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Original poster

To think DH is being a prat about DS?

83 replies

GoingSouthThisYear · 08/06/2017 14:07

DS is 18 and tends to have a bit of delusion of grandeur. Example being that when applying for jobs he won't consider anything that is minimum or near minimum wage despite having no experience or qualification in his chosen field (IT).

So basically he's been applying for £20k a year jobs that he's unlikely to get. One being a £37k job working for BMW.

I've tried speaking to him and telling him he's being unrealistic and he needs to be applying for apprenticeships but he doesn't listen as he thinks he knows best.

Anyway, all of a sudden he got invited to interview for a £19k IT job. It's on Tuesday next week. He's over the moon and obviously so am I although I've told him there will be a lot of competition for it and he'll need to shine. He's now busy making a portfolio to present and studying the company etc. Good on him, I hope he gets it.

DH (not his dad) however has been nothing but negative about it saying he has no chance in hell of getting it, he's deluded, wasting his time (and their time) and needs a reality check. I've said that whilst I agree it's unlikely to go anywhere, we should be pleased he's got an interview and remain positive. DH has responded by saying there is nothing to remain positive about. He 100% won't get it he can guarantee it and DS needs to stop punching above his weight and look for more suitable jobs. None of this has been in earshot of DS but I'm getting really pissed off with it. He's got an interview, there must be something about him they like and it's NOT guaranteed to be a no-go is it!?

What's the harm in being optimistic and if it doesn't come off, fair enough. I wouldn't dream of telling him his kids have "no chance in hell" of getting a job they've applied for, it's just rude and unnecessary.

DS incidently does tend to have the gift of the gab and has got every job he's ever sat interview for, even one where they didn't have the right hours for him so they amended the contract to get him in!! Ok so it was only in a bakery but still, he IS good in interviews and he's going all out for this one including making a portfolio which they have not asked for.

I'm under no delusion that it's going to be difficult but whilst he has an interview, shouldn't we remain positive and optimistic??

OP posts:
hazeydays14 · 08/06/2017 16:08

I had an interview for a band 3 position a few weeks ago and they stopped my interview mid way through to ask why I hadn't applied for band 5 jobs because of my degree. I explained that the band 5 jobs state you have to have professional registration and I don't have that which is why I wanted to gain experience in a band 3 job.

They effectively told me then and there though why they even agreed to interview me is beyond me to apply for band 5 despite not having an 'essential' on the job spec. I did and now I have an interview.

I now wonder why I haven't been applying for these jobs all along. I think sometimes delusions of grandeur come in handy when job hunting, especially fresh out of school or uni.

You say he's studying and working PT so really at this stage applying for highly paid jobs isn't really doing him any harm. If he doesn't get this job then it might be a bit of a reality check to apply for lower paid jobs but for now he may as well shoot high I'd say!

Good luck to him and I hope he gets it, if only to prove your DH wrong! Grin

Brittbugs80 · 08/06/2017 16:09

Good for your DS for trying. I hope he does well at the interview. Even if he doesn't get the job, it's brilliant experience for him.

I think your DH is being unfair and sounds almost CV jealous. Life soon drags you down without your family doing it too.

LunaMay · 08/06/2017 16:10

Does your DH support him financially? Could that be why he wants him to be realistic about job choices?

Tenshidarkangel · 08/06/2017 16:11

Hi OP
Thought I'd post -
I started in IT as a trainee last year. No formal qualifications although had studied my CompTIA (Basic IT Tech qualification) - haven't officially taken it yet. My starting salary was 18k.
If they've invited him to interview they'll have seen his CV and liked what they saw.
Hope your son gets it and tell your DP to stop being a douche.

jammyjamjamjam · 08/06/2017 16:14

I would just tell him that jealously is ugly and walk away.

Also, unless your husband works in IT, its an industry he knows nothing about. £20k for IT doesn't sound shockingly high. I had a friend who dropped out of uni and after 2 months of living on beans his parents were very insistent he come home, but just before he ran out of money he landed a job at £25k, his first job ever at 20 and now 3 years later he earns £35k.

we all like to believe earning a good wage comes from qualifications and hard work, but sometimes lucky bastards get their foot in the door, move up fast and suddenly are out earning the rest of us. Maybe your son will be one of them eh?

Your son already has a part time job and hasn't even finished his exams yet. He isn't in a rush to get "any" job, he may as well aim high.

