Aibu to think this is quite rude actually??

[Kaytejones]

I have been seeing a specialist for an all-consuming condition for about a year. She has been fantastic and is due to transfer to another hospital in another town shortly. I sent a very nice box of chocolates and a note conveying my thanks as I really wanted to let her know that I was extremely grateful. I don't know who my next specialist will be (need to call the hospital to be fair, that's my responsibility) when she goes. Aibu to think it's a bit rude to have not even received an acknowledgement when I sent this nearly 4 days ago!? I may be a bit sensitive as it has been touch and go as to whether I would even still be here now hence why I am indebted to this consultant.

I'm a solicitor and occasionally get cards/chocs etc.
I always send a short email just to acknowledge them and yes, say thank you!

I actually accessed her through BUPA, not that I think that makes any difference.

You didn't give it to get thanks, I hope. I wouldn't expect an acknowledgment at all, never mind in four days.

I think it's quite needy to tbh, she did her job and was fantastic at it, you thanked her ( she was probably very pleased you bothered) and really, that's that.

I sent some to my sons consultant and secretary at xmas, though it was mainly to the secretary as she sorted out loads of stuff that went wrong on his discharge, that really wasnt her job, but wasnt anyone elses either and i couldnt fix as i had no access to the systems to see what had gone wromg, they did send a ty letter, but it didnt arrive till feb! Wasnt expecting a ty though

You only gave it to her four days ago! Good grief. She's probably busy helping other patients. She's not a friend but a professional. Why on earth would you expect her to take further time out of her working day to thank you for your thank you?! She's helped you by doing her job well. You've thanked her. That was kind of you. That should be enough.

I think as a pp said you shouldn't give to receive thanks really.

Fair enough, thanks all. Believe it or not, I'm actually quite low maintenance but would think the same as you if I were reading this by someone else, if I'm honest. I used to be a social worker and always acknowledged gifts and cards but perhaps that was OTT in hindsight. Perhaps I'm just a bit anxious about my ongoing treatment (mixture of NHS and private) and just projecting.

Also having been in these type of situations, your feelings towards them are completely disproportionate to how they feel about you, you need to be able to recognise that.
There is a PICU nurse I would walk over hot coals for if she asked, but I realise however i feel about her, we were just another family in the 1000's she has seen. It doesnt change how i feel about her, but it does mean my expectations of her are realistic.

OohAahBird really good post.

That's a good point actually. Perhaps I hero worship her a bit (hard not to when I feel that it is because of her that I'm here for my daughter) and I'm bloody terrified about my ongoing care when she goes. Unreasonable perhaps (I'm sure it'll be fine) but she was bloody good.

You might still get a thanks but don't take it personally if you don't. I think it was a thoughtful thing to do.
I suppose there is a small chance she hasn't received it yet?

Anyhow, I hope your treatment continues to go well, it sounds like you've had a difficult time.

It's easily done and really common OP

It's not really about the chocolates is it?

My GP told me once the most important sentence in a consultation isn't what the patient says when they come in and sit down, it's what they say when they have their hand on the door handle at the end. I think it's maybe about your last sentence in your post. "I may be a bit sensitive as it has been touch and go as to whether I would even still be here now hence why I am indebted to this consultant."

Perhaps there is a little part of you that feels a little let down and perhaps resentful that your specialist is "moving on". Maybe you're also nervous about your new consultant? I don't think you really give two fucks that you haven't had a thank you letter but perhaps you do give two fucks that feel like you're being a bit "abandoned" by someone who you trust, and are very grateful to, and feel like you rely on.

Very very understandable from anyone that has been in that situation. No doubt though you will get a load of dicks not RTFT and jumping in to tell you how U you are being

I understand where you are coming from, but you have done a kind thing in sending the chocolates and note. You're not in the wrong here at all, and your feelings are very reasonable, I think, under the circumstances.

Also, just to say when I was in that situation (after taking it very personally that my consultant was leaving me ) my new one was wonderful and actually having a fresh pair of eyes really helped my care. I hope it's the same for you.

I think it's dependent on location. It would never occur to me or my family to send thank you notes at Christmas.

It turns out 5 years later, that DP's family think that's rude (DP knew this, but didn't mind being rude and didn't tell me, although it was actually expected that I would send or make the kids send them)

Personally, I wouldn't expect anything - I've said thankyou, I don't need thanks for my thanks - if you start down that path it all starts getting a bit wierd

Would you then send a thank you for her thank you?

It was really thoughtful of you to show your appreciation but I'd not have expected a response. Especially if she is in the process of transferring to another hospital.

I feel you've got the point of the majority by now, but I'm curious to ask you a question.

If she had replied with a card/email/letter to say thank you for your gift, what would you then do?

When does it end, you thank her, she thanks you for thanking her, you thank her for acknowledging your thank you etc.

I also think it's just because you've had such a relationship with her, you've been poorly and your life consumed by it so I guess going out of your way to pop a card and gift in was probably something nice and something different for you to do, in an otherwise crappy situation.

She will have appreciated it regardless of a response and that is what matters, she will remember you in time to come when another person potentially gives her a gift or mentions a name. You'll be with her like she is with you in mind.

Don't beat yourself up over it. And I wish you the best of health from now and ahead.

This is one of those rare threads where an op is bu, gets told so, and is sound about it, and people have a nice chat, and THAT is what deserves some thanks. Thank you op.

This is what keeps me on MN.

Thanks user. In answer to your question I wouldn't do anything after that! If anything, it would just be nice to know they got to her more than anything I s'pose. Thanks again everyone.