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AIBU?

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Original poster

Sleepover issue - am I being precious?

77 replies

Itsallaswizz · 13/06/2017 22:10

It was my dd (8) first sleepover recently. I have found out that the mum let her friend take my dd and her friend to the cinema, the mum didn't go. The df is known to my dd's friend and he took his two kids too so one adult 4 kids. The film they saw was rated 12. He then drove my dd and her friend back to friends house for sleepover. Dd says she thought it was 'weird' but not particularly bothered. I guess this is part and parcel of leaving them in the care of others, you have to trust them to do what they think is right for your child. I feel a bit uncomfortable though, I think she's too young to be left with strangers (well, a stranger to her) and this is giving her mixed messages about how to keep herself safe. Am I being silly?

OP posts:
C0untDucku1a · 13/06/2017 22:13

Totally inappropriate. I wouldn't be sending them there again.

Waltermittythesequel · 13/06/2017 22:13

I have had loads of kids here for sleepovers over the years and I would never pack them off with someone else, and without their parents knowing to boot!

How odd!

Original poster
Itsallaswizz · 13/06/2017 22:22

It's not something I would do either...at least it's not just me!

OP posts:
arethereanyleftatall · 13/06/2017 22:28

The sleepover is fine. But it's not anything to do with that

The cinema is not acceptable.

cariadlet · 13/06/2017 22:33

The cinema trip would have been ok if the mum had checked with you first that it was ok for her friend to take the children and if he had taken them to see a U or PG film.

I don't think that you should ever entrust other people's children to another adult (no matter how well you know and trust them) without the parent's permission and you shouldn't show other people's children films (whether at the cinema or a dvd) that are rated for older children.

buttercup54321 · 13/06/2017 22:39

I would have been furious.

Girliefriendlikesflowers · 13/06/2017 22:41

Nah not being precious, I wouldn't like that either.

SasBel · 13/06/2017 22:43

Unacceptable. What if there had been an accident? Nightmares from the film? I would be really unhappy with that situation.

sticklebrix · 13/06/2017 22:44

I would have been very angry about the 12 film for an 8 year old.

gingeristhenewblack43 · 13/06/2017 22:45

Nope defo not on, if my daughter has a friend sleep over and next door's kids coming knocking they have to play in my garden/house, not the neighbours. If some one trusts me to care for their child then they stay with me/ within the confines of my house and garden.

NotMyPenguin · 13/06/2017 22:46

This parent obviously has a very different idea of appropriate boundaries that you do (and FWIW I'm very much on the same page as you) and I wouldn't be leaving my child in their care again.

Of course you don't want some random stranger taking your child somewhere when you have no idea it's happening! It isn't somebody you know and you haven't given permission -- you assumed your daughter would be safely with the parent who you know.

I'd also be unhappy about the 12-rated film. Some children might be ok with it, others not -- but it's a decision for the parent to make. If it's a U I wouldn't mind; otherwise I'd expect the person to check with me first.

paxillin · 13/06/2017 22:46

No, not precious. Fine to have a friend in the house with a sleepover. Not fine to send friend away with the kids. You made your judgement on the sleepover on the basis of what you know about the parent, not a random.

Sara107 · 13/06/2017 22:49

If invited to a sleepover I would expect a sleepover! If the kids are going out to cinema, bowling, to eat etc I would expect that to be mentioned ( not necessarily a big deal, I just think it's normal to let parents know roughly what the plans are). Cinema, I would expect to be consulted about though, which film etc ( dD is 7 and hasn't yet seen a film that didn't scare her - every PTA movie night has seen her scared out of both U films on offer and spending half the time in the head teachers office!). I would not be in any way happy about my child being sent out in the care of someone I don't know at all. I wouldn't let her go to that house again.'

toffeeboffin · 13/06/2017 22:49

As sas says what if there would have been an accident or something?

Not on.

toffeeboffin · 13/06/2017 22:49

Your DD must have been Hmm

Topsy44 · 13/06/2017 22:51

I wouldn't be happy about that.

Firenight · 13/06/2017 22:52

I would expect to know who they were with. My DC has spent a day with his friends grandparents - I don't know them and wasn't 100% sure what they were up to all day but knew they were on a day out together and, most importantly, that my DC was comfortable with that.

RB68 · 13/06/2017 22:56

Shouldn't have been done without your permission on two counts 1. Stranger friend of Mother and age rating of film. I would have been v upset with her for this and wouldn't let DD go again till a bit older, got own phone etc

paxillin · 13/06/2017 22:57

I tend to tell parents of any planned outing beyond the local park or corner shop. Otherwise I would invite to a "day trip to Brighton followed by sleepover" or "cinema to watch Star Wars followed by sleepover". I would certainly expect the hosting parent(s) to be there at all times.

MrsOverTheRoad · 13/06/2017 23:01

Not ok OP....you're right to be Hmm

Both my DD's have had sleepovers from about 8 but it's worried me too if I'm honest because you never know who might be at the house do you?

The Mum who seems lovely could be a nutter...or she could have an abusive Granddad or boyfriend. My youngest is 9 now and we've recently pulled right back on sleepovers as we just worry too much.

She only sleeps at her cousin's now. My eldest is 12 almost 13 and she goes occassionaly to her best friend's or another girl in her group...we're happy with that as she's older.

Patriciathestripper1 · 13/06/2017 23:01

Bang out of order.
Film not age appropriate and she was farmed out to a stranger. Anything could have happened.
I think 8 is too young for a sleepover anyway.

AcrossthePond55 · 13/06/2017 23:05

She should have run it by you first. I'm sure the person is perfectly nice and capable, but the fact remains that he is a stranger. And a parent should also make the call on what movies they allow their child to see.

I don't think I'd forbid any future overnights. But I would clarify to the mother that if she is thinking of any 'excursions', that you would like her to 'clear' it with you first. There were copious amounts of overnights when our two were growing up and we (and the other parents) always ran plans by each other first. Maybe not a last minute drive through to McDs, but certainly anything that took them out of the house for a long period of time. And I can't think of a single time the children were ever handed over to a third party.

paxillin · 13/06/2017 23:07

We started sleepovers aged 4 or 5, in reception, I don't think 8 is too young. I have always known who was at the house though and they never left without the hosting parent. It would give mixed messages indeed, don't ever go with strangers, except when at your friends' houses, then strangers are fine and dandy.

OwlOfBrown · 13/06/2017 23:07

Definitely not ok.

  • Sleepover fine
  • Cinema with friend not ok unless she checked with you first
  • 12-rated film with under 12's that friend didn't know (your DD) not ok
  • Does your DD legally need a car seat and if so, when she was in his car was there one she could use?
Original poster
Itsallaswizz · 13/06/2017 23:10

I am cross about it. Dd can seem very laid back and wouldn't have said anything at the time but I know she did find it odd. I'm cross she was put in that position, although obviously it was kind of this person to take/pay for her to go. We have had no repercussions from the film thankfully, but that's luck really - I wouldn't have taken her to see it.

OP posts: