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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Should it be illegal for 1st cousins to marry?

555 replies

brasty · 06/06/2017 20:38

My DP's parents are 1st cousins, and DP has a genetic illness. Marrying your 1st cousin increases the chances of genetic illness. So I wonder if we should simply make it illegal for 1st cousins to marry? Obviously anyone married would stay so, it would only apply to new marriages.
AIBU?

OP posts:
disconnecteddrifter · 06/06/2017 21:33

Stop saying it's grim! They have already been posted saying that they are children first cousins. You're entitled to think that you would like to do it stop being so judgemental

CheeseQueen · 06/06/2017 21:33

Marrying your first cousins isn't illegal as far as I know in the UK (happy to be corrected though.)
Definitely should be though as it's just - ugh. Marrying into the same family, well not only are you going down the sick incest route, if you have children then you're increasing the risk of problems due to sharing some of the same genes.
Definite whiff of Jeremy Kyle material about it too, even if that does sound judgey.

AragornsManlyStubble · 06/06/2017 21:34

I should also point out that at no point were we judged or discouraged by the medical people we discussed this with. We were supported throughout. And no one even questioned it during the pregnancy.

Loopyloppy · 06/06/2017 21:34

Some US states allow it if one partner is sterilised. Others if genetic testing occurs beforehand. Others it's fine and others its a criminal offence.

Sandsnake · 06/06/2017 21:34

LRD I see your point but that is - as you say - mostly consigned to history. It also resulted in many aristocratic families suffering health problems as a result. I am not judging cousin marriages as bad per se; in general I couldn't care less who people love as long as it's consensual and both parties are happy. But, to me, the risk of resulting children being born with genetic conditions as a result of generations of close marriages is too high a price to pay in allowing it to continue.

gluteustothemaximus · 06/06/2017 21:35

And THIS is why I never reveal my parents are first cousins to anyone in RL.

And why I had the piss ripped out of me at school.

Loopyloppy · 06/06/2017 21:35

Or if one or both are over 55 or 65 it's allowed.

pinkmagic1 · 06/06/2017 21:37

I am not comfortable with it at all. It is just too close, you share the same grandparent fgs.
There is one branch of my Dh's family who have 2 generations of first cousin marriage. They have been lucky so far but are really playing with fire.

disconnecteddrifter · 06/06/2017 21:37

So many judge mental comments! Sick, grim, urgh. So so offensive as well as ignorant

WindyWednesday · 06/06/2017 21:37

I thought this really was illegal.

Before the big roads (motorways) were built where I live was very isolated and there are lots of genetic birth defects. Extra bits and bobs, baldness in women to name a few of the mildest problems.

I guess it's less common than it used to be in rural places.

PourquoiPas · 06/06/2017 21:38

One off marriages are not that likely to cause an issue, but when repeated within communities it gets more and more likely.

My friend is a children's community nurse in an urban area, and 3/4 of the children she sees are Pakistani, and have parents who are closely related. Several families have more than one severely disabled child due to being closely related.

It is a real issue, but it's hard to solve it without coming across as racist. I don't know what the solution is but I can't help but feel sorry for those poor children 😢

Waltermittythesequel · 06/06/2017 21:38

It turns my stomach. I can't understand it! There are literally billions of people in the world, there's no need!

BUT...I say that as someone who is relatively close to her cousins so I'm genuinely nauseated at the idea.

Aside from the genetic problem, posts like gluteus make me feel sorry for the children.

It's really very selfish.

Roomster101 · 06/06/2017 21:38

Two cousins in my family are married so I may be biased but I think it is fine as a one off. The problems only occur if the cousins keep marrying. If it is a one-off and no other cousins in the family have married the risk are hardly any higher than for other couples. The risk is probably far higher if parents are over 40 but nobody is suggesting banning older couples from becoming parents!

AcrossthePond55 · 06/06/2017 21:39

I don't think it should be illegal as there are situations where 1st cousins are not biologically related. There are four of us adopted amongst my cousins and there would be no reason we shouldn't be able to marry one of our other cousins if we were so inclined. But perhaps genetic testing and counseling should be required in marriages of 1st cousins where a blood relationship exists.

BWatchWatcher · 06/06/2017 21:40

The NHS have made a brochure
www.nuh.nhs.uk/handlers/downloads.ashx?id=21078

reawakeningambition · 06/06/2017 21:41

Ann Cryer MP was not "forced to resign" because of her views, comments or her excellent work which is remembered with fondness.

