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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think DH is being a prat about DS?

83 replies

GoingSouthThisYear · 08/06/2017 14:07

DS is 18 and tends to have a bit of delusion of grandeur. Example being that when applying for jobs he won't consider anything that is minimum or near minimum wage despite having no experience or qualification in his chosen field (IT).

So basically he's been applying for £20k a year jobs that he's unlikely to get. One being a £37k job working for BMW.

I've tried speaking to him and telling him he's being unrealistic and he needs to be applying for apprenticeships but he doesn't listen as he thinks he knows best.

Anyway, all of a sudden he got invited to interview for a £19k IT job. It's on Tuesday next week. He's over the moon and obviously so am I although I've told him there will be a lot of competition for it and he'll need to shine. He's now busy making a portfolio to present and studying the company etc. Good on him, I hope he gets it.

DH (not his dad) however has been nothing but negative about it saying he has no chance in hell of getting it, he's deluded, wasting his time (and their time) and needs a reality check. I've said that whilst I agree it's unlikely to go anywhere, we should be pleased he's got an interview and remain positive. DH has responded by saying there is nothing to remain positive about. He 100% won't get it he can guarantee it and DS needs to stop punching above his weight and look for more suitable jobs. None of this has been in earshot of DS but I'm getting really pissed off with it. He's got an interview, there must be something about him they like and it's NOT guaranteed to be a no-go is it!?

What's the harm in being optimistic and if it doesn't come off, fair enough. I wouldn't dream of telling him his kids have "no chance in hell" of getting a job they've applied for, it's just rude and unnecessary.

DS incidently does tend to have the gift of the gab and has got every job he's ever sat interview for, even one where they didn't have the right hours for him so they amended the contract to get him in!! Ok so it was only in a bakery but still, he IS good in interviews and he's going all out for this one including making a portfolio which they have not asked for.

I'm under no delusion that it's going to be difficult but whilst he has an interview, shouldn't we remain positive and optimistic??

OP posts:
upthegardenpath · 08/06/2017 15:01

Good on your DS.
So long as he does his best and shines as much as he can, then it's all great experience, whether he gets the job or not.
If he is even bothering to research the company, that's a;ready a huge plus, as many people wouldn't bother.
So he is a typical 18 y.o. who wants to get a good job - a bit of optimism, confidence and enthusiasm will go far!

SquidgeyMidgey · 08/06/2017 15:01

Your DH needs to shut up, good luck to your son.

KoalaDownUnder · 08/06/2017 15:02

As if companies waste their time interviewing people who have no chance of getting the job! Your DH is the clueless dick if he believes that.

Carollocking · 08/06/2017 15:02

So hope your so gets the job and makes husband look the prat he's acting

Carollocking · 08/06/2017 15:03

Your son

PaulDacresFeministConscience · 08/06/2017 15:05

Oh and as a hiring manager I would look very favourably on someone who was well prepared, keen and enthusiastic - even if they didn't have all of the technical skills and experience that I was looking for.

My last hire had almost no experience in the field, but was very bright, passionate and demonstrated real interest in the subject. I could tell it was genuine because she'd researched what she could and asked several questions which made it clear that she'd done as much reading up as she could manage. I can teach someone the technical, but I can't teach them the behaviours - they are either there or they aren't. Personality is one of the biggest factors that I consider when hiring - are you going to slot into the team, are you going to pull your weight, do you really care about doing this job? If you do then that's brilliant, because me and the team can fill in your knowledge gaps and if you are as bright and engaged as you seem to be, then you'll apply yourself and pick things up quickly anyway.

Best of luck to your DS next Tuesday. I sincerely hope your 'D'H ends up eating humble pie.

CJCreggsGoldfish · 08/06/2017 15:06

Well done to your son! You're DH is being a dick. I'd try to counter your DH as much as possible, and whilst you don't want fill your DS with false hope, I'd offer to sit with him and go through interview questions etc to get as much practise as possible. Have a think about questions he'd like to ask them too. Good luck to him - I really hope he proves your DH wrong.

LorLorr2 · 08/06/2017 15:08

He's either envious, or maybe trying to keep everyone from getting their hopes up in case there's disappointment?
You know him better than us so you can probably tell the best.

ILostItInTheEarlyNineties · 08/06/2017 15:16

Of course your son should be encouraged and congratulated in getting an interview.

