Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to teach these self entitled brats a lesson?

65 replies

Meadowflowers · 08/06/2017 08:03

I have 3dsc and 3dc. The 3 younger go to bed at 9pm and the 3 oldest 10pm. Just lately though the 3 oldest go up and they are so loud loud and downright obnoxious that they waken the other 3dc. They seem to just expect that because they are teenagers it's they're right to all these privileges e.g staying up late, pocket money for sitting on their backsides and not helping in the house at all.
So AIBU to teach them some manners by making them all go to bed at 9pm and earning back the privilege of staying up until 10pm. If they're not settled and asleep by 10 then they go to bed at 9 the following night.
Last night I went in at 12.30am to tell them to go to sleep and they'd stripped they're bed down and made a den with the sheets. On a holiday night or weekend i wouldn't mind but I'm now exhausted as a result of they're immaturity! 2 of the 3 oldest are my dsc and after school they come home, eat and go to sleep for 3 hrs until dinner time. I've said for months this needs to stop. I know I'm in for some nastiness from them but I feel they do need teaching a lesson. Wwyd?

OP posts:
someonestolemynick · 08/06/2017 09:08

I wouldn't make it about when they sleep as long as they get enough sleep in total. The problem is not that they nap during the day and then stay up till midnight, it's the fact that they keep the younger ones awake. So tackle this: sit them down and spell out the problem and explain why it is one. Then ask them how they can reduce the noise. Loud music? Head phones! Banging doors and cupboards? A promise to be more careful and a helpful reminder every time there is a bang? Loud talking? Agreement to only whisper in the hallway! Find what works for you.

Give them a week to sort it out and tell them what you will do (move their bedtime forward) if it's still a problem.

Wallywobbles · 08/06/2017 09:11

Get an app like OurPact and block their phones.

Every job you do for them needs to be returned time wise. So you spend an hour chauffeuring you need that time back.

There is also a book I bought off another thread that links chores to money. I'll try and find it.

Toysaurus · 08/06/2017 09:11

Not really the point, but I always thought it was unsafe to leave mobiles charging alone at night.

chocatoo · 08/06/2017 09:11

I am sure that she will babysit rather than lose the money she is paid. However, I would organise another babysitter this weekend. Use an agency if you can't find anyone else. Sorry to say but they sound very spoilt.

ArseyTussle · 08/06/2017 09:13

OP, you're living in some sort of alternate universe, and when you have this sorted you'll look back on this with amazement. It sounds like you've become some sort of domestic staff.

Kids sleeping after school is bizarre. They wouldn't need this if they were getting enough proper night time sleep. After school should be homework/clubs/hanging out with friends/doing whatever jobs all members of the family do etc etc

No point in taking their phones away at night if they're allowed tablets, both are overstimulating at bed time.

Pay another babysitter.

You need DH onside. Surely having had kids for a while and been in a relationship before it won't be news to him that effective parents need to be united. I presume if you're at home baking and cooking he is out at work. Being charitable I'm wondering whether perhaps he doesn't realise what it's like at home post-school, but more likely he isn't engaging properly with you as a DH and a parent.

Without DH onside this will be really hard, as his kids will resent you bringing in new rules, and your kids will be embarrassed that you are being the bad guy.

Coddiwomple · 08/06/2017 09:15

if they don't want to exercise, they can get a job, doing pocket money work. I wouldn't have a 15 year old slobbing in the house after school!

Louiselouie0890 · 08/06/2017 09:35

Ha I'd be making them go to bed at 8 till they learned some respect

Original poster
Meadowflowers · 08/06/2017 09:41

DH is at home with me as well, so he does see what's happening. I work during the week in school hours.
We don't have Wi-Fi as we don't need it. They all have phones with data, when they use it up, they don't have internet. I have data on my phone which they can use for homework. We just don't have a need for home Wi-Fi. I've realised that they should have no electric devices in their room at all.

OP posts:
PovertyPain · 08/06/2017 09:43

If your husband is the one prat letting them sleep, then why are you the one that goes in to tell them to shut up and go to bed. Kick his arse out of bed and get him to do it. Ffs sake talk about a Disney dad!

Haffiana · 08/06/2017 09:44

Your issue is with your partner and you should be angry with him. Do not blame the children for the faults of your DH and because you are taking the easy option of disciplining them rather than confronting your partner. They will know exactly that that is what you are doing and they will get out of it because you have not ensured that DH is onside and supporting you.

