Three day wedding too much -Aibu?
Bloodyweddings · 12/06/2017 14:56
I've namechanged as other posts are too outing.
The backstory: My brother is getting married in a week, midweek, and it's out of town so everyone is having to stay in rented accommodation from the Tuesday. It's not his first 'location' wedding, albeit only a few hours drive from where we stay. My primary school age kids are part of the wedding party so we have to be there. I'm also 38 weeks pregnant and not convinced the baby is going to stay put for long.
Well it turns out the day after the wedding when we're due to go home and need to get our pets from the cattery/kennels by aleatory afternoon, the couple are hosting a second party/celebration in the evening. We're already spending a fortune on this wedding and I'm terrified I'm going to go into labour in the middle of nowhere and now we're expected to stay an extra night (albeit my mum has offered to pay our accommodation). The kids are also having to take two days off school for this but we can't really negotiate a third day as they're still doing course work and school weren't particularly happy about the two days off (we won't get fined but possibly referred to truancy officer for unauthorised absence). We'd have to pay (if there's a space) for the pets to stay another night at their boardings.
Anyway to the problem: my mum has fallen out with us for saying we're not attending the second night's celebration because the kids have to go to school on the Friday and well I'm about to have a baby and am extremely uncomfortable. Apparently I'm being unreasonable and selfish because she's bought the kids outfits to wear for the second party.
I think I know the answer but just want to check, Aibu for not staying another day for the party?
Also wtf is with three day long celebrations of weddings? Why the fuck are people doing this?
Creatureofthenight · 12/06/2017 15:02
No of course YANBU. It's a bit much to announce a second party with a weeks notice. And your family should have more empathy with you - I'm 39 weeks so I certainly do! Your mother will just have to take the outfits back.
(I am a bit at primary kids doing coursework though.)
Bloodyweddings · 12/06/2017 15:10
Does she have form for this kind of thing
He's her baby and so everything he does is precious, I'm the weird socially awkward daughter who apparently only cares for herself. Don't get me wrong I'm really happy for him and this 'wife' seems to be more the one than previously but the couple and family can't expect everyone to have the same investment in their day(s) that they have, imo. I wouldn't miss the wedding unless it was an emergency, he is after all my brother!
primary kids doing coursework
Wasn't sure what else to call it, project work is maybe better suited.
KC225 · 12/06/2017 15:23
So it's a second wedding and they lay on a another party with a weeks notice. There is only one person who is NOT being unreasonable here and that is you.
Ignore your mother, she must be nuts to think you are being selfish for wanting to return home with your young children when very pregnant.
Stitchfusion · 12/06/2017 15:28
Weddings are odd affairs. Perfectly reasonable people act like bridezillas, and they dont even have to be the bride to do so. Personally I think 3 days is a bit much, but Asian weddings go on forever and its the expected thing to do to attend all the different functions.
In this case, its not about who is being unreasonable, because clearly, you arent, you have valid reasons for not wanting to attend a third, completely made up party. But thats not what this is about, is it? What can you reasonably do to keep all people as happy as possible within your family, without burning bridges. That is what you have to work out how to do. Good luck.
expatinscotland · 12/06/2017 15:36
It's his second wedding and he's having this huge 3-day event? He'd have hated me because being that pregnant, I wouldn't have gone at all. I'd have told my mother were to stick it, too. Yes, I would. But then, my mother would have found all that equally ridiculous.
DoloresTheRunawayTrain · 12/06/2017 15:37
They can expect whatever they like. You are 38 weeks now and will be over 39 weeks by the time of the actual wedding. Is your mother going to ring the delivery suite and berate you for being in labour and ruining their special day? It's quite possible you may give birth during that time. Will they decide you did it deliberately?
TheMysteriousJackelope · 12/06/2017 15:39
And if your mother thinks you are some kind of selfish freak who does what she wants without caring about anyone else, she's going to think that regardless. You might as well be hung for a sheep as a lamb, get there late the first night and leave during the evening do after wedding so your children only miss one day of school.
OfNoFixedAbode · 12/06/2017 15:40
I think it is BU to organise a long wedding which then costs guests a lot of money to attend. I wouldn't want my friends and family to be inconvenienced because I decide to get married. I have just returned from a 3 day family wedding where I spent two of those helping set up/clear up, then had to fork out for a b&b for the 2 nights which was pre booked for us so no choice over cost. Given your extra inconveniences and short notice I think YADNBU.
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