To ask people not to tickle my baby?

[troodiedoo]

LO is 11 weeks old. Family members keep poking, prodding and grabbing her, trying to make her laugh. This makes me angry. It's a reflex reaction and doesn't mean she's happy.

I want her to grow up in control of her own body and who touches it.

AIBU?

and how best to tell people this? They will probably be on the defensive when their behaviour is questioned.

is dd your first?

Babies need touch and stimulation even from 11 weeks old.

Imo you are being unreasonable!!!

People grabbing your baby? who? Seems odd that someone would grab a baby unless they are mentally compromised in some way

I'm wondering how ababy achieve being in control of their own body and who touches it?

I'm a baby tickler! (Just lightly! Would never poke or 'grab') I think it sounds lovely that people are so engaged and interested in her. I'd be mortified with embarrassment if someone told me to stop giving their baby affection, would make me feel horrible.
I'm expecting my first baby in December and really hoping I just enjoy the attention of having close family and friends cooing over the baby.

Wow

Unless there's a drip-feed coming, I think YABU. I'm assuming this is your first, if your daughter ever has siblings, believe me they will be poked and prodded even more....

I think YABU it would be different if they were strangers in street but they aren't.

I wouldn't like this with such a small baby either. There's a difference between gently playing with a little baby and trying to get a reaction, which is nice and fun and like others have said, good for the baby, and poking and grabbing.

So presuming you're not using emotive language and they are actually being quite rough with her, YANBU.

Just wear her in a sling and tell them she's communicated to you psychically that she vants to be alone.

Some people do have the oddest ways of behaving around babies and small children. Both my PILs, parents of five children and grandparents to fifteen, had this bizarre habit of getting right in my newborn son's face, pinching his cheeks and roaring at the top of their lungs some repeated question, something like 'WHO'S GRANNY'S BOY? WHO'S GRANNY'S LITTLE BOY?? WHO IS???'' as if they were planning to keep going until he replied.

They hated my breastfeeding ('pretentious' and 'fake posh', apparently), I realised later because their embarrassment at his proximity to my nipple meant they had to interrupt their campaign of shouting inane questions at a newborn.

Wow indeed. You are right op, people will be on the defensive when their innocent, affectionate behaviour is questioned. However you have just had a baby so they will probably excuse you. Can i ask how an 11 week old baby can be in control of her body? I assume she needs her nappy changed, needs to be burped etc. Yabu

I know what you mean op, but babies don't have autonomy. If nobody touched a baby they would not have access to nutrition, hygiene, warmth etc, so the boundaries are different to an older child, or adult.
Of course you only want her to have loving touch, what is it about the quality of touch that you don't like? Are your relatives not being sensitive enough? She needs stimulation, it is the only way she has to connect at the moment. Of course if they make her cry, you can tell them to stop.

As she gets older you can teach her ownership of her body, and autonomy, appropriate touch etc, the NSPCC have some great resources for this.
Enjoy your baby op, and best of luck with her.

I guessed people would assume pfb. But no its my second. Dd1 is 18.

Plenty of other ways to touch, engage and make a baby smile, that's all I'm saying.

Re: drip feeding. do have my own issues yes. People are going to guess that when I tell them aren't they

And I love floral tributes idea of keeping her in a sling!

Well don't make your issues your babies issue?

That's projecting and it's not helpful to her

Obviously I'm happy for people to hold and cuddle her.

I know a baby is not in control of her body. I am though until she can speak for herself. And I want to set boundaries from the start.

Thanks all for your replies, interesting.

Precious, much?

Babies thrive on touch. Are they actually grabbing the baby or just touching the baby with gentle appropriate touches but you know asking people to stop touching your baby would be ridiculous whereas grabbing is unacceptable and should be stopped?

You're in danger of making your issues hers.

I understand what you mean, OP. I also understand why so many other posters disagree. This is an interesting article that I think helps explain both sides:
mom.me/kids/33502-why-tickling-your-child-not-ok/
For any other posters that want to respond to OP with an eyeroll and "how ridiculous" - try to read the article with an open mind to understand that tickling can be fun for you (the person doing it) but just because someone's involuntary reaction is to laugh doesn't mean they always like it too.

I think grabbing a baby carelessly isn’t nice and could hurt them so you would be right to ask people not to do this. I think tickling hands/feet or blowing raspberries on their tummy (this one when a bit older maybe). is absolutely fine.

Don't know if it's true but my dad always told me never to tickle a baby's feet as they might get a stammer!!!!!

If no one bothered with the baby you would be bleating on about that. Maybe just a little word such as ooooh don't get dd so excited it gives her hiccups and then she is sick etc would work nicely.

I totally agree and feel uncomfortable with family members constantly tickling my five month old. I remember as a child absolutely hating being tickled...there are other ways to show a baby attention and affection!!

first baby OP?

Can't be bothered to read the whole thread @shinyredbus?