Is it me or him? Freind is female incase it matters.

[Patriciathestripper1]

Live rural and go into town once a week to shop.
Before shopping I meet up with my one freind for a coffee. I don't see her any other time just the odd text.
I don't go out during the week so basically just doing home stuff and doing things with Dd and Dh.
Coffee takes a maximum of half an hour and sometimes we have s look around d shops but I'm always home for about 12 or 12.30 at latest.
Me and Dh always row when I say I'm having coffee with freind on a Thursday.
He always makes a point of ringing me asking me what I'm doing or where I am knowing full well I'm in the cafe.
He basically thinks I'm wasting time and money when we have loads of other stuff to do (his words).
Iwe argued about it this morning but I still went for coffee but cut it short and feel horrible now because of him.
He is making me doubt myself and feel guilty for going for a fucking coffee when yes we have things to do but nothing so urgent.
Is it me or him who is unreasonable?

Of course YANBU. You are entitled to meet your friend. Is he always this controlling?

He is. It seems very controlling of him to be doing this. Does he try to control you in other ways?

He's an unreasonable prick. Where are all of these arseholes coming from? Every second thread seems to be a man who is controlling/unreasonable/abusive/immature!

OP, tell him to fuck off. Seriously. You're a grown woman and you are entitled to organise your time and friendships in any way you see fit. It's one coffee a week and a short one at that. Twat.

Yanbu. He seems to be quite controlling. Is it just in this instance he is? Personally if my fiancé did that I'd tell him to bog off every time he phoned

It seems rather unreasonable, do you have money problems, could he be concerned about that? (1 coffee per week isn't that expensive surely). Do you go out to work?

Awful. Doesn't he ever spend time with other people?

Do you go out to work? I'm wondering how he'd cope with that. Does he go out to work?

That sounds so stifling. I couldn't live in someone else's pockets like that.

Does he never go out with his friends or go off and do his own thing for a couple of hours?

Why shouldn't you meet your friend for a coffee? Is he always this unreasonable?

He may be insecure rather than controlling. What is he really worried about?

Yes he suffers from what I call the 'I'm more important than any one else' syndrome.
Money is tight but I do work part time (with him) and we have a small business.

I know he dosnt like me having freinds as he makes sarcastic comments all the time like 'is that your buddy txting' but not said in a nice way. I just feel muserable and trapped right now.

Wow.

He is being so unreasonable I'm not sure there's and abbreviation good enough.

I think he's trying to control you.

You may have bigger issues than a coffee.

Yanbu

He's being a controlling knob. Of course you should be able to have a coffee with a friend

Loads of other stuff to do. Like what? Are you Farmers? (Only a random guess, rural living, going into town to shop, lots to do etc)

Yes brit but it's a small farm we don't produce for sale only ourselves. I'm on way home now sow won't be able to reply for a while but I know he will be having a go as soon as I get in about my time wasting.
If I had somewhere to go with Dd I'd be gone as that's how bad he makes me feel.

I'd be telling him to fuck off! My friend's 'D'H is like this, then she ends up sitting there having text arguments with him... put the phone down and ignore any calls.

I think there's more to this if you're saying you would leave if there was somewhere else to go. You need to sit down with him and discuss it.
Is he associating your annoyance with meeting with your friend rather than with his behaviour?
Does your friend pay her own way or are you always paying the bill?
Is he feeling insecure and thinks this friend is convincing you that your life would be better without him?

This isn't good OP, it's completely not normal behaviour. I go for coffee whenever with whomever I want, I wouldn't run it past DP other than "oh I'll be home late" or, if I want a lift somewhere. This is very sad, couples should be able to do their own things. Is there a possibility of you getting a job outside your farm? It sounds like he's too used to expecting you to be at home all the time.

Narcissistic control freak.

Hell would freeze over before I'd stay with a man who behaved like this. Fuck that.

Can't help feeling bad for women in relationships like this, because I wonder what kind of life they had in their childhood to make them put up with a man like this.

Don't know what to suggest except LTB. If you don't, then be prepared for a shit life full of doing what he wants you to do, and for the the whole family doing what HE wants. Because he will NEVER change.

Don't end up an embittered and regretful middle aged woman who spent her life with the wrong man, and knowing life and all the happiness you could have had has, has passed you by, and there is fuck-all you can do about it.

I am sure the usual 'oh but he's a good dad' chestnut will come up any time now.

Agree with Ravenblack. Narcissist and a control freak.

That's how mine started. Ended in violence.

You're a grown woman. You know it's not reasonable.

jam he once said there is no point having a freind unless they are useful to you. Dd is 10 and I've challenged him when he has said stuff like that infront of Het as I think it will damage her view of her own friendships.
run we both pay for our own coffee.
happy I've applied for a job with our local authority but it will only be a minimal hours contract. The interviewer said there will be work up to 40 hours a week if wanted but he has already told me not to take a minimal hour contract (it's 7hrs a week) as what will I do if work just stick to my 7hrs and that it won't be worth all the upheaval at home with Dd etc... for just 7hrs.
I know he has control issues but I don't know how to handle them and we end up arguing.

raven no I don't think he is a good dad anymore. He is like a child at times, breaks promises and spoils days out.

He's being a cunt.