However, you do mention that ds has "delusions of grandeur" so perhaps your dh is trying to bring him back to earth a little and protect him from the disappointment of frequent rejections...? (albeit in a clumsy insulting way).

There's no harm in encouraging your son to take a more menial job to start earning money whilst still applying for his dream job.

BarbarianMum · 08/06/2017 15:19

I agree he's being U but if your ds doesn't get the job, how much longer does he get to sit on his arse indulging his delusions?

burdog · 08/06/2017 15:21

Encourage him, if he doesn't get it and he gets constructive feedback why and it's because he doesn't have the experience then it might help him reign in his ideas a bit. Your DH's approach will just make your DS dig his heels in further.

Westfacing · 08/06/2017 15:23

Assuming it's a legitimate company and not just an agency who want another name on the books, I think your son at age 18 has done very well in getting an interview.

I do so hope he gets the job - at least he's in with a chance, as so many applicants often don't even get a reply.

And yes, you husband is being a prat but I think you must know that already.

Please return and let us know how the young fella gets on.

WooWooSister · 08/06/2017 15:26

Your DH is being an arse. I wonder if he's one of those people who try to steal the sunshine from everything. He sounds like an ex bf of mine. I applied for my dream job and he went on and on about how I wouldn't get it. Blah, blah, blah. I got the job and left him around the same time. People like that are soul-destroying.

Original poster
GoingSouthThisYear · 08/06/2017 15:27

I'll let you know how he gets on. Just to add though he isn't sitting on his arse as someone has suggested, he is working part time and doing a-levels.

OP posts:
StayAChild · 08/06/2017 15:30

Like a pp said, they don't interview just anyone. Applicants need to fit the brief to get an interview, so well done to your son. His application and CV must have been up to scratch. There's a lot of young talent in IT and perhaps the company wants to catch them young?

The fact he's researched the company and is preparing a portfolio is fantastic. I would say he's as much chance as anyone else of being successful. If he researches interview questions in the appropriate IT field that will be even better.

Best of luck to him. He needs encouragement not knocking down before he's even tried. Tell your DH to shut his cake hole!

Racmactac · 08/06/2017 15:36

Best of luck to him.

alpacawhacker · 08/06/2017 15:40

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ToastyFingers · 08/06/2017 15:44

Best of luck to your DS, your husband is being quite nasty.

HOWEVER, I'd work on managing your son's sense of self importance, as the inexperienced but deluded types are the absolute worst to work with, and a little humility goes a long way as a new junior.

TheNoseyProject · 08/06/2017 15:45

I interview a lot. You only interview people over the bar - no one does a 'sympathy interview'!!

When you interview you're basically, if you've sifted right, sitting down with people who could all do the job and choosing who is the best.

AnnieAnoniMouse · 08/06/2017 15:47

How long have you been withCaptain Twat?

I'd have no problem with him saying he doubted DS would get it. ONCE. Then being proud of the effort he's putting in to get it & hoping for the best for him. But constantly going on about it & saying he won't have to think what to say because he won't get it, no way would I put up with that in my life. No way.

Anyway, it's good experience, he might well get a job there & if not it might be an outside source giving him advice about his place/value in the market. Which he's free to take on board or ignore.

I hope he gets the job for his own sake, but also I hope he gets it so you can tell dickhead to shove his negativity up his arse.

pigeondujour · 08/06/2017 15:48

It doesn't even sound that unrealistic. I was on £20k straight from A-levels. Your son sounds great and your DH sounds like a total jealous div.

diddl · 08/06/2017 15:49

He's got an interview he's got a chance-they're not interviewing him to wile away some time, are they?

He might not get it-he needs to be prepared for that, but there's no need to point out more than that, is there?

Greengirl3803 · 08/06/2017 15:50

I'd walk off when DH is negative - he'll soon learn he has no audience!

TinklyLittleLaugh · 08/06/2017 15:58

It has been my experience that bright unsupported kids have "delusions of grandeur".

Whereas bright supported kids have "ambitions and aspirations".

user1493059174 · 08/06/2017 16:01

He is needs all the help and encouragement you can give him. It is tough out there for these youngsters and its excellent he is setting his sights high. Good on him - even if he doesn't get this job he will have gained a huge amount from the interview. Ignore DH - so hope he gets it. Keep us posted