To play him at his own game?

[DaisyChaining]

My DDs dad is a proper shit. Doesn't turn up for contact half the time, making me miss uni and work and stuff. Doesn't particularly pay his way, though he acts like he's paying me a fortune 🙄

Anyway, he finally came and got her today two hours late. I went to a big festival and have been drinking all day. I'm going to be hungover tomorrow.

He's saying he needs to bring her back in the morning as he's got things to do. AIBU to just ignore him until 3/4ish when I've properly indulged my hangover? Considering what he does to me on a regular occasion.

It's a worry tho if he is OK to even have care of your child if he finds it such a strain on such a regular basis, bringing back early?

So neither parent wants the child today.

Fucking tragic.

Bloody hell there are a lot of 'holier than thou' people on this thread

Her ex is shirking his responsibilities by sloping off early from his care responsibilities - OP is just letting her hair down for a weekend when she's not with her child ffs..... do you think the ex bothers to step up if OP has a few things to do and look after his child - doubtful!

I'm married, I often go away with my friends and met my hair down whilst my husband has our kids on his own, and vice Versa - is PP honestly saying that on those types of situation a mum can't just be an adult out with friends and enjoy a few drinks and late night?
Seriously!!!??

enjoy a few drinks and late night?

She was all day drinking. That's not just a few fucking drinks.

Why all the sad faces?

How do you know??? Who cares if she has 20 drinks, if she's home and fit to cats for her child at the appropriate time

Poor child. Sounds like she is an inconvenience to both her parents and that's not a nice way for her to grow up.

flumpybear How do I know? Hmm... maybe because she said so in her OP?!

I went to a big festival and have been drinking all day.

I don't agree, it sounds like her mum went out on what she thought was her day off, until her ex decided to cut it short.
How does going to a festival and drinking mean that the dd is unwanted?

For what it's worth OP, as long as you're sure that he will look after your DD, I'd do it! Look after yourself for a change, he evidently always does.

Yanbu
What you do is your business and it's your day off.
What concerns me about your post is the way you are framing the situation as a game.
Whatever the outcome, how will you explain the situation to your daughter?

The op is not the one with the problem here, it's the ex.

Bollocks. The only one with the problem is the child.

OP why would you want your child in the care of someone who doesn't want her there?

Fgs. If none of you have had a day off since you had kids then perhaps that accounts for the bitterness here towards the OP.

No wonder "fathers" are allowed to get away with shirking their responsibilities if all the blame is still laid at the door of the mother.

SINGLE MUMZ GETTING PISSED RUINING THEIR KIDS LIFE.

I'm sorry did I just click on a daily mail link?

Was it Download OP?

YANBU to do something you enjoy during ex's contact time.

YANBU for that activity to be drinking and being hungover. You're an adult after all.

HIBU to bring DD back early because HE has something he wants to do that doesn't involve his child. That's basically saying he doesn't want to spend time with her and isn't prepared to fit his life around her. What a giant shit.

She wrote a coherent post on the early hours so she's clearly not out of her skull - drinking all day doesn't mean huge amounts, it could be paced out, but whatever, she's meant to have a day to herself today

Apparently only teetotal saints get up this early. Christ on a bike, what a bunch of sanctimonious prats.

What will happen if you ignore his messages, OP?

WhatToDoAboutThis2017

So? She wasn't responsible for her child, her ex was.

Trifle, they both are. Your responsibility doesn't magically dissipate just because your child is with someone else.
I disagree with the idea that grown-ups disagreements should take precedence over their child's interest.

Clandestino

Your general responsibilities are obviously ongoing, but her child was in the immediate care of another adult so, in my opinion, provided that care is adequate, she is fine to enjoy herself and have as many drinks as she likes.

Clan - so then she can't do anything, go anywhere, she needs to be in 24 hour call whether she's with her child or her ex has the child - if that's your life i feel sorry for you

If the dad wasn't responsible enough to look after his daughter, then surely he wouldn't have access. Nowhere do I see the op using her child as a pawn. All she wants is her day off.
She obviously does, as, stated in her op he messes her around with work and uni, so she picks up the slack on a regular basis, so yes she is allowed her day off to do as she pleases, this does not somehow turn her into a shocking mother who doesn't care about her daughter's happiness, On the contrary, it is important to value oneself, to be able to give to others.

Its funny how the op is the devil for having a day of drinking yet the automatic response to any problem on MN is to recommend a big glass of wine. Bloody hypocrites.

Wow, some very judgy people on here! Give yourselves a clap for being so perfect. Not sure what's so wrong with looking after kids with a hangover either
OP, as others have said, as long as she is being looked after properly don't change your plans to suit him, let him face his responsibilities for a change. You're a working student parent, you damn well deserve some time to yourself. Hope you had fun.

Jesus fucking Christmas. The vipers are out in force this morning.

Reading the OP properly.
The FATHER is trying to dump HIS daughter because it interfers with HIS plans.
It isn't that the OP decided to go on a bender and is trying to dump her daughter.

And the OP is the bad guy because she won't let him change the plans at the last minute??

If the kid is so messed up and he does keep letting her down, then it will actually do her good that the father is actually sticking to the plan, surely ?