50

Sadly how your post jumps from

You have decided 50/50 care together
You won't let him be RP
You decided to make him 50/50.
He doesn't care about DC

I have no idea what is actually going on however I do feel for the child in this. If EX really doesn't care you want to send her to his house for a week at a time?

SheRaaarghPrincessOfPower · 14/06/2017 00:01

This is such a pile of shit. Either you trust your child's father to have him 50%, which is why you suggested it, or you don't.

Stop with the shitty threads and work out yourself what's best for your son. Sounds like living with his Grandparents might be a good thing for him tbh

ArchieStar · 14/06/2017 00:04

Stop using your child as a pawn for money for fucks sake and come up with an adult agreement over what suits him best.

Italiangreyhound · 14/06/2017 00:09

Spare "The OP has another thread going where she's wanting to send her child to live with her parents Mon-Fri and then seeing him on weekends. So, no, it really isn't about what is best for the child."

I know. It's not for me to decide what is best for the child or who the child lives with. But I would hope that the law does not look at who is mum and who is dad, but who can consistently parent a child.

In some places it is much more common for children to be cared for by grandparents quite a lot of the time. I would say that that is not ideal, ideal would be mum or dad, plus childcare as necessary, which may or may not be grandparents.

Luckily, I don't need to make a call here. But it does sound like the OP was hoping 50/50 care would make the dad step up, which I think is the wrong way round, IMHO. I hope that makes sense.

Italiangreyhound · 14/06/2017 00:11

I agree with SheRaaarghPrincessOfPower "... work out yourself what's best for your son."

Italiangreyhound · 14/06/2017 00:14

"Luckily, I don't need to make a call here." I mean the OP does but as I said before I hope the law looks at more than who is mum and who is dad. It should always be what is best for the child. Which, yes, might be grandparents, but only if mum and dad are not able to be there for the child.

SteamTrainsRealAleandOpenFires · 14/06/2017 00:25

I'm the mother so I'm the only one eligible to Claim them anyway I think.

[open sarcasm mode] Hhahahahahahahha!!!!!! [/close sarcasm mode]

AcrossthePond55 · 14/06/2017 00:46

So, Dad's 'rubbish' and you're wanting to ship your DC off to your parents during the week? Poor little mite.

PersianCatLady · 14/06/2017 15:59

If he claims them he will become the resident parent by law
So don't do it.

HaudYerWheeshtBawbag · 14/06/2017 16:06

Haven't you got another post saying you want to give your child to your parents? During the week.

But now your saying you have the child 50/50... so really what your saying is you will see the child 4 days a month and get you don't want your partner to be seen as the resident parent even tho he will have them triple the anount you do

Poor child

Mulberry72 · 14/06/2017 16:22

Ninabean17 · 14/06/2017 17:30

YABVU. The father is more than eligible to claim for them if he has equal access to your child. It's not a competition. The money is for the child, not you, so it shouldn't matter who's account it goes into!

AlletrixLeStrange · 14/06/2017 18:14

I feel so sorry for your son.
First you want to pack him off to his grandparents, then you want him to live with his dad 50% of the time but don't want his dad to get a little financial support.
And as soon as it's pointed out to you that you're being unreasonable, you suddenly drop in that you don't want him to have him 50% of the time? Because we can't all see that that's because it would stop him from being eligible to claim any benefits

Take a step back and think about what is right for your son.

absolutelynot · 14/06/2017 18:30

i'm sure of he earns 16,000 (am sure that equates to minimum wage and a standard start off point in tiered earnings, if that is what he has?), he will be eligible to apply for support with rent/ council tax if applicable, also working tax credits. Dependent upon where you are, am sure it would hardly be seen as "poverty", nor feel like it. I'm sure those living off food banks would love an income of 16k.

As far as equal time is concerned, great in theory, difficult in practice. One of you HAS to be main parent, one of you is entitled to CB, child tax credits etc etc. If you have decided that he lives with you equally but you remain main parent, he can not apply for them anyway. If you earn too much to qualify for them, nobody gets them.

As much as emphasis is place don keeping families together when splitting, once the split has happened, emphasis is placed upon making a clear legal division of roles.

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