Porn left in a child's room

[Iris65]

My parents kept a bookcase of lots of types of books in my bedroom when I was a child. I was a voracious reader and had read The Story of O and a series of old fashioned porn books all called 'Confessions of....' by the time I was 12. I also read some pretty nasty horror at around the same time.
I grew up in a dysfunctional family, and although that behaviour feels wrong; I would never have left stuff like that around my own son for example; I can't gauge how wrong it is.
Can anyone help me out in understanding whether this is abusive or neglectful parenting?

utterly utterly abusive.

Sorry OP.

I read the story of O when I was about 18 and I found it fairly hard going. At 12 ....

What were they thinking? It wasn't just neglectful. It was abusive. Sorry OP. Hope you are ok.

You must have felt so unsafe through your childhood.

I don't know; I nicked loads of inappropriate books off of my parents' shelf when they weren't around and voraciously read them before I could get caught.

I can't see this as abusive; maybe not the most sensible parenting but it's hardly neglect.

it's hardly neglect.

It is neglect. It's neglecting their parental duties to keep her safe from adult material.

They failed to do that on a spectacular level.

I'd say it's neglect because they failed to keep their daughter from such material.

It's sexual abuse if they knowingly left the books there.

What, so books with sex scenes should be locked away in households where there are children? Don't be daft.

Sex scenes in books are probably one of the ways that young teenagers start to learn what it's all about.

I think it sounds as though they simply didn't think you'd be capable and then when you were...they'd probably forgotten it was there.

Unless there are other incidents of innapropriate behaviour of course?

By 11 I was marauding my older brother's books and had read a LOT of Stephen King and James Herbert.

By 12/13, I had read most of Kurt Vonnegut, including Slaughterhouse 5. The story of O. I was corresponding with a high profile serial killer, reading Murder in Mind, in fact my parents paid for the subscription. I would not call it abuse, I was allowed to take out books I wanted at the library without them being overly concerned, they just knew I read a lot, talked about books, my English teacher thought it was great as he enjoyed Vonnegut and Kafka too.
What do you think your parents could/should have done?

I remember stealing my mum's Jackie Collins books when I was about that age. Also my house is full of books - there are bookcases in every room. In many of them (outside of the children's rooms) there are books with 'adult' themes. Not trashy or salacious but explicit in places undoubtedly. I don't consider that I am utterly abusive.

These aren't books with adult themes in a random bookcase, they were in her bedroom.

More than neglectful too me - really wrong :(

They knew and encouraged my voracious reading and often removed and added books from the bookcase.
Unfortunately it was in the comtext of verbal and physical abuse between my parents and towards me. I also had a Grandfather about whom my Aunt told me to never been on my own with and that she said made her uncomfortable.
As for the comments about nicking book from parents' shelves and that the material should be hidden - it is not the same thing. This was a bookcase in my room and I think most people do keep that kind of stuff away from children?

Yeah, the difference is that the Story of O is a BDSM story... on a bookcase in a child's room.

She didn't just sneak a look at a softcore scene in a random book.

Absolutely neglect.

Well OP there's obviously a context for this in which you consider the books part of a bigger, worse picture.

In the context of a normal loving family I see no issue, but it doesn't sound like that's what you experienced.

These were explicitly porn, not just 'trashy' or novels with the occasional sex scene. They also knew I had terrible nightmares but still my Dad would give me a horror novels.
When I was 17 my mother introduced me to a man twice my age (who had money) and she made me go out with him. They allowed him to come to the house at 10.30/11pm collect me and take me to his house. My mother hoped he would marry me eventually. He was also physically and verbally abusive. When I finally divorced after his conviction for beating me she invited him to stay with them. She regarded his behvaiour as normal.
I still have a hard time separating what is abuse and what isn't - hence this thread.

Sorry you feel this way on reflection OP. Did you ever speak to your aunt as you grew older? Are you in contact with parents to talk about it or maybe professional who can help you just get things in order. There seems to be a lot that has gone on.
Did you find the reading an escape from the reality of home life?

