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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think DH is being a prat about DS?

83 replies

GoingSouthThisYear · 08/06/2017 14:07

DS is 18 and tends to have a bit of delusion of grandeur. Example being that when applying for jobs he won't consider anything that is minimum or near minimum wage despite having no experience or qualification in his chosen field (IT).

So basically he's been applying for £20k a year jobs that he's unlikely to get. One being a £37k job working for BMW.

I've tried speaking to him and telling him he's being unrealistic and he needs to be applying for apprenticeships but he doesn't listen as he thinks he knows best.

Anyway, all of a sudden he got invited to interview for a £19k IT job. It's on Tuesday next week. He's over the moon and obviously so am I although I've told him there will be a lot of competition for it and he'll need to shine. He's now busy making a portfolio to present and studying the company etc. Good on him, I hope he gets it.

DH (not his dad) however has been nothing but negative about it saying he has no chance in hell of getting it, he's deluded, wasting his time (and their time) and needs a reality check. I've said that whilst I agree it's unlikely to go anywhere, we should be pleased he's got an interview and remain positive. DH has responded by saying there is nothing to remain positive about. He 100% won't get it he can guarantee it and DS needs to stop punching above his weight and look for more suitable jobs. None of this has been in earshot of DS but I'm getting really pissed off with it. He's got an interview, there must be something about him they like and it's NOT guaranteed to be a no-go is it!?

What's the harm in being optimistic and if it doesn't come off, fair enough. I wouldn't dream of telling him his kids have "no chance in hell" of getting a job they've applied for, it's just rude and unnecessary.

DS incidently does tend to have the gift of the gab and has got every job he's ever sat interview for, even one where they didn't have the right hours for him so they amended the contract to get him in!! Ok so it was only in a bakery but still, he IS good in interviews and he's going all out for this one including making a portfolio which they have not asked for.

I'm under no delusion that it's going to be difficult but whilst he has an interview, shouldn't we remain positive and optimistic??

OP posts:
Fruitcocktail6 · 08/06/2017 14:09

Your DH is being very U.

Even if he doesn't get it, attending interviews is good practice and you never know, he may just get it.

Floggingmolly · 08/06/2017 14:11

God, you need to gag him before he destroys every bit of confidence your ds has Shock. So what if he doesn't get the job? He might... Confused
Is your DH jealous of him? It's a totally bizarre stance to take, and so belittling.

livefornaps · 08/06/2017 14:14

You know what most of the people I know in life who "made it" weren't necessarily any more brilliant or qualified than anyone else. They just had the balls to go for it and work bloody hard.

It is so much better to try and fail than talk yourself out of something!

So what if he doesn't get it? It's great to have an interview for something he actually wants rather than shuffling into a job which is going to make him miserable just because that's all he's qualified for. This will be a valuable experience whatever happens, and your son sounds smart enough that he will be able to gauge from the interview atmosphere/the feedback he gets the type of impression he is making. If he is way overshooting the mark, then he can adjust accordingly.

Whatever you do, do not let your husband stamp out your son's ambition and enthusiasm. He will need both in what may be bleak years to come!

SnugglyBedSocks · 08/06/2017 14:16

What an unpleasant man

Lapinlapin · 08/06/2017 14:16

Your dh is bu.

Good on your son. Yes, I totally get that lots of teenagers think they can swan into a job and they do need to get a taste of the 'real world.'
But your son is. He's not sitting at home waiting for the perfect job to fall into his lap. At least he's applying.

The interview experience will be brilliant, and you never know, he may even get the job! He sounds pretty proactive with the portfolio and if he's good in interviews then he certainly stands a chance.

Even if he doesn't, hopefully the company will give him some feedback. If needed, this may make him a bit more realistic about the sorts of jobs he applies for, but there's certainly nothing wrong with aiming high.
Good luck to him.

livefornaps · 08/06/2017 14:18

And tell your husband that sneering is very unattractive!

In the meantime your son could start volunteering to build up some experience in IT. It's great to be ambitious but he has to put in the work too. He should also not sneer at any job/anyone working minimum wage. We all gotta start somewhere!

AnnieOH1 · 08/06/2017 14:18

You know what? If your DS is as prepared as you say and has taken the time to get to know the company, I would be inclined to offer him a job. He would stand head and shoulders above the candidates who don't bother to research.

