This park worker

[LittleBooInABox]

Today my son (7) and I went out on our monthly day together to a local farm/park area.

The day was going well we'd seen the animals and painted pottery. As we were walking back to the play area, my son spotted the zorb area, giant water balls. He said he wanted a turn.

I explained to him that he had to sit in the ball, while the man blew it up with a leaf blower type pump that was loud I explained this twice. We stood fairly close to the child in front being secured into the ball so my son could watch and see what would happen. He is a very nervous child. I asked again if he was sure he wanted to go on it. He said he was.

The man of about 20 (not sure it's relevant) called us over, I explained that my son was nervous but wanted to go on. Could we give it a go. He guided my son into the ball, told him to put his hands over his ears, placed the leaf blower type thing inside and started inflating.

My son started to cry, I tried to reassure him from out side the hall but he was having none of it. It was to loud for me to get the attendants attention by taking, nor could I reach the zipper to open the ball to retrieve my child. So I tapped him on the shoulder.

The man eventually stopped and my son is crying uncontrollably at this point. He wants to get out, doesn't want to go on anymore, and the man instead of opening the zorb says to my upset son "if you don't stop the tantrum I won't let you out."

At this point I push past him, open the zorb and hug my child, I ask the man his name and am so shocked didn't know what else to say.

Sat on the bench for twenty minutes calming my son. When I decide to speak to the manager whom apologises but doesn't look like she's taking the issue seriously. We stayed at the park and had some lunch but left shortly after because my sons confidence was knocked. He was worried they wouldn't let him get off other rides.

WIBU to call tomorrow and make a complaint with a more senior manager. Or am I being a bit sensitive about the issue? I just feel it's the wrong thing for a stranger to say to an obviously upset child.

It took 20 minutes because he was that upset. He wanted to sit and be cuddled. My son is pretty sensitive, and takes things to heart.

I let him go on it because I was hoping he'd have grown out of his fear a little. Now he was older. And the last time he tried it and got upset the ride operator stopped immediately. I thought that would be the same this time, sadly it wasn't the case.

He was not tantrumming he was upset. He was crying. And when he felt he wasn't being listened to he started shouting. He wasn't behaving badly, he was scared.

The fear, someone having control/ power over you. Being trapped...

But what I am questioning is the attendant's reaction to the child's distress. Wondering why he didn't just let him out to alleviate his distress, but instead prolonged it. I just find it odd and very mean at the least and yet some other posters think it is just fine. All I did was transpose the same attitude to another scenario that most would find unacceptable.

All he had to do was let the boy out, especially when the parent asked him to.

If you don't know how to respond to children, then you shouldn't be working with them. But should you have to be specially trained just to know that if someone wants to stop something, then you stop?

Thank you for the responses. I've read most of them.

There is no diagnosed SEN issues. Although, suspected. I feel it is irrelevant.

I didn't want the attendant to take care of or calm my child that's my job. However I feel his attitude was poor, and the comment he made about not letting DS out added to his upset. My concern is it happening again, I feel maybe the park would be better to have conversations and additional training for the staff.

I'd like to thank those posters calling my own mental health into question. I assure you that it is fine. No aniexties here.

My DS took 20 minutes to calm because he is a nervous child. I let him go on it because he wanted to try, I explained as best I could what would happen so he wasn't shocked and knew what to expect. I told the man he was nervous so he knew that if DS started crying it would be best to stop and allow him out. He failed to do so. Then taunted DS before finally unzipping it. I'm sorry as a mother I tried to encourage my DS to try new things, and how very silly to expect basic human compassion for a scared child.

Thank you for everyone's replays. I shall send an email on Monday detailing the event and asking for operatives to be spoken to and trained better in this respect.

I understand why you are annoyed. I do agree though that the worker may have just made a mistake and said it without thinking. We all make mistakes, and you did complain to the manager at the time. I don't see what going back and complaining again will achieve. She may well have spoken to him so he doesn't do it again. What would you want to come out of a complaint?

Cross posted!

Bloody hell so minimum wage workers are too thick to understand that taunting already scared kids isn't a good idea?
God the replys on this thread are awful.

The guy was an idiot. I'd have complained too.

But OP...what you're describing isn't "a nervous child" but rather a highly anxious child.

You owe it to your son to seek some help.

It's not usual for a child of 7 to cry for 20 minutes over something like this.

I have a highly sensitive child. Would she have taken 20 minutes to calm down when she was 7? Probably. I wouldn't think so now she is almost 9. And she definitely would have screamed and shouted because of the way the man acted.

I can only assume those telling op to chivvy him along and not pander to her ds don't understand what it is to be a highly sensitive person. Highly sensitive people feel their emotions ten times more than a person, who is not HSP. That's frightening and equally unhelpful as telling an autistic person to get over it. They either don't get over it or they suppress their feelings so the parent believes they are coping better but they're not, they're shutting down.

My daughter, like me is an HSP. She is becoming more resilient, not less because I've listened to her and talked to her about her fears and parented her in a very understanding and non judgemental way. I had poor parenting. I was told to get over it, there was a lack of comfort or understanding in my distress and as a result of my myopic parenting, I have had many years of therapy.