She was born in 1939: by 2010 she felt too old to carry on.

toomuchtooold · 06/06/2017 21:41

A PP quoted an increase in risk of birth defects from a baseline of 3% in the general population to 6% in children whose parents are first cousins. If you're going to start banning stuff based on a 6% risk, would you ban people from reproducing who have chromosomal abnormalities? I've got a balanced translocation, approx 15% chance of having a baby with Patau's syndrome. I was offered pregnancy screening and advice from the NHS but there was never the slightest suggestion that the decision to get pregnant was anyone's but mine. God, I mean, would you ban people with e.g. Down's Syndrome from having children?

deadringer · 06/06/2017 21:43

One of my best friends growing up married her first cousin, they didn't meet til they were in their early thirties at a family wedding. They had to go for counselling about genetics and hereditary diseases etc before they could marry. She explained to me that the issues are if there is a condition in the family, say heart disease, the likelihood if it being passed down is doubled. They are still happy together 20+ years later and have two healthy kids. My sister's best mate married her first cousin too, they had grown up in different parts of the world so didn't know each other either. They have two kids too and no issues whatsoever. It is weird though.

OhtoblazeswithElvira · 06/06/2017 21:44

A lot of people on this thread are equating 1st cousin marriage with
Forced marriages
Lack of openness in the British Pakistani community
Female oppression
Etc
They are not the same thing at all. A very prejudiced view.

A one-off cousin marriage gives children with 12.5% genetic material, which is not far off the % of a random match.

Also let me repeat it for pp who were shocked that marrying your cousin is legal in "countries you wouldn't expect" Hmm :

Cousin marriage is banned only in China, Taiwan, North Korea, South Korea and less than half USA states. Therefore it is perfectly legal everywhere else.

Figaro2017 · 06/06/2017 21:44

turns my stomach. I can't understand it

It turns my stomach how insensitive people can be.

Have you no idea how hurtful this is to people on this thread who this subject directly affects?

Waltermittythesequel · 06/06/2017 21:45

I just think if you need counselling and a genetics lecture before you DTD, you probably shouldn't be doing it!

sleeponeday · 06/06/2017 21:45

But they were assured by James Bond's predecessors that the Prince's "father" (the Queen's mother's brother) was "wholly abnormal" (which may have meant gay or impotent, nobody can know which) so there was no blood relationship; and there were several candidates for the honour of being the Prince's biological father.

Huh? The Prince Consort's father was a dirty old goat who shagged anything that moved. He had illegitimate kids, even. His wife was so miserable she had an affair herself, and he promptly divorced the poor woman and barred all contact with their children. Queen Victoria's ladies complained about his wandering hands! There was no question of his being virile. Incidentally, he also married his own niece, Antoinette, which nobody seemed to question either - Albert's stepmother was his own first cousin! No kids, fortunately.

Besides, nobody cared about first cousin marriages, at the time. Half of Victoria's grandchildren married their own first or second cousins. Her second daughter Alice, for example: eldest girl Victoria married her cousin Louis of Battenberg (father's brother's son). Son married his first cousin Victoria of Edinburgh (mother's brother's son). Next daughter married her first cousin once removed Sergei of Russia (great-Aunt's son). Next sister married her first cousin Henry of Prussia (mother's sister's son). And the youngest child was Alexandra of Russia, who married her second cousin Nicholas, after turning down the British heir (mother's brother's son) despite huge pressure from everyone, who thought it a marvellous idea.

That was just one of Victoria's nine children. Most of the royal families banned marriage to anyone who wasn't royal - they had to marry cousins, or not marry at all.

Rather amusingly, Victoria wanted one of her widowed son-in-laws to marry another daughter. She was put out to learn this wasn't possible under canon law - you couldn't marry your deceased wife's sister, at the time. You can understand why that puzzled her, given all the above!

Poirotspen · 06/06/2017 21:45

Thanks Reawakening. My mistake, I remember calls for her resignation and I thought she had stood down. I'm very pleased she didn't.

Maudlinmaud · 06/06/2017 21:45

I'm sorry for those who are offended by this thread. It must make difficult reading Flowers
No judgement from me just facts that I have had rl experience learning.
First cousin marriages are the result of culture and nobody should judge that or call it sick etc. But education does need to improve on these matters particularly genetic disease as a result of endogamy.

sleeponeday · 06/06/2017 21:46

Sorry, that should be Victoria of Edinburgh (mother's brother's daughter)