Rossigigi · 08/06/2017 14:19

Even if he doesn't get it, it's still experience at being interviewed. Good luck to him! And yes your dp is being a prick.

lalalalyra · 08/06/2017 14:20

He interview will be great experience for him even if he doesn't get it, and it may make him memorable to the interviewer for future roles.

And they must have seen something in his application that they liked for him to have been given an interview!

PonderLand · 08/06/2017 14:30

I hope he gets the job OP! My brother moved to the south from the north when he was 17, he didn't go to 6th form or anything. My parents went on and on about how he's gonna be homeless etc but he also has the gift of the gab and got a job designing logos for a printing company. He designed things for m&s!? He had no experience!! My mind boggles. He's always done well and my parents always think he'll struggle for his next venture etc but so far he's proved them wrong for 10 years and has his own travel company/event company and lots of other fingers in pies. No apprenticeship or experience he just had the personality that people wanted. Your Dh shouldn't underestimate a good personality and character for any job xx

MrsOverTheRoad · 08/06/2017 14:32

What a wanker your DH sounds! I wouldn't allow it OP! Tell him to shut up!

Rockhopper81 · 08/06/2017 14:38

The interview will be great experience, even if he doesn't get it, but research and energy into an interview goes a long way. It's surprising the number of applicants who go to an interview having found out nothing about a company.

Your husband needs to back off. Your son may well need to accept he might have to take a lower paid job ultimately, but he doesn't need his confidence knocking when it might be what actually gets him into the field he wants to work in.

TinklyLittleLaugh · 08/06/2017 14:43

I don't think companies interview no hopers. Once he's got that initial interview he has as much chance as anyone else. Your DH sounds jealous as hell. Please update us as to how your DS gets on.

anotherdayanothersquabble · 08/06/2017 14:44

I agree with all of the posters above who say that those who do well put themselves forward for jobs they believe they can do. Companies want people who can be capable of trying, thinking, and working hard not doing things they already know how to do as that knowledge will be out of date in a few months time.

stuntcamel · 08/06/2017 14:44

A positive mental attitude helps people succeed in their careers and at job interviews. Your dh is currently undermining your ds's confidence, and that is not good.

Chillyegg · 08/06/2017 14:46

I really hope your son gets the job! Not just gor your son but to prove to your dh wrong. Your dh sounds like a dick. You need to tell him to fuck off.

happypoobum · 08/06/2017 14:46

I hope your DS gets the job and is able to move out and get away from your horrible DH Sad

Smoothyloopy · 08/06/2017 14:51

Your DH is a dick. Good luck to your DS next week

PaulDacresFeministConscience · 08/06/2017 14:52

Have you asked your H what he's going to say if your son does get the job?

PaulDacresFeministConscience · 08/06/2017 14:54

I wonder if your H is secretly worried about the fact that your DS may do well and may end up out-earning him at quite a young age. So he's slagging him off to re-establish his own place in the pecking order - because he thinks that someone's income determines their worth and importance as a person.

Jng1 · 08/06/2017 14:54

YANBU - DH is a prat and should encourage him.

There is a massive shortage of people with IT skills currently, and it's actually one of those areas where the 'traditional' route is less relevant.
Lots of highly successful IT workers are self taught and it's one of those areas where they may look for aptitude, attitude and ambition more than immediate ability.

Also - computing related jobs have some of the highest starting salaries currently, so £19k may not actually be that high for the industry as a whole.

Good luck to him.

Original poster
GoingSouthThisYear · 08/06/2017 14:55

Yes Paul, he said it won't be an issue as DS is definately not going to get the job.

I agree that he's jealous.

OP posts:
Ceic · 08/06/2017 14:57

Hiring is expensive and time-consuming. They have invited your DS for an interview because they thought it was worth their while and that he had a reasonable chance of being able to do the job. They might even have other posts in mind for him.

Does your DH really think that companies interview candidates for their own shits and thrills? On the whole, they don't!

Wanttobehonest · 08/06/2017 14:58

Yes he is being a prat.
Interview practice is great, great that he is applying, I think trying for what seems just out of reach is a good idea! But obviously at 18yrs he might be overestimating that, but don't need to beat his confidence into the ground!

PaulDacresFeministConscience · 08/06/2017 14:59

Yes Paul, he said it won't be an issue as DS is definately not going to get the job.

So if your DS does get the job, then I would quietly point out to him that it looks like he wasn't the oracle that he thought he was.

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