Shared custody. AIBU to not let ex claim child benefits

[Briannaa]

So my ex and I have decided to have shared custody of our Son. He will have him one week and me the other.

Neither of us will pay maintenance.

My income is too high for me to be eligible to get any tax credits.

He earns £16,000 and would be eligible for quite a bit of money.

AIBU to not let him claim benefits for our son? Can I stop him?

Only one of us can get them and I do not want him to be seen as the 'main carer' in the eyes of the law.

He says he's going to claim anyway as he will be very poor without claiming them.

I currently get them as I was on a lower income last year. The next year I will be ineligible.

Agree with Nacho.
I think I understand your concern, but that suggestion addresses it, so after that YABU.

If you're that worried then you will have to change the 50:50 arrangement so that your child is with you more of the time and you are the resident parent.

YABVU and sound very bitter! Why wouldn't you want your son to have a better quality of life?!

Wow. Yabvu. You can't stop him claiming.

Your son has to have a resident parent even if you share custody 50/50.

When you register him for school, the doctors or anything like that you can't give 2 addresses.

I think you're being pretty selfish if you expect your ex to provide a home for your son on 16k! That isn't even enough to rent a home in most areas of the country.

PS how would you fee if the situation was reversed and you were in his shoes?

This is the kind of behaviour or attitude that gives Ex's bad names. WHY on earth would you want your child's living standard to be reduced when he's not with you? Not to mention the fact that it's ok for your to earn more than your ex but you will deprive somebody of financial help they are legally entitled to in order to suit your own agenda..

The mind boggles.

Benefits for children aren't based on parents genitals. Just because you are mum doesn't give you any more rights than the dad. You both have the same responsibilities and if that means as the lower income household he can claim relevant benefits then so be it.
He didn't have to discuss this with you. He is more than able to claim.

I really cannot understand why you would object. The boy extra cash will slightly increase your child's quality of life. That is what you should be considering, the best interests of the child.

So when you think joint custody. You think that you should have a bit more say in this joint custody? Even though it's 50/50

YABU

YABVVVU. He has every right to claim them and should go ahead and do so.

You can't "not allow" him; he's a fully grown adult that can do what he likes within the law.

YABU. Can you imagine how you would feel if the roles were reversed and he was saying the same thing?!!!

It sounds like you want everything your own way: an equal split in parenting, so you get free time to yourself and share the responsibility and the work involved in raising your child.; you don't want any maintenance agreement because that would disadvantage you as the higher earner. But on top of that you want to prevent your ex getting the credits he is entitled to, just so you can retain control. This really isn't very fair or kind OP, and if you were a guy you'd get absolutely flamed on here.

You do have the option of offering to pay him maintenance so that he can afford not to claim benefits.

Do you have a Court Order in place vis the 50/50 thing?

Reverse?

Gosh

YABU and spiteful. If it was the other way around you'd claim it. He is on a lower income than you and could do with it. You can't stop him from putting a claim in but it already looks like you're going to contest it.

The few people stealing money from me (i./e. taking money from hard working tax payers) the better so yes don't let him claim it, never mind the implications for child residence. Don't make it quite 50/50, keep the child a bit more with you and suggest your ex work harder and get a better paid job rather than living off tax payer money. The state coffers are nearly bear and we have to change this mind set that people live off the state like this. It's got to end.

So its ok for you to claim it and you being considered the primary parent, but not him?

Why is that? You havent actually explained why you "wont let that happen".

The few people stealing money from me (i./e. taking money from hard working tax payers) the better so yes don't let him claim it, never mind the implications for child residence. Don't make it quite 50/50, keep the child a bit more with you and suggest your ex work harder and get a better paid job rather than living off tax payer money. The state coffers are nearly bear and we have to change this mind set that people live off the state like this. It's got to end.

Oh do fuck off.

Mary He works. Lots of parents work damn hard and claim child benefit/tax credits and pay tax just like you do. It's all well and good saying work a bit harder to increase his earnings, but it's easier said than done!

Thanks everyone.

I don't think 50/50 care would work for us anyway.

Thanks for the replies. It was just a thought but I want to make sure I'm the resident parent so shall be continuing with the current arrangement.

Oh and learn basic grammar and syntax.