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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Wwyd: M.i.l wanting to buy her own wardrobe of clothes for My children.

78 replies

bellarosa81 · 12/06/2017 09:15

Ok this is not a rant about the M.i.l more a general wondering about how others would react.

I have a New baby and Two other children . Their paternal grandparents live here half the year And the rest abroad so i appreciate them spending Time with the children.

It started with the M.i.l buying a few bits here and there which i consider gifts however last week she randomnly bought a New coat for My middle Child - he has 3 at home!
The eldest is 9 and so can actually be asked and can have a conversation with M.i.l , Also she has very particular tastes and would tell her if she wouldnt wear something .

Another day she commented on how my son's trousers look like pyjamas and was he really going to wear them - he is 2 and very sensitive to texture so these were very soft. I Said "What's the problem with them?" And she went quiet.

So this weekend after changing Said child's clothes into an outfit she'd bought , and received lots of nice comments on, announced in front of several other relatives :
"I'm going to buy My own wardrobe of children's clothes for them "
I asked why and she Said "because i want to " !?!

Is this strange ?
How would you react ?

They have plenty of clothes and really do not need anything extra Anyway.

OP posts:

DeadGood · 12/06/2017 09:54

It's not your use of words, which is perfect. It's the way you use capital letters in the middle of sentences, and spaces around all of your punctuation. Why?

AvoidingCallenetics · 12/06/2017 09:55

I wouldn't like this. She is overstepping boundaries - they are not her children to dress as she pleases, they are yours. Choosing a whole wardrobe of clothes is about her trying to parent your children instead of respecting that she is a grandmother, not mother.
I wouldn't like it and I wouldn't allow it. She is being very rude and telling you that your taste is awful and she can do better!
Why would you just let that go?

dinosaursandtea · 12/06/2017 09:55

That's incredibly rude. I'd push back and tell her that when your kids stay with her, you'll send them with whatever they need to wear so she doesn't need to bother...

HerOtherHalf · 12/06/2017 09:58

Seriously though OP, your writing style is really stilted and makes you seem a bit mad

Apart from the occasional unnecessary leading capital, there is absolutely nothing wrong with the OPs English. I would never have realised it wasn't her first language if she hadn't mentioned it. She's done a far better job of learning the language than you have of learning manners.

Ialsostillhaveanoscrubspolicy · 12/06/2017 09:58

Just for reference you only need a capital letter at the beginning of a sentence or if using a persons name or I to refer to a person. Random capital letters looks strange.

As for your MIL (that's how people tend to do abbreviations) I would say to her that you appreciate her thinking of the children but they have plenty of clothes and an entire extra wardrobe really isn't needed. If possible get your husband to tell her. If you've said it's not needed you have done your bit. You should not feel guilty if she does it anyway and then moans. If she constantly moans that it cost her a fortune to make you feel guilty just politely remind her that you said it's not necessary. Nothing more you can do.

Ialsostillhaveanoscrubspolicy · 12/06/2017 09:59

I also agree that your English is better than some people's manners.

Original poster

bellarosa81 · 12/06/2017 10:00

My 9 year old is not that interested in clothes but prefers them to be non gender specific and above all practical/comfortable ...interestingly the things m.i.l bought her have been lovely!

OP posts:

DirtyChaiLatte · 12/06/2017 10:00

She sounds controlling.

In her passive aggressive way she's criticising your parenting by implying that you don't know how to dress your own children.

I personally wouldn't be happy with this situation.

MerryMarigold · 12/06/2017 10:02

Do your kids feel comfortable enough to say what they like/ don't like? Would they say if they felt uncomfortable? Would your 9yo say she didn't want to wear the clothes grandma has bought (no way my 8yo dd and her grandma have same taste!). If the kids feel they need to wear what she says I'd worry a bit if that is different from how they are parented at home.

Original poster

bellarosa81 · 12/06/2017 10:04

I think it's weird people are focusing on punctuation etc rather than the content of my post.

Well i got an English lesson too!

OP posts:

bridgetreilly · 12/06/2017 10:06

I wouldn't let her. Remind her that you are the parents and it's your job to provide what the children need. You're grateful for gifts but a whole wardrobe is not a gift, it's a criticism.

Sunnie1984 · 12/06/2017 10:08

As long as she keeps them at her house, let her get on with it.

