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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Aibu to think this is quite rude actually??

70 replies

Kaytejones · 09/06/2017 19:07

I have been seeing a specialist for an all-consuming condition for about a year. She has been fantastic and is due to transfer to another hospital in another town shortly. I sent a very nice box of chocolates and a note conveying my thanks as I really wanted to let her know that I was extremely grateful. I don't know who my next specialist will be (need to call the hospital to be fair, that's my responsibility) when she goes. Aibu to think it's a bit rude to have not even received an acknowledgement when I sent this nearly 4 days ago!? I may be a bit sensitive as it has been touch and go as to whether I would even still be here now hence why I am indebted to this consultant.

OP posts:

TyneTeas · 09/06/2017 19:08

I wouldn't expect to receive a thank you for a thank you

tinytemper66 · 09/06/2017 19:09

Whilst it would be nice, the fact she is transferring may mean she is a little busy.

DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen · 09/06/2017 19:09

You want a thank you card for a thank you gift?

HarrietKettleWasHere · 09/06/2017 19:09

I'm sure she appreciates it but no I wouldn't expect her to chase me up to show her gratitude.

Purplepicnic · 09/06/2017 19:09

I think a thank you for a thank you is not really required in etiquette terms.

MumIsRunningAMarathon · 09/06/2017 19:10

How would she contact you? Did you leave contact details with the card....or?

Original poster

Kaytejones · 09/06/2017 19:10

Oh god no, not a card! I just think an email would have been good manners. I'm obviously not going to lose sleep, it just occurred to me this morning. Like I said, my poor health has consumed my life so I obviously need to have some perspective.

OP posts:

gamerchick · 09/06/2017 19:10

I wouldn't expect a thankyou for that either.

x2boys · 09/06/2017 19:11

she probably gets letter and cards and presents a lot as a nurse i sometimes got thankyou cards and chocolates its nice to recieve them bvut i wouldnt write back to someone

ApocalypseNowt · 09/06/2017 19:12

I don't think it's particularly rude tbh. Your present was a thank you. And you expected a thank you for a thank you ifkwim?

I completely appreciate that you may be feeling sensitive though - just try not to dwell on it. I'm sure your gift was gratefully received.

Fwiw I sent a small box of chocs and a thank you card to a medical professional (although for something less serious).....it didn't occur to me that i might get acknowledged.

Hope your recover/treatment progresses well OP x

CaulkheadUpNorf · 09/06/2017 19:12

I think you're being a bit sensitive about it.

Original poster

Kaytejones · 09/06/2017 19:13

Well the nurses did actually so perhaps that's why it occurred to me that she hadn't. Fair enough! I accept popular opinion

OP posts:

iveburntthetoast · 09/06/2017 19:13

No, It wouldn't cross my mind to expect a thank you--and I especially wouldn't expect a thank you after only 4 days.

DailyMailReadersAreThick · 09/06/2017 19:13

She saved your life and you're upset that she hasn't called to thank you for your thank you?

YABU

Hope your new consultant is as good, though. I'm also under consultant care and their biases and preferences have so much influence over our lives.

NoSquirrels · 09/06/2017 19:14

It's a professional relationship, so she can't text you, probably cannot informally email, and I would suggest has no time for handwritten thank you cards (for your thank you!)

As a PP says she's probably run off her feet getting all notes up to date for handover to her new colleague, or even be away/sick/working away from her department so she may not even have got it yet.

I do think you may be a little demanding on this occasion.

RelaxMax · 09/06/2017 19:15

I've sent various gifts and thank you notes to medical staff over the years and have never received an acknowledgement. You're saying thank you to them - they don't need to then thank you for saying thank you.

Original poster

Kaytejones · 09/06/2017 19:15

Thanks apocalypse. Actually her secretary said it was very rare for patients to do that so I guess I felt a bit of a prat on Monday when I dropped it in . Not sure of protocol but just of the opinion that you let someone know when they do you a good turn. No biggie though.

OP posts:

MrsChopper · 09/06/2017 19:15

I wouldn't be expecting anything, bet she is super busy.

Saying that, I am sure she appreciated it.

Covfefe · 09/06/2017 19:15

Don't give to receive. Imagine how many patients she sees. What if they all sent a card or gift, how much pointless admin would that generate.

NHS weathers cuts and underfunding finally to be driven under by politeness.

Get over yourself.

CaulkheadUpNorf · 09/06/2017 19:16

I guess there is a chance that she is off ill this week and therefore hasn't even received them yet? Or maybe her secretary snaffled the chocolates?!

DailyMailReadersAreThick · 09/06/2017 19:16

You didn't do her "a good turn" - you thanked her for all the good she's done you.

Venusflytwat · 09/06/2017 19:16

An NHS consultant? You're put out that she hasn't sent you a thank you for a thank you? Within four days????

You've lost touch with your perspective, sorry.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 09/06/2017 19:18

Sorry OP but that's quite needy of you. Why do you need a thank you for a thank you gift? Don't give these in future if you're going to fret about receiving an acknowledgement/further 'thank you'.

This consultant has done tremendous things for you by the sounds of it. She really doesn't owe you a 'thank you'. Rejoice in your improved health and mentally wish her well. Then let go.

Original poster

Kaytejones · 09/06/2017 19:18

No no dailymail, I meant that I was thanking HEr for a good turn in a way I would do with anyone else in other walks of life. Tbf my 13 year old daughter called me a loser for mentioning this when I brought it up at dinner earlier.

OP posts:

Lostinaseaofbubbles · 09/06/2017 19:19

My mother in law does thank you's for thank yous. Drives me mad. I started replying with a thank you for your thank you for my thank you. That one ran for several months before even she conceded it had got silly. She still does thank you's for thank you's though...

And I still think it's odd. When you say thank you to someone for anything in real life do you expect a thank you from them for thanking them...

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