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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Wwyd: M.i.l wanting to buy her own wardrobe of clothes for My children.

78 replies

bellarosa81 · 12/06/2017 09:15

Ok this is not a rant about the M.i.l more a general wondering about how others would react.

I have a New baby and Two other children . Their paternal grandparents live here half the year And the rest abroad so i appreciate them spending Time with the children.

It started with the M.i.l buying a few bits here and there which i consider gifts however last week she randomnly bought a New coat for My middle Child - he has 3 at home!
The eldest is 9 and so can actually be asked and can have a conversation with M.i.l , Also she has very particular tastes and would tell her if she wouldnt wear something .

Another day she commented on how my son's trousers look like pyjamas and was he really going to wear them - he is 2 and very sensitive to texture so these were very soft. I Said "What's the problem with them?" And she went quiet.

So this weekend after changing Said child's clothes into an outfit she'd bought , and received lots of nice comments on, announced in front of several other relatives :
"I'm going to buy My own wardrobe of children's clothes for them "
I asked why and she Said "because i want to " !?!

Is this strange ?
How would you react ?

They have plenty of clothes and really do not need anything extra Anyway.

OP posts:
TheClaws · 12/06/2017 09:21

It wouldn't bother me. Do the children stay at PILs? It can be handy to have spare clothes over there if needed. They may not be exactly to your taste but no one you know would be seeing them, really. It isn't something to make an issue about, IMO.

MatildaTheCat · 12/06/2017 09:25

It's very strange but not quite as Odd as your Random use of caPital letters.

Roomster101 · 12/06/2017 09:25

She is perhaps criticising your taste which isn't very nice but it's not worth getting worked up over. Possibly she just wants an excuse to shop though and if she wants to waste her money it's up to her.

Original poster
bellarosa81 · 12/06/2017 09:26

Thanks - i'm thinking the same thing about not making it an issue.
Something about it annoys me though. We get on well though apart from a few passive aggressive/strange comments sometimes .

Yes they do stay at their house occasionally so you are right.

OP posts:
pipsqueak25 · 12/06/2017 09:27

thank her but remind her they have lots of clothes already then let her waste spend her money if she wants to, you dress your dc how you want to, the rest can be used, given away or sold on ebay.
over used expression but...your dc, your rules.

Original poster
bellarosa81 · 12/06/2017 09:28

Yes roomster she is a shopaholic! although recently has Said they dont have so Much money.

It feels a bit awkward.

OP posts:
MycatsaPirate · 12/06/2017 09:28

Seems like a waste of money really.

Will she buy stuff the dc will wear or will she just buy things she thinks are suitable?

I have a DD who won't wear certain textures and is very sensitive to clothing so she has to come shopping when I buy anything for her so she can touch it inside and out before agreeing.

But let her crack on. When she has spent a small fortune on stuff the dc won't wear or don't fit or whatever then she will learn.

Hoppinggreen · 12/06/2017 09:29

She can buy what she wants but you don't have to let the children wear them
If they are staying with her I suppose she could dress them " her" way but either you would be there to stop her or you wouldn't be in which case why do you care what they wear?

elevenclips · 12/06/2017 09:30

Wasteful and stupid imo. Buy an outfit or a few bits - yes normal grandparents do this. The only granny I know who buys entire wardrobes for her grandchildren does so because the parents are under extreme financial strain. So she gets them coats, shoes etc when outgrown.

My kids had a chest of drawers with their clothes in when they were 0-9yo. That's it. If another "wardrobe" full had been bought, I'd have had nowhere to put them.

pipsqueak25 · 12/06/2017 09:30

sounds like she's going to get her self into debt if she likes shopping so much and doesn't have much money.

rightwhine · 12/06/2017 09:32

Make it clear they will only wear them when she is around (if they want to ) and you'll dress them your way the rest of the time. Then let her crack on.

Camomila · 12/06/2017 09:35

If she likes going shopping for her DGC would she be amenable to being told what they need?

