This park worker

[LittleBooInABox]

Today my son (7) and I went out on our monthly day together to a local farm/park area.

The day was going well we'd seen the animals and painted pottery. As we were walking back to the play area, my son spotted the zorb area, giant water balls. He said he wanted a turn.

I explained to him that he had to sit in the ball, while the man blew it up with a leaf blower type pump that was loud I explained this twice. We stood fairly close to the child in front being secured into the ball so my son could watch and see what would happen. He is a very nervous child. I asked again if he was sure he wanted to go on it. He said he was.

The man of about 20 (not sure it's relevant) called us over, I explained that my son was nervous but wanted to go on. Could we give it a go. He guided my son into the ball, told him to put his hands over his ears, placed the leaf blower type thing inside and started inflating.

My son started to cry, I tried to reassure him from out side the hall but he was having none of it. It was to loud for me to get the attendants attention by taking, nor could I reach the zipper to open the ball to retrieve my child. So I tapped him on the shoulder.

The man eventually stopped and my son is crying uncontrollably at this point. He wants to get out, doesn't want to go on anymore, and the man instead of opening the zorb says to my upset son "if you don't stop the tantrum I won't let you out."

At this point I push past him, open the zorb and hug my child, I ask the man his name and am so shocked didn't know what else to say.

Sat on the bench for twenty minutes calming my son. When I decide to speak to the manager whom apologises but doesn't look like she's taking the issue seriously. We stayed at the park and had some lunch but left shortly after because my sons confidence was knocked. He was worried they wouldn't let him get off other rides.

WIBU to call tomorrow and make a complaint with a more senior manager. Or am I being a bit sensitive about the issue? I just feel it's the wrong thing for a stranger to say to an obviously upset child.

It was an insensitive remark. But you are the adult responsible for your son who allowed him to get in even though you knew he'd hate it.

Morphene are you serious? Hearing a noise in a zorb that he had seen and already heard being a horrible scare?

Yes let him cry as much as you want, no problem with that, but seriously trying to calm him for 20 mins? It's not invalidating his feelings to say 'I know you were scared, never mind, now dry your eyes and we'll go and '

Ridiculous to indulge this behaviour.

And agree with PP, unless there's actual diagnosed anxiety (and possibly even then) spending 20 minutes trying to calm him down is often counter-productive.

YANBU

I think you were right to encourage your son to try it, so he could decide for himself whether he enjoyed it rather than rely on your opinion of his likely preferences, but that only works if he can stop at any time if he changes his mind. It's surely common sense, even for a 20 year-old, that if something is obviously distressing a small child, you allow them to stop immediately, and it's not for him to 'parent' your child in your presence by placing conditions on letting him out of the zorb.

Is your son feeding off your anxieties perhaps? It seems you are building things up, and both before and after making a bigger deal of things than they really are, thus getting him worked up?

tazer you don't get to pick what other people find a terrifying experience. I've a phobia of moths...it doesn't mean that you get to belittle my feelings and tell me 'you can't have been scared, because it can't hurt you' does it?

He found the experience terrifying. That is all that matters, not whether you would have found it terrifying or even if you think it is reasonable for ANYONE to find it terrifying.

Training to be a moderately sensitive human being, you mean?

It sounds to me more like a poorly judged joke than a deliberate attempt to be nasty.

I also think OP was right to let him try. You reinforce terrors by repeated avoidance.

He wanted to try, op was right to let him. She was also right to stop the experience once he found it too much, and to comfort him for as long as he needed afterwards.

Children are human beings too.

Even after 20 minutes calming him down you had to leave because he was scared he wouldn't be allowed to get off other rides?

I agree with PP with a child of 7 you should have been able to just take him out and say something along the lines of I told you you might not like it. Taking 20 mins to calm him down sounds to me like you were actually making it out to be worse than it was.
I see this all the time at work, parents who make such a fuss about every little thing that they are actually the ones causing the child's anxiety in the first place

Sometimes, the more time you spend listening, consoling and validating just validates the feeling that child was quite right to be this anxious and in a similar situation in the future, he would need a high level of reassurance and anxiety would be an appropriate reaction.

At the end of the day you his parent let him on.What happened is down to you. He's 7 not a baby,unless he has sen.Sounds like a massive over reaction.

And what could have the man have done,he stopped it when he realised,same as the manager. They did what they could

You were the adult in charge and you let a 7 year old do an activity you initially deemed unsuitable. I expect the park worker has had his fill of stroppy kids and demanding parents.

That's a really shit way to respond to a traumatised child. It doesn't matter why the child was crying or whether it was predictable or not, he needs training in how to deal with it properly if his job involves making loud noises round trapped children. Of course some of them will be scared! He needs to ask for some training for this scenario

This. Your poor DS. I would not be happy if that were my child!!

7 year olds can be distracted and calmed down pretty quickly

Can they? All of them? That must be helpful for the OP to know, especially as it took 20 minutes in her case.

Jeez, they're all out tonight, aren't they?

OP knows her son is sensitive but she couldn't predict his exact reaction here.

What she's upset about is the stupid remark from the stupid guy. He made it worse. Any vaguely sentient human knows that if a child is distressed at being effectively trapped somewhere, threatening to leave them in said place is not going to help.

Don't see how 'training' will help - unless it's an intensive course called 'How not to terrify children and not be a fucking idiot'?

The 20 year old was wrong to say that, but when you spoke to the manager, she apologised. YABU if you are going to complain again.

I agree with inthebenefittrap I have anxiety and if someone said that to me I'd be panicking, and for a child it's probably a lot worse.

He was wrong to say it but there are plenty of idiots all over. The guy probably has no idea how to handle sensitive, anxious kids and why should he as he is just a minimum wage employee in a farm park! I think you are over reacting now though. You sorted it, got your child off and comforted him. It is time to move on tbh.

I will also add though, that sometimes you do have to be a bit tougher and 20 minutes does seem a long time to calm a 7 year old. I don't mean to be harsh, I have a nervous child when she was younger and sometimes saying "I knew you wouldn't like it silly. You're ok now let's go and do something you will like." Or something to that effect. My little one seems a lot more confident through that and tries to be much braver now and can communicate why she is scared and I can most times talk her through it and then the fear soon passes. Obviously this is only in my experience so may not work for some.

Mmm I think you went a bit over the top.

A firm "don't worry, he's joking!" to DS and a cheery 'aww, poor you, come on, let's get some ice cream now!' would have conveyed sympathy without DS now thinking some huge tragedy took place.

But it is very easy to be the perfect parent after the event

Im not sure why you allowed ds on a ride knowing how nervous he is.

Just post the Park name here.

I'm a bit about some of these responses. It is always ok for an adult to change their mind, withdraw consent and say no. No different for a child. OP I also have a very sensitive/anxious child, who is slowly growing into a very brave adrenaline junky. I would have done exactly the same as you. Why on earth would you try and stop a child doing something they MIGHT fail at? I would follow up your complaint if you think it would prevent this happening to someone else

Morphene - I also have a phobia of moths. Phobia being 'an irrational fear'. Do you not think that it would be helpful for a child to learn from his parent not that 'you can't have been scared, because it can't hurt you' more 'I understand you were scared, but it can't and won't hurt you and it's over now'? I understand as an adult you might not like this but as adults we should be at least trying to encourage our children to be a bit more resilient in the face of what most adults and children would see as a non-issue?