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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to teach these self entitled brats a lesson?

65 replies

Meadowflowers · 08/06/2017 08:03

I have 3dsc and 3dc. The 3 younger go to bed at 9pm and the 3 oldest 10pm. Just lately though the 3 oldest go up and they are so loud loud and downright obnoxious that they waken the other 3dc. They seem to just expect that because they are teenagers it's they're right to all these privileges e.g staying up late, pocket money for sitting on their backsides and not helping in the house at all.
So AIBU to teach them some manners by making them all go to bed at 9pm and earning back the privilege of staying up until 10pm. If they're not settled and asleep by 10 then they go to bed at 9 the following night.
Last night I went in at 12.30am to tell them to go to sleep and they'd stripped they're bed down and made a den with the sheets. On a holiday night or weekend i wouldn't mind but I'm now exhausted as a result of they're immaturity! 2 of the 3 oldest are my dsc and after school they come home, eat and go to sleep for 3 hrs until dinner time. I've said for months this needs to stop. I know I'm in for some nastiness from them but I feel they do need teaching a lesson. Wwyd?

OP posts:
pudcat · 08/06/2017 08:11

I would not feed them when they come home from school, but make them wait til dinnertime. Or if they must eat early make that their dinner and not feed them later. I would be making enough noise and giving them jobs/activities to do to keep them awake. Going to sleep for 3 hours early evening is not on. I would also get them up in the mornings at 6am. There will be nastiness but take away screens, pocket money etc to combat this. How old are they?

Babbaganush · 08/06/2017 08:21

Well they are not going to go to sleep by 10pm if you allow them to sleep for 3 hours after school!!!! That should be the first thing you address.....................

SoupDragon · 08/06/2017 08:24

It might be more effective to tell them you will change the wifi password unless they go to bed on time and quietly and they won't get it back until they go to bed on time and quietly.

Mine seem to understand the wifi threat. It's a bit of a PITA but it worked for me.

Brokenbiscuit · 08/06/2017 08:29

Is it really a privilege to stay up until 10pm? Surely the question is about how much sleep they need. Which won't be much if they're sleeping for 3 hours before dinner!

Why don't they help at home and what have you done to try and address that?

Funnyface1 · 08/06/2017 08:32

Yes I think they will continue to take things for granted unless you show them the importance of things. With so many children to look after it must be hard but I agree to putting some boundaries in place now. You are right, you won't be popular for a short while but it will be better for all of you.

pilates · 08/06/2017 08:37

Yes do it and knock the sleeping when they get home off, no wonder they don't want to go to sleep at a normal time.

IfYouGoDownToTheWoodsToday · 08/06/2017 08:37

Theu should be doing homework or clubs etc, after school, not having a 3 hour sleep.

I think your idea is a good one actually, they go up at 9 and for every night they are quiet adm well behaved the get to go 10 minutes later the next night. If they don't behave they stay at 9 o'clock.

I woudl also be switching off Wifi from 8.30 every single night.

bigmack · 08/06/2017 08:38

In the teenage years sleep patterns shift so that teens aren't ready to fall asleep until later.
How old are the eldest teens?

chocatoo · 08/06/2017 08:38

Agree: boundaries definitely needed and no sleeping when they get in. They are behaving like young children so need to be treated as such. Def change the wifi and phones to be left at the door. I think 10pm is reasonable so I prob wouldn't alter that but I would stop pocket money until they help a little around the house.

bigmack · 08/06/2017 08:40

They are probably sleeping after school because they are tired due to poor sleep habits. I wonder if their school work is also suffering?
Going to bed when you are wide awake is not a good idea for anyone. They are going to bed too early.

Seeline · 08/06/2017 08:44

How old are they?

I agree - no sleep after school Shock

they come in, do their homework, have dinner, do chores and then if there is time, they can watch TV/play on computer etc until bed time.

If they wake up anyone, then bed time is 30 minutes earlier the next night.
Is your DP on board with this approach otherwise it won't work.