My mum and mil both like buying bits for DS but they both ask what he needs so I say things like 'he could do with more shorts for the summer' and they both keep the receipts which is handy if something doesn't fit or I just don't like it

pipsqueak25 · 12/06/2017 09:35

right with you on this one but there'll possibly be tears and a guilt trip 'haven't much money' but op needs to do as she sees fit with dc. what does dh /dp say on the matter ?

SaucyJack · 12/06/2017 09:37

It's a massive waste of money and the Earth's resources to buy clothes that will only be worn a handful of times, so I can understand any moral objections to it on that front.

But just let her knock herself out anyway if she hasn't got anything better to do with her time. Buying small clothes is fun. Does she babysit? Just sod off down the pub and leave her to her dressing-up games.

Scrumple · 12/06/2017 09:38

Sounds very controlling to me! I would be feeling intimidated by this behaviour and would want to nip it in the bud before it escalates (previous experience of a domineering MIL).

Just shrug and respond very candidly that your younger children will wear clothes of your choosing; your older children will have their own opinion on what clothes they wear.

Suggest that she spends the money on something the children actually need or buys next sizes up.

If she just surprises you with bags of clothes one day, look very perplexed and say something along the likes of not having the space for non-necessities. Ask her to return them to the store or ask if she can drop it into the charity shop/women's hostel for you. Her fault for not taking no for an answer.

If it's more that she wants to be involved rather than wanting to exert her control, suggest that she accompanies you next time you go on a shopping trip for the children e.g. for autumn/winter clothes if you already have everything for the summer.

Original poster
bellarosa81 · 12/06/2017 09:41

Thanks all !
I think i'll let her crack on - as it Will be just when they are at her house.
She had three boys so maybe she thinks she knows how to dress my boys too!

OP posts:
DeadGood · 12/06/2017 09:42

Seriously though OP, your writing style is really stilted and makes you seem a bit mad

TheMaddHugger · 12/06/2017 09:46

DeadGood Mon 12-Jun-17 09:42:01
Seriously though OP, your writing style is really stilted and makes you seem a bit mad
Biscuit
What the Heck are you smoking ??

Original poster
bellarosa81 · 12/06/2017 09:46

Haha saucy jack - and i completely agree with you about the impact on the environment.

DH just laughs and says she loves to shop. I Said i just would like her to ask first incase there is something we need.

We have completely different styles so not sure a joint shopping trip would Work Hmm

OP posts:
Original poster
bellarosa81 · 12/06/2017 09:49

Well English isn't my first language so sorry my style is upsetting so many people!
ffs.

OP posts:
TheMaddHugger · 12/06/2017 09:51

bellarosa81 Your English is absolutely Fine OP. Ignore the weirdos

((((((((Hugs))))))))

HerOtherHalf · 12/06/2017 09:51

It sounds like she is crossing a line to me. We frequently buy clothes for our grandchildren but we will almost always consult their mother parents or buy what we think they would like. We are helping out and supporting them, not trying to impose our sense of style, which is what your MiL appears to be doing.

BattleaxeGalactica · 12/06/2017 09:52

Where is she planning to keep the second wardrobe?

If it's her own place there's probably not much you can do about it however weird and annoying it is. If she's planning for you to store it so she can play dress up dollies while she's with you she needs to be told in no uncertain terms there's no room for a Beckhamesque style wardrobe.

liquidrevolution · 12/06/2017 09:53

She sounds mad actually. I would not be alright with this at all. And I dont care if that makes me sound controlling to the rest of mumsnet. I worry that it will send all the wrong signals to your DC.

What does your 9 year old think?

x2boys · 12/06/2017 09:53

i used to have a colleguer who had her granddaughter staying every other weekend it was her sons daughter, and he had split with his daughters mum and still lived at home , my collegue had her wardrobe of clothes at her house for her granddaughter and the child would be immediatley changed in to grandma,s clothes as soon as she got there tbh i can understand why they wouldnt want clothes going backwards and forwards but it did seem a bit strange the granddaughter starts secondary school this time so i,m not sure she will still want to wear what her grandma wants her to wear.

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