To not call an auntie, "Auntie"

[Faraway33]

So my cousin who is late 30s has started referring to my mum by her 1st name rather than calling her Auntie Sarah, she's dropped the Auntie prefix and just called her Sarah.

My mum is furious and thinks it's disrespectful and rude. I personally think it's not a big deal. My mum says she's not interested in my cousin anymore and that she's too big for her boots. I think my mum needs to calm down. My cousin is otherwise kind, respectful and polite. My mum gets a bee in her bonnet with these things as she thinks she should be looked up to rather than on the same level as my cousin. Who is in the right/wrong? I think it's silly to have a family conflict over something so trivial.

Your mum sounds quite frankly unhinged. What the actual fuck?

You mum's being crazy!

We've never used 'auntie' or 'uncle' in my family - just first names.

Your Mum is being ridiculous

Do she usually get riled up over little things or is this new behaviour ?

I think it is rude personally and wouldn't like it. I treat my neices and nephews like they're my own - would be furious if they disrespected me like that when they're older.

Your mum is B a little U

Though, I do think your cousin should have asked your mum if she could call your mum Sarah or Auntie Sarah, and should respect your mums wishes as to still have the Auntie prefix. (I say this as someone who calls all aunts bar 1 Auntie so and so, the one that isn't because she got married to my uncle when I was a teenager so have always known her as just name)

Maybe suggest the 'auntie' makes her sound old and with her being so not old that her name suits her more??
Flattery is the key!!

Thanks. This is not new behaviour. She's the eldest of her siblings and I think she feels she should be at the top of the pecking order, if that makes sense. Like she should be respected by them all. My cousin has done really well for herself career wise and I think my mum holds a grudge because she doesn't want to say that her younger siblings child has made a great success of her life. My cousin had a baby young and still managed to get a degree although didn't get her honours. My mum always says that my cousin should never have had the baby and that it's terrible she didn't get her honours. I find those comments quite frankly disguising. I don't understand where the angst comes from. Maybe jealousy I suspect.

That's crazy- we have the opposite thing in our family- my 40 year old cousin still calls my mum Auntie X as she says it would be too weird to change now.

Also, my old teacher lives next door to my mum. I still call her Mrs Y She's said "call me Marion" but I'm like, "Noooo - I can't call a teacher by her first name"

Your mum needs to catch a grip!

My aunty has always preferred us to call her aunty x but your mams reaction seems waaay ott. Esp if your cousin is genuinely nice and polite etc as you say she is.

Well, I think your DMum will just have to live with it, unfortunately.

But it's a bit off for your cousin to call someone by a name they do not want them to use. Is she always insensitive?

Your Mum is overreacting.

But.

Switching from Auntie X to X is a bit of a statement, not a bad one. It asserts, IMO, equality in adulthood, throwing off the shackles of an adult:child relationship. Your Mum obviously isn't keen!

I am 40 and still use Aunty/Uncle, at least for those where that's always been their name to me. Exceptions include married-in aunties/uncles where I've been 10+ years when the marriage happened. I can't imagine switching to first names only with the former group.

I would start calling my mother by her first name as well if she acted like this.

Wow this is weird!
I call my aunts and uncles by their names, stopped using the title bit when I got to about my teens I think!
Ditto my gran, so instead of "Auntie Jill, Uncle Bob, and Granny Sally", now they're just "Jill, Bob, and Sally".

Omg TheFaerieQueene she'd go apeshit

One of my aunties stopped signing cards from 'auntie x and uncle y' once I was an adult, but I still couldn't bring myself to call them by just their names - years of habit! I know lots of adults who don't use the term 'auntie' and even some who call their parents by their names - what on earth would your mother make if that?!

She could just tell your cousin she prefers being called auntie if she wouldn't mind - then she's being rude if she refuses, but at the moment she's probably just thinking she's outgrown the term and isn't being deliberately disrespectful or offensive.

I see this much the same as calling a married woman Mrs John Smith, because that's what the person writing the envelope thinks is right, not the means of address that the person actually uses.

Your cousin is wrong. She might usually be polite, respectful etc, but on this one she's not.

@Groupie123

you treat your nephews and nieces like your own but you'd be furious if thy called you Groupie rather than Aunty Groupie when they are older?

Riiiiiiiight. Suggest you find out what actually being disrespected entails because otherwise you're setting yourself up for a lifetime of petty grudges.

your mum is overreacting massively

She's seriously going to fall out with an otherwise lovely and polite adult over this? Sounds like your cousin is better off without her

Your mum is weird.
I have a friend whose mil is weirder though. She once ripped up a card, had a tantrum and demanded a replacement because it was just printed 'Happy Christmas' on the front rather than 'Happy Christmas Mum & Dad'.
I don't speak to most of my relatives- if they call me anything it's likely to be 'that c*nt alltouchedout' or 'alltouchedout you bitch' - but the ones I do, I'll generally still call them auntie or uncle because after 30 odd years of doing so, dropping it would feel odd. My dc don't cal my brother and SIL uncle and auntie when they talk to them-although they do when talking about them.

Christ your Mum sounds like a right bitch.... your poor cousin. Fancy being annoyed at her for not getting her 'honours'

I've been telling my grown up nieces and nephews to drop the "auntie" for years but they all still do it!

I personally have always felt uncomfortable myself using the terms aunty and uncle but it was expected of me and still is I think - certainly all my cousins always use it. So I have never encouraged my children to use the terms. I think it might annoy by brother and sil as they always refer to themselves as aunty and uncle to my children, but my children don't use the terms when addressing them. I personally think it is up to the child - I cringe when their children call me aunty but I would never say anything, just like I wouldn't expect them to object to my children not addressing them as aunty and uncle. I don't think the person being addressed should get to decide, it is the person speaking to them surely.

Just my thoughts!

Sounds like she likes being called "auntie" and enjoys it. This is kind of sweet if she could just come out and say that, but sounds like instead she takes offense and gets mad about it. I'm early 30s and if one of my aunts really wanted me to still call them that, I would. It's not that big of a deal. Sounds like your mum is a bit of a control freak/aggressive though.

Jesus fuck. I only ever remember calling my aunties by their names.

I only ever add the auntie if I'm talking about her to someone and there's someone else with the same name. That's just to stop the confusion.