Were you 'forced' to marry your exH/the older man? Do you live with parents now? Maybe try writing things down, what you know is definitely abusive and put things into order,write how you felt if you are able, take this book to therapy to get your answers, if you can.
Forcing anyone to do something is abusive especially in the context of your post! I hope you feel less restricted and confused now OP

Thanks Bee.
I think its come to mind again because I am going through more tough times and my Dad is very ill. Its like pulling a thread which works loose and then a whole lot of other stuff re-emerges.
I wasn't 'forced' to marry per se, bit it was clear that was what my mother wanted and I also felt that to put things right I had to marry him. I became a Catholic while I was seeing him and my Mother's family are very judgemental and prudish. It is such a messy picture really because despite behaving the way she did she also criticised people for getting divorced and for sleeping around. When I was 16 she chased me around the house with a knife once for staying out late! I became hysterical and had to have an emergency dr to sedate me - called by my younger sister who also locked me in my room to protect me from my mother.
I tried to delay the marriage because I was starting to see how wrong things were but my mother lost her temper and went on and on about the money that had been spent. I stood at the altar wishing I was anywhere but there.
I couldn't sleep and started thinking about those books and here's wehere I end up.

Sometimes the most random thought opens a can of worms and we can not think where to start...the more you post about your relationship with your mother and what you have been through, it definitely sounds abusive! At least your sister was helping you. Did she experience the same? Can you talk to her about this?
Why was your conversion to Catholicism important? For marriage?

Can you contact a GP for counselling services?

The whole picture is abusive. The individual elements are also abusive. Your parents had no boundaries.

My sister doesn't regard any of what we went through as abusive. But then she behaves in a very similar way - including letting her 12 year old daughter have her 17 year old 'boyfriend' sleep in the same bed. I ended up reproting her to SS for a number of things but she talked her way out of it all as she was a profesionnal who knew what to say.
My ex husband was Catholic. Mad isn't it?
I have had counselling, but as I say, I am close to another breakdown and so things have come back up. I see my GP today, but there's very little help available on the NHS. I can't afford private help as I have just been made redundant.

You've clearly managed to find a sense of what is and isn't acceptable, despite your chaotic start. Well done.it must have been very painful. Can you distance yourself for a while to protect yourself?

I think the book on its own is not a sign of abuse. Everything else sounds really awful.

I'm so glad you've escaped all of your abusers. I imagine very little of your childhood is normal. Your sister unfortunately is living the same life with her children. I would see placing these books in your bedroom as a type of grooming. The story of O was another part of the puzzle to keep you subservient, which will have helped when marrying you off. It sounds calculated to me.

Your parents are incredibly fucked up and ridiculously flawed. The best thing you can do for you is to stay away from your father. No phone calls, not visits. Try to sit with any guilt you may feel in the knowledge that he didn't feel guilt for abusing you verbally, physically, mentally and spiritually. In so doing, you are taking care of yourself and protecting you. Right now, the most important thing is to give yourself as much self care as possible for the rocky time you may have ahead as you continue to face your past. Be kind to yourself, not to your parents.

As for your sister and niece. I don't know what you can do for your niece apart from be there when she needs you, if you are able. And to do this, you first need to be there for yourself.

To the poster upthread, who talked about Jackie Collins. The story of O and JC books are very different in nature. I was reading similar to JC at 12. My aunt introduced me to the story of O when I was 16. Looking back, this wasn't really appropriate for someone so young. Her views will have been equally warped as she was sent to boarding school at 4 and her husband watched porn daily and frequented prostitues.

I remember gleefully reading The Joy of Sex having nicked it from my parents' bookshelf around the same age. I don't think it did me any harm. Actually it filled in some of the gaps left by my private-catholic-girls'-school's reproduction lessons!

Horror books would have damaged me more.

I've had issues with mental health and addiction and have an entire shelf in our study dedicated to books on it. You've made me think I should move those to a higher shelf.

That aside, your parents don't sound like they did a great job OP

I can't believe people are equating their parents having slightly racy books in other parts of the house with OP's parents putting The Story of O in her bedroom. It is an incredibly full-on BDSM book. It's not a book that has sex in it, it's a book about sex - extreme, violent, disturbing sex.

Sorry to hear about your childhood, OP. Your parents were definitely abusive and I think the books were part of that.

I remember me and my sister poaching my mom's "Joy of Sex" book from her bookcase every time she left the house from about the age of 10. We found it fascinating.

We also, from the age of 10 used to sneak downstairs most nights at about midnight because the Fantasy X channel showed a free 10 minute slot at that time and again, me and my sister were just curious about it all. We also used to watch the Graham Norton show "Carnal Knowledge" if anyone remembers that. There certainly wasn't anything perverse or abusive about what we were doing, we were just two curious young girls.