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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Three day wedding too much -Aibu?

81 replies

Bloodyweddings · 12/06/2017 14:56

I've namechanged as other posts are too outing.

The backstory: My brother is getting married in a week, midweek, and it's out of town so everyone is having to stay in rented accommodation from the Tuesday. It's not his first 'location' wedding, albeit only a few hours drive from where we stay. My primary school age kids are part of the wedding party so we have to be there. I'm also 38 weeks pregnant and not convinced the baby is going to stay put for long.

Well it turns out the day after the wedding when we're due to go home and need to get our pets from the cattery/kennels by aleatory afternoon, the couple are hosting a second party/celebration in the evening. We're already spending a fortune on this wedding and I'm terrified I'm going to go into labour in the middle of nowhere and now we're expected to stay an extra night (albeit my mum has offered to pay our accommodation). The kids are also having to take two days off school for this but we can't really negotiate a third day as they're still doing course work and school weren't particularly happy about the two days off (we won't get fined but possibly referred to truancy officer for unauthorised absence). We'd have to pay (if there's a space) for the pets to stay another night at their boardings.

Anyway to the problem: my mum has fallen out with us for saying we're not attending the second night's celebration because the kids have to go to school on the Friday and well I'm about to have a baby and am extremely uncomfortable. Apparently I'm being unreasonable and selfish because she's bought the kids outfits to wear for the second party.

I think I know the answer but just want to check, Aibu for not staying another day for the party?

Also wtf is with three day long celebrations of weddings? Why the fuck are people doing this?

OP posts:

FuzzyOwl · 12/06/2017 15:00

Of course YANBU.

MagicMarkers · 12/06/2017 15:00

Ignore her. She's obviously forgotten how uncomfortable the end of a pregnancy is and isn't thinking about you at all. Frankly, you're doing well going to the wedding at all.

Missb00 · 12/06/2017 15:01

YANBU! That's a bit excessive are they celebrities?

Shoxfordian · 12/06/2017 15:01

Yanbu

McTufty · 12/06/2017 15:02

It sounds like a fairly demanding wedding and you've made a big effort already by going to the important part. YANBU.

Creatureofthenight · 12/06/2017 15:02

No of course YANBU. It's a bit much to announce a second party with a weeks notice. And your family should have more empathy with you - I'm 39 weeks so I certainly do! Your mother will just have to take the outfits back.
(I am a bit at primary kids doing coursework though.)

MrsTerryPratchett · 12/06/2017 15:02

Clear cut YANBU. Does she have form for this kind of thing?

Original poster

Bloodyweddings · 12/06/2017 15:03

are they celebrities

My brother is known to think he is. A legend in his own lunchbox type.

OP posts:

IAmNotAUserNumber · 12/06/2017 15:05

YANBU. You are being very reasonable to go in the first place

LagunaBubbles · 12/06/2017 15:08

Of course yanbu. I would be quite upset at your Mum actually.

Original poster

Bloodyweddings · 12/06/2017 15:10

Does she have form for this kind of thing
He's her baby and so everything he does is precious, I'm the weird socially awkward daughter who apparently only cares for herself. Don't get me wrong I'm really happy for him and this 'wife' seems to be more the one than previously but the couple and family can't expect everyone to have the same investment in their day(s) that they have, imo. I wouldn't miss the wedding unless it was an emergency, he is after all my brother!

primary kids doing coursework
Wasn't sure what else to call it, project work is maybe better suited.

OP posts:

PeaFaceMcgee · 12/06/2017 15:22

Yanbu. You are full term - nothing you decide or do is unreasonable

Nquartz · 12/06/2017 15:22

Fuck. That.
I wouldn't want my DC to miss more school for another day of wedding celebrations. Surely the wedding only needs to last 1 day anyway!

KC225 · 12/06/2017 15:23

So it's a second wedding and they lay on a another party with a weeks notice. There is only one person who is NOT being unreasonable here and that is you.

Ignore your mother, she must be nuts to think you are being selfish for wanting to return home with your young children when very pregnant.

TheNaze73 · 12/06/2017 15:24

Sounds way OTT

shouldwestayorshouldwego · 12/06/2017 15:25

Braxton Hicks can feel a lot like the real thing and more likely with subsequent children. I imagine that a day after the wedding you might well get some Braxton Hicks which calm down once you are back home .

Stitchfusion · 12/06/2017 15:28

Weddings are odd affairs. Perfectly reasonable people act like bridezillas, and they dont even have to be the bride to do so. Personally I think 3 days is a bit much, but Asian weddings go on forever and its the expected thing to do to attend all the different functions.
In this case, its not about who is being unreasonable, because clearly, you arent, you have valid reasons for not wanting to attend a third, completely made up party. But thats not what this is about, is it? What can you reasonably do to keep all people as happy as possible within your family, without burning bridges. That is what you have to work out how to do. Good luck.

KoalaDownUnder · 12/06/2017 15:34

Unless there's a cultural reason, I think a 3-day wedding midweek is self-indulgent twattery.

we're expected to stay an extra night - well, they can 'expect' all they want. You'rd turning up for the actual wedding, that's the important bit.

expatinscotland · 12/06/2017 15:36

It's his second wedding and he's having this huge 3-day event? He'd have hated me because being that pregnant, I wouldn't have gone at all. I'd have told my mother were to stick it, too. Yes, I would. But then, my mother would have found all that equally ridiculous.

DoloresTheRunawayTrain · 12/06/2017 15:37

They can expect whatever they like. You are 38 weeks now and will be over 39 weeks by the time of the actual wedding. Is your mother going to ring the delivery suite and berate you for being in labour and ruining their special day? It's quite possible you may give birth during that time. Will they decide you did it deliberately?

OVienna · 12/06/2017 15:38

SO, you'll be going to the wedding at 39 weeks pregnant and they're being awkward with you about not staying an extra night.

Read that back to yourself.

Lemonnaise · 12/06/2017 15:38

YANBU. Your mum is bang out of order for trying to guilt you into this. I would stay one day.

Crunchymum · 12/06/2017 15:39

it's not his first location wedding

What now?

TheMysteriousJackelope · 12/06/2017 15:39

YANBU.

And if your mother thinks you are some kind of selfish freak who does what she wants without caring about anyone else, she's going to think that regardless. You might as well be hung for a sheep as a lamb, get there late the first night and leave during the evening do after wedding so your children only miss one day of school.

OfNoFixedAbode · 12/06/2017 15:40

I think it is BU to organise a long wedding which then costs guests a lot of money to attend. I wouldn't want my friends and family to be inconvenienced because I decide to get married. I have just returned from a 3 day family wedding where I spent two of those helping set up/clear up, then had to fork out for a b&b for the 2 nights which was pre booked for us so no choice over cost. Given your extra inconveniences and short notice I think YADNBU.

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