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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Three day wedding too much -Aibu?

81 replies

Bloodyweddings · 12/06/2017 14:56

I've namechanged as other posts are too outing.

The backstory: My brother is getting married in a week, midweek, and it's out of town so everyone is having to stay in rented accommodation from the Tuesday. It's not his first 'location' wedding, albeit only a few hours drive from where we stay. My primary school age kids are part of the wedding party so we have to be there. I'm also 38 weeks pregnant and not convinced the baby is going to stay put for long.

Well it turns out the day after the wedding when we're due to go home and need to get our pets from the cattery/kennels by aleatory afternoon, the couple are hosting a second party/celebration in the evening. We're already spending a fortune on this wedding and I'm terrified I'm going to go into labour in the middle of nowhere and now we're expected to stay an extra night (albeit my mum has offered to pay our accommodation). The kids are also having to take two days off school for this but we can't really negotiate a third day as they're still doing course work and school weren't particularly happy about the two days off (we won't get fined but possibly referred to truancy officer for unauthorised absence). We'd have to pay (if there's a space) for the pets to stay another night at their boardings.

Anyway to the problem: my mum has fallen out with us for saying we're not attending the second night's celebration because the kids have to go to school on the Friday and well I'm about to have a baby and am extremely uncomfortable. Apparently I'm being unreasonable and selfish because she's bought the kids outfits to wear for the second party.

I think I know the answer but just want to check, Aibu for not staying another day for the party?

Also wtf is with three day long celebrations of weddings? Why the fuck are people doing this?

OP posts:
Mummyoflittledragon · 12/06/2017 16:27

You'd be perfectly within your rights not to go to the wedding full stop as you're full term. Sod your mother and do what is right for you. A 3 day wedding is ridiculous unless it's a cultural thing. Dh (French) and I honoured the French style wedding by inviting those, who had travelled from France and a few others the next day for lunch. But why oh why would you want your wedding to last any longer than that?!

Newjob12345 · 12/06/2017 16:28

You are in your last trimester, you are reasonable no matter what you say!

Seriously though, of course you don't want to stop another night. Stick to what you've said any banish any feelings of guilt v

ohfourfoxache · 12/06/2017 16:30

Yanbu at all

In fact I'd really struggle even to do a 1 day celebration at 36 weeks

SirVixofVixHall · 12/06/2017 16:32

I agree with Koala's post on p1.

DireStraights · 12/06/2017 16:38

Your mum is BU. Tell her she is.

MackerelOfFact · 12/06/2017 16:40

It's not unreasonable for the bride and groom to arrange a relaxed gathering of some sort the following day if lots of family and friends are still nearby, that seems pretty common. It's usually just because people have paid for accommodation the night before and might want to meet up one final time before they all head home.

It is very unreasonable to expect that you attend, let alone at at 39 weeks pregnant and with DCs who are having to take an additional day off school!

AnathemaPulsifer · 12/06/2017 16:43

At 39 weeks pregnant and all stupidly last minute? YANBU in the slightest.

BikeRunSki · 12/06/2017 16:44

YANBU at all!!!

I didn't go to my brother's wedding at all because I was 37 weeks pg and it was 7 hrs away. Even though he's my mum's "baby", every one understood, and my techy nephew set up a webcam for me.

DS came when we would have been away. Thankfully for FiL's pride he'll be able to play cricket for Yorkshire

FetchezLaVache · 12/06/2017 16:46

Of course YANBU!

If your mother declines to drop the matter, you could compromise by promising to attend ALL of his next wedding. Wink

BlackAmericanoNoSugar · 12/06/2017 16:49

I wouldn't go, you're doing the best that you can and your Mum is being pissy about it, so why bother at all. I would just text a few hours after you were supposed to arrive to say that you've gone into labour. Then a day later tell them it was a false alarm.

Seeingadistance · 12/06/2017 16:56

You are not being at all unreasonable.

What's with the whole "location wedding" thing, lasting for days?!

It's so horribly self-centred and self indulgent.

LadySalmakia · 12/06/2017 16:58

That's absurd. I like a long strung out wedding with family to chat to and deconstruct, but that's what you do at lunch the day after, not a whole extra day's accommodation. Just say no, and if anyone argues say it's doctor's advice.

Sittinonthefloor · 12/06/2017 17:02

I don't think you should go at all. One of the things that seems all right when It's in the future, but when the time comes your instincts kick in and shout 'NOOO'. I would either just tell them now or at the last minute say you've got some twinges or something vague but unarguably likely.

Sittinonthefloor · 12/06/2017 17:04

Or ask your midwife if it's a good idea, she'll say no (especially if you ask in the right tone) and you can tell them honestly.

WateryTart · 12/06/2017 17:07

YANBU. Weddings are getting way out of hand.

MrsHathaway · 12/06/2017 17:07

If your mother declines to drop the matter, you could compromise by promising to attend ALL of his next wedding.

Burn!

What they all said. You need to get home and will be doing bloody well to manage one day let alone two or three.

IsabelleSE19 · 12/06/2017 17:17

YANBU. I think your mother is being more unreasonable than the couple in a way as well, as they are obviously a bit carried away on the importance of their occasion, but she should be a bit more understanding than that tbh.

Cautionary tale - I went to a wedding about four hours' drive from home when I was 38 weeks pg, and my waters broke at the hotel in the early hours of the morning of the wedding…

waitforitfdear · 12/06/2017 17:24

I wouldn't be going anywhere that far away and that pregnant. I also wouldn't be taking the kids out of school for longer than one day.

Tell them all you won't b going and if you need an excuse tell them your consultant has warned you not to.

ElleMcElle · 12/06/2017 17:34

YANBU - At All!

In fact, I think you're being incredibly selfless by going at all under these circumstances. I have sis-in-law's wedding 10 hours drive away within a week of my due date, and I'm seriously questioning whether I'll go at all.

astoundedgoat · 12/06/2017 17:36

3 day second wedding? Is he for real? YANBU.

I'd be strongly inclined to cancel everything now before it's too late and have some "contractions" the day you're supposed to be leaving and just stay at home with the West Wing box set and some Waitrose ready meals like any normal person about to give birth.

If your mother declines to drop the matter, you could compromise by promising to attend ALL of his next wedding.

Zing! Love it.

MrsPringles · 12/06/2017 17:37

YANBU.
Your family are mad if they think you should be there for more than just the wedding day.
About to drop a baby and school age kids and you're the unreasonable one? Haaaaaaaa

Stick to your guns

Original poster
Bloodyweddings · 12/06/2017 22:28

Well I ended up at maternity triage and it gave me perfect excuse to say I couldn't be doing an extra day/night and dr agreed. They're not convinced I won't go into labour before then anyway. My brother has been really fantastic but my mum has turned into mother-of-the-groomzilla.

I can't remember who mentioned upthread about attending all his future weddings but I have said that before (not to him).

Thanks all for making me feel less freakish

OP posts:
MrsHathaway · 12/06/2017 22:39

Hope things calm down for you, OP - inside and out!

Teabagtits · 12/06/2017 22:39

Forgot to say love the water bomb idea too!

Teabagtits · 12/06/2017 22:40

Oh my original message didn't post....

I was just saying the fake contractions were the way to go...