In your position I would just wish him luck and be positive, but don't act like its a massive deal because if he's quite cocky and he doesn't get it, his pride will be a bit squashed.

If he doesn't get it, reassure him that interviewing is great practise. I did 12 interviews before I got a job. It was soul crushing but there was such a difference in my interview technique after the first 5 or so!

HappyFlappy · 08/06/2017 16:18

Even if he doesn't get it, attending interviews is good practice and you never know, he may just get it

Cocktail is right - he's getting valuable experience. And may even get a job!

Best of luck to him.

dontcallmethatyoucunt · 08/06/2017 16:22

Every interview he attends will be a great experience. To nail a job you've got to be match fit. Encourage him, coach him if you can, assist him. ... tell your DH to shut the fuck up.

Delusions of grandeur, or ambition?

loveyouradvice · 08/06/2017 16:54

the above... go for it! And then learn from it.... Fab and congratulate him on getting the interview as well as championing him in preparing for it the best he can....

DueOct30th · 08/06/2017 17:04

Am I missing something? Why would he not get the job? Assuming as he's 18 he has finished exams has gcse qualifications etc? 18-20k jobs seem reasonable starting salaries for a bottom/ lower level IT role!

Please tell DH have more confidence in your son. If you don't try you never know. I would be really angry if my DP was being like this.

Fluffypinkpyjamas · 08/06/2017 17:04

You DH is a twat and I would not be with someone who treated my DC like that. Good for your DS! Hope he gets it.

MiniCooperLover · 08/06/2017 17:13

OP, I apologise if I'm wrong but have you posted about your DH and his jealousy of your DS before ??

happypoobum · 08/06/2017 18:07

mini I was just thinking that.....................

InvisibleKittenAttack · 08/06/2017 18:26

Why would someone with A levels have to apply for minimum wage jobs? Surely 18-20k starting salary isn't unreasonable? Obviously if he doesn't get a higher paid job he'll have to try something lower paid, but if he's not at the "just take anything" stage, why not try for a job with more money and more prospects?

livefornaps · 14/06/2017 15:28

How was the interview??

SilverDragonfly1 · 14/06/2017 15:46

So he's already working and still doing A-levels! I do get a bit sniffy about teenagers feeling too good for starter roles, but he is already in the workforce and showing real drive and determination so I think he deserves the job he wants. Good luck to him.

(My son also has the gift of the gab and has already got one role he wasn't really 'qualified' for and is now well into the round of interviews for another just because people like him!)

Groupie123 · 14/06/2017 16:18

In some industries 19k is a low wage - for example most banking IT jobs (entry) I recruit have a starting of 20k as a minimum.

Groupie123 · 14/06/2017 16:18

Doesn't mean my standards go up suddenly. I'm expecting a youngster at 20k

HungerOfThePine · 14/06/2017 16:38

It sounds like he has great drive op and if he has got as far as an interview then that's great, if he doesn't get the job he will gain knowledge and experience from it. It's important he asks for feedback if that becomes the case as will help modify his expectations. Your dp is being a twat.

5foot5 · 14/06/2017 17:01

I wouldn't dream of telling him his kids have "no chance in hell" of getting a job they've applied for, it's just rude and unnecessary.

So how old are your DH's DCs? Could he be afraid of comparisons if your DS does better?

He sounds like a bright motivated lad. Just wondered whether he was considering Uni or whether he just wants to get out in to the workforce.

If he is successful (and I hope he is) do do what you can to make sure he doesn't look down on people in less well paid jobs

RatherBeRiding · 14/06/2017 17:04

Please let us know how he got on with his interview. Hope it went well and he got the job!

LadyMonicaBaddingham · 14/06/2017 17:10

Did he get the job, OP?

TaggieRR · 14/06/2017 17:13

Hope he got on well O0

anchor9 · 14/06/2017 17:17

What a dick. I hope he gets it Grin

Paddybare · 14/06/2017 17:23

Fingers crossed for him OP, looking forward to hearing how he got on.

Boomcack · 14/06/2017 17:27

Your DH coming across as a very nasty person. I have a friend who did a degree that on paper should have left her unemployed but because she has the gift of the fab and high self confidence she has managed to land almost every job she has gone for, although not in studied field. Every job has been better than the last. I would strongly nip your DH in the bud. He needs to shut up if he has nothing positive to say

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