Coddiwomple · 08/06/2017 08:47

They should be doing some kind of sport, or job after school, (homework too to be fair), not sleep for 3 hours, no wonder they are not tired!

First thing I would do is not leave them lounge around or sleep in the afternoon! Once that's taken care of, I would be happy with them reading quietly or studying until 10, but would not tolerate any noise waking up the others! If they do, removal of pocket money and various privileges until they get the message.

RoganJosh · 08/06/2017 08:51

How old are they all? I can't quite work it out without rough ages.

BeyondThePage · 08/06/2017 08:52

How old are they? Are you in the UK?

Present a united front. "We have decided...." and go with it.

Original poster
Meadowflowers · 08/06/2017 08:56

Dh is the soft one. He gives in. His dc go to him when I'm not in the room and manipulate him into giving in. He's the one who allows the 3hr sleep after school saying they need it. With 6dc though I need sleep as Well.
I'm glad I asked now actually as I thought I was over reacting through lack if sleep. I'm exhausted with them. We don't have Wi-Fi. They use they're phones but we do have a phone ban at bedtime. They all get left downstairs on charge. They do have tablets upstairs though. I brought it all up on the way to school and there was an almighty argument from dd. She said why should she respect me when obviously I don't respect Her!
I am not joking now but I do everything for them. Take them everywhere they need to go, buy them everything they need, when they need it. I bake and cook homemade ameals everyday. I do try to talk to them every day but get met with grunts. They are 13 yrs ok and they 2 oldest are both 15.
D's also said "fine I'm not babysitting for you anymore then" dh and I both work Friday and Saturday night so she looks after 2 of the dc. The others go to their mum at the weekend.

OP posts:
Original poster
Meadowflowers · 08/06/2017 08:57

Sorry, dd said about not babysitting. She gets paid for this.

OP posts:
50ShadesOfEarlGrey · 08/06/2017 08:59

Boundaries now, or in a few years time you will have 6 teenagers all behaving the same way. I have never heard of children sleeping for three hours after school TBH. How do they do their homework?
Can you get them interested in after school clubs/sports etc. They seem a bit directionless and I think that's what causes mischief and unrest.
I can't imagine it's easy having 6 children, doesn't seem to be much input from DP? They needs to be totally on board and playing their part to help you through this.

Coddiwomple · 08/06/2017 09:01

10pm is fine for a 15 year old, most parents would be happy if theirs were going to sleep at that time.

However, totally ridiculous to let them sleep in the afternoon, at that age they should be too busy to be home after school in the first place!

It sounds like you need to sleep first with your DH. He's not doing them any favour at all.

LouBlue1507 · 08/06/2017 09:02

How old are they?

Coddiwomple · 08/06/2017 09:02

you need to *SPEAK with your DH
(I need sleep too)

Original poster
Meadowflowers · 08/06/2017 09:03

This is the same dd I took to see Ed Sheeran in Manchester with a meal and shopping beforehand just over a month ago!

OP posts:
highinthesky · 08/06/2017 09:06

If they act like children, treat them like children.

Change your position the second they show a little maturity and thoughtfulness, and they will respond in kind.

50ShadesOfEarlGrey · 08/06/2017 09:06

Sorry OP, cross posted re your partner. Well there's the issue, you are run ragged, and he's the soft one so they aren't taking any notice if you. No, they don't need three hours sleep after school, they need to get up,off their arses, and have an expected routine and level of behaviour.
Explain to DD that if she doesn't babysit, (although hope the boys are also expected to take their turn in this ) then you don't work, so don't earn money for phones, clothes, etc. Her decision.
Unfortunately, if DP doesn't shape up they probably won't listen.

LizzieMacQueen · 08/06/2017 09:08

No wifi. I've heard of families with no tv but never heard of one without wifi.

Original poster
Meadowflowers · 08/06/2017 09:08

15yr old dss used to compete worldwide in gymnastic until a year ago when he quit. Since then he'd not done one day exercise and is rebelling against everything apart from sleeping. I'm really not enjoying being a parent at the minute. I can't believe how rude and nasty dd has turned with me just lately.

OP posts:
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