ArseyTussle · 08/06/2017 09:49

Blimey, so you have 8 people in the house from after school until the next morning? I can see why this is driving you potty. What does your DH do while the older ones are sleeping and you're doing house stuff like cooking?

sticklebrix · 08/06/2017 09:50

I'm a huge fan of the Screentime app. It's the nuclear option, but in your case I would install it and only unlock phones/tablets for the day if they went to bed without waking anyone the night before and completed jobs, homework etc.

YANBU about wanting to install better boundaries.

FannyFanakapan · 08/06/2017 09:56

Natural consequences:

You are too tired to take them here and there,
Too tired for sex or housework or meals.
You will pay someone else to babysit.

But wait - extra money on ready meals and babysitters leaving the house means we have to cut back on non essentials. Like phone contracts with large data packages.

Used up all your data - oops, sorry, I used all mine too as I was up half the night mumsnetting because I couldnt sleep. Ah well, homework will have to be done after school in the library.

Mummyoflittledragon · 08/06/2017 10:11

As a teen I used to fall asleep at random times some of the time and needed a lot of sleep as teens do. This 3 hour habit isn't beneficial to anyone. Boundaries definitely required. If they're oh so tired, it would be better for you as parents to encourage them to stay awake as opposed to the napping and have a 9pm bedtime. And yes, helping you out seems like a no brainer with so many people in the house. I also like natural consequences.

pudcat · 08/06/2017 10:21

You are too tired to take them here and there,
Too tired for sex or housework or meals.
I did this once. Came home from work on a Friday night after doing the weekly shop. Hubby who had been made redundant and was supposed to be the cook and gardener had done nothing, Son who had dropped out of college and was supposed to be my cleaner had done nothing. So I threatened to go on strike unless the house was cleaned and cooking done. It worked.

OfaFrenchmind2 · 08/06/2017 10:22

I am a bit split tbh. Your restrictions on electronics and wifi are bonkers. Just to know, how much data do they have each?
Their 3 hour nap does not make sense either.
Weird parenting, but to each their own I guess.

Original poster
Meadowflowers · 08/06/2017 10:25

I've just had a full blow out with dh as well so he is now fully in the picture and knows what's happening. I've told him what the rules are going to be. As usual he's put all the blame on my dd which tbf she was the worst thus morning but I've pointed out all 3 are behaving like young children, so all 3 will be treated the same.
In answer to Arsey, whilst I'm cooking, he's laid on the sofa watching tv.
My 15yr old dss doesn't babysit as he's at his mum's when we work. However when it's bank holiday Sunday and I should be working I have to take the night off as their mum goes out and dss refuses to babysit. He says it's my problem as I'm the parent!

OP posts:
Creampastry · 08/06/2017 10:26

3 hour nap! Wtf!!!

DancingLedge · 08/06/2017 10:27

You've put him in the picture?
Has he been living elsewhere?

DancingLedge · 08/06/2017 10:29

Teens are incredibly hard work, blended must multiply the dynamics.

But brats? Be angry, if that helps. But try not to label them as brats. Not even in your own head.

Coddiwomple · 08/06/2017 10:40

why not? I have referred to my toddler as a little brat when he was one. Sometimes they are, and it's our fault!

Original poster
Meadowflowers · 08/06/2017 11:09

My exh provides the mobile contracts for them. My 15yr old dd has 20gb a month. Dsc mother provides their contracts. Dss data is unlimited and dsd had 8gb a month and uses her brothers hotspot. I couldn't afford mobile contracts for them all. I don't agree with the 3 hour naps after school which is the point in trying to make. It's my dss and dsd who have these naps. I've told dh I don't agree with them which is why I've now stepped in.

OP posts:
Original poster
Meadowflowers · 08/06/2017 11:49

Dh wasn't involved in what happened this morning as the younger one and him were in bed. (School closed for voting) I had all this out with the dc downstairs out of the way so they weren't disturbed. I took them to school then came back and told dh about what had happened. He was asleep last night when I made the den discovery also. By his own admission it's always me who seem to be the disciplinarian. Good cop, bad cop. Bad step mum. All that. He has always been soft on them since their mum walked out on them all 9yrs ago. Now it's bitten him!

OP posts:
paddlenorapaddle · 08/06/2017 15:31

It's hasn't bitten him though is it you're the one it's biting

BewareOfDragons · 08/06/2017 15:40

Can you go stay with friends for a week and tell DH to sort them out, since he doesn't seem to think their (failure to adhere to a sensible sleeping) schedule or behaviour is a problem? Seriously.

Tell him they are his problem to sort for a week, because you are exhausted and done doing everything for everybody and being walked all over for your efforts. Let him parent them solo for a bit.