She's being a bit weird, but if that's as bad as she gets, I'd let it slide, as long as I didn't have to find space for all these extra clothes x

VoteMe · 12/06/2017 10:08

It's not your use of words, which is perfect. It's the way you use capital letters in the middle of sentences, and spaces around all of your punctuation. Why

My iPad does this for me. I need to use autocorrect as my spelling is awful but it does weird things.... eg if I type Neighbour it puts a capital at the beginning. I notice it but I can't be bothered to go back and change it. It also likes American spellings even though the dictionary is set to UK English

If this is the OPs second language then I'm impressed 👍🏻😊. It's ether than a lot of people's who have English as a first language

Original poster

bellarosa81 · 12/06/2017 10:08

Avoiding callenetics- I think that's what's bothering me about this . I don't want to upset her but yes it feels like she is criticising my taste.

OP posts:

DirtyChaiLatte · 12/06/2017 10:09

I think your English is perfectly fine too. It's not prefect, but neither is mine or pretty much anyone else's I assume!

DeadGood · 12/06/2017 10:11

Herotherhalf yes, you are probably right. But a previous poster had mentioned it, and the OP chose to ignore that comment, so I thought I would bring it to her attention again.

I don't like the "ignore things I don't like hearing" approach, think it's rude.

But yes, I spose I was a bit rude in pointing it out. Maybe it'll help the OP though. Like I said, her English is perfect, but the style is writing undermines it.

DeadGood · 12/06/2017 10:13

"My iPad does this for me. I need to use autocorrect as my spelling is awful but it does weird things.... eg if I type Neighbour it puts a capital at the beginning. I notice it but I can't be bothered to go back and change it."

Good point, is this what's happening OP?

"A whole wardrobe is not a gift, it's a criticism." Very well put!

Does sound like your MIL doesn't approve of your taste OP. Could you ask her if that's the case?

Basecamp21 · 12/06/2017 10:14

I love buying my Grandchildren clothes - I spend an astronomical amount kitting them out in the kit and training gear from Chelsea FC cos I am fanatical and their parents do not follow football at all.

They do wear the clothes - especially the shirts as they are so practical - but not as much as the money I spend would warrant - but it is my choice to rather overspend and waste my money - it is just seen as a funny indulgence of Nanny.

Helping your children to learn about and accept other people's idiosyncrasy's is a vital lesson. She is not demanding you put them in the clothes so what harm is she doing?

AvoidingCallenetics · 12/06/2017 10:15

She isn't worrying about upsetting you though, is she?
This would actually make me really angry. She is undermining you - it really isn't a little thing of no consequence. As your child gets older, what else will she criticise about you to your child? It isn't good for children to see their parents being shown a complete lack of respect by grandparents.
Anyway, if this was me, my mil would not ever have my child to stay over, so would not be given the chance to do this. I would also tell her that I view it as rude and disrespectful. If dhe can d8sh it out she can certainly take it!

Offherhead · 12/06/2017 10:16

I wonder if someone knows my EXMIL. She bought clothes for my daughters at her house. All the older pictures of them from her they are wearing things she has bought. They are older now and resent being treated like dollies. They get very anxious about going round because she makes snide remarks about things they choose "oh i just prefer more fashionable clothes I suppose". Complete cow.
I support them now when they don't want to see her. I hope that trend continues. Controlling always.

TheFaerieQueene · 12/06/2017 10:17

Don't worry OP. The wank brigade are out today.

AvoidingCallenetics · 12/06/2017 10:19

There is a difference between bring a doting granny who buys lots of clothes out of love (of either shopping or grandchildren ) and buying a ehole new wardrobe because you think mum isn't doing a good enough job and has no taste!
This isn't just about buying clothes.

Original poster

bellarosa81 · 12/06/2017 10:20

So now i'm being told that because I didn't answer rude comments I am the one that is rude?!!
That is ridiculous. You seem like you wanted to start an argument and it was nothing to do with my question.I thank the people who have taken the time to give helpful advice in relation to my question.

OP posts:

StephanieAteMyLunch · 12/06/2017 10:21

She is criticising your taste.

I wouldn't have let my MIL do this and to be honest she wouldn't have. They are not dolls to dress as she sees fit but children.

How is she going to feel when they start rejecting the clothes she has bought for them? I have 2 sons who are now 14 and 11 and I don't shop for them anymore because I like things they don't.

AvoidingCallenetics · 12/06/2017 10:23

Take no notice bellrosa. It is the height of rudeness to correct another adult's writing, unless asked to by said adult.

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