Was he 'taunting' him, though? Did he seem to find it funny? Or was he - admittedly misguidedly- trying to encourage your son to calm down? I really don't think you can expect a 20 year old (probably without serious anxiety or nerves) to understand a 7 year old having a meltdown rather than a tantrum, when all he probably sees all day are boys and girls the same age getting incredibly excited about the same activity and not wanting to get out. I think this thread is expecting an understanding that I didn't actuallly reach until I had taught children for a couple of years. I am from a big family and we were mostly brought up on 'tough love': what are you crying about, I'll give you something to cry about etc. The result is we are pretty resilient and I don't necessarily understand the anxieties of others as easily as some people might. I suspect this young man has a similar framework in his head. It is a training need, not malice.

Still some people claiming OP knew how ds would respond to something he'd never done before. And duststarr retorting that if mum didn't know, well neither did the worker... Well, the worker didn't need to know, or be especially highly trained, or be some kind of fully in-tune kid-whisperer to know that if child is visibly upset, you immediately let said child out. You don't pointlessly threaten said child, however hilarious you think it might be.

It's so simple.

Well, I highly doubt he'll get any training. Why would he when he can so easily be replaced? He can become the scapegoat here and then everyone is happy?
He made an off hand comment, and yes although wrong, and inappropriate given the circumstances, he didn't actually hold the child to ransom. A complaint was made and an apology given. OP - you say that the manager didn't seem to take it seriously - but you got an apology. What purpose would a complaint to a higher manager really serve? How do you know the lad hasn't been spoken to per first complaint?
No he shouldn't have said what he did but if you say your son was crying uncontrollably before the guy said this then it's clear that the main issue was the ride itself, not an offhand comment afterwards. Yes I'd have said something to him but I'd also realise the main issue was him going on the ride and becoming scared. I think you're projecting how this made you feel a bit onto this guy. Y weren't U for saying in the first place, YABU to complain again.

I would recommend that next time op you stand with your child and let him wAtch and see how the ride works let him see other children go on it etc. The young mans comments was flippant yes but he's most likely not a parent himself, is only doing this job for some extra cash and sees loads of crying kids every day. I think you are making a mountain out of a molehill imo, what would be far more important to me is does this employee know first aid or what to do in the event of a fire etc.

Those balls can go rolling off if the child inside is tantrumming in a physical way eg. wiggling, kicking, pushing the insides etc. Even if they aren't that close to fully inflated they'll still sort of wobble off quite fast. You have a much better hold on them while inflating them than while trying to get someone out.

I think the worker was just trying to ensure the ball wouldn't start moving due to your DS flailing about before he started making moves to let him out. Which is the correct thing to do.

I would recommend that next time op you stand with your child and let him wAtch and see how the ride works let him see other children go on it etc.

That is exactly what she did. It's says so in the OP.

Apologies op

I'm sorry to say this and this may not be a popular comment but I believe some of our generation are not bringing children up to be very resilient and to face the future challenges of life. All to often we are over protecting our children and overreacting to any minor negative situation children find themselves in. Whilst the remark made was insensitive it is not going to be the first negative comment a child is going to hear- we can't control other peoples reactions or overcompensate when our children get called out on their behaviour whatever the reason! The child is question is 7 not a tiny infant, his fears are normal and justified of course but the man in charge probably saw a hysterical screaming child which he thought was a overactive tantrum. Please don't take this complaint any further!

if the child inside is tantrumming in a physical way...

There's absolutely no suggestion that he was; OP said he was crying. The worker used the word tantrum - presumably as part of this hilarious 'joke' some people think he was creating.

Seriously, some posters like to invent all sorts of new details and scenarios in a desperate bid to make OP appear in the wrong. For some people, this is the ultimate aim of AIBU - to go to any lengths to prove OP is indeed wildly unreasonable, even if they're explaining how another party was rude/offensive/cruel

We've got in-depth explanations on this thread about how OP is 'enabling' anxiety, how she's doing the whole parenting thing wrong, how all seven-year-olds only need 4.5 minutes to calm down... It's outrageous.

The only issue is: should she take the complaint further? If you think not, fine; in your opinion, the guy's comment is not bad enough to warrant more aggro. I think that's a vaild viewpoint. But that's a bit different from tearing apart OP's whole parenting approach. Ffs.

I'm sorry to say this and this may not be a popular comment but I believe some of our generation are not bringing children up to be very resilient and to face the future challenges of life. All to often we are over protecting our children and overreacting to any minor negative situation children find themselves in. Whilst the remark made was insensitive it is not going to be the first negative comment a child is going to hear- we can't control other peoples reactions or overcompensate when our children get called out on their behaviour whatever the reason

Why do people do this^ when they actually mean the OP?

Just a way of speaking/ generalising as it's not just the Op!

You are over protective and it shows. All this "I went to rescue my child" stuff - crying uncontrollably for 20 minutes etc etc ... how is he ever going to learn to be more resilient when he's pandered to in this way?

If he was mine, I'd have told the worker not to be a twat (he WAS out of order) and then told DS "I told you what it would be like now stop crying about it and let's carry on with our day". I wouldn't have taken him home either, I would have offered a few words of comfort and then ignored any further daft behaviour so that he learnt that crying continuously gets you nowhere. (And yes I've had the same situation, when he was 5 he wanted to go on a train ride. I told him he wouldn't like it. He insisted. He cried as soon as it started and the bloke wouldn't stop it. Afterwards I said "well, now you know you don't like THAT ride! Let's go and get something to eat."

He's now 16 and enjoys roller coasters that would have me